FMLs submitted from British Columbia

Today, I paid $80 to change my cell number because my ex-girlfriend had been stalking me. To inform all of my friends of the change, I sent a mass text message to everyone in my phonebook. Including my ex. FML

by Blackberry / 07/10/2009 at 3:15pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Love

Today, I had to be go to the ER after I fell on a rake. After having stiches put in, my Mom wanted me to go to the store with her. My friend saw me at the store and thought it would be funny to rip off the band aid because she thought I was hiding a zit. She ripped out my stitches. FML

by Anonymous / 07/05/2009 at 7:20pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous

Today, while going up a ski-lift I accidentally dropped my ticket. The ticket I needed at the top to come back down. I had to hike down the mountain in flip-flops. FML

by Anonymous / 07/03/2009 at 1:47pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous

Today, at the restaurant I work at, I gave a man back his change and told him to enjoy the sunny day. He replied by dramatically saying that the sun was his mortal enemy. Thinking he was joking, I asked him if he was a vampire. Turns out he has skin cancer. FML

by Kristache / 07/02/2009 at 4:31am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mom had a talk with me while my dad was out. She said to stop using her lotion for my masturbation sessions. I asked her how long did she know. She replied with, "Ever since we put up that camera in the living room for burglars, where you happen to watch your porn." FML

by Anonymous / 06/30/2009 at 12:49am / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy

Today, my friend and I were in her moms car talking about which job was harder: actor or artist. I said, "Art is easy. You just scribble on a piece of paper and call it abstract art." Her mom squinted at me in the rearview mirror and my friend stopped talking. Then she said, "My mom is an artist." FML

by URGH / 06/28/2009 at 6:08pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting it on, and listening to loud music when she suddenly looked worried and asked if I heard something. I said no and continued. Moments later, three firemen opened the bedroom door and told us to get dressed and go outside because the building was on fire. FML

by Jerf / 06/23/2009 at 8:56pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Love

Today, after dieting and working out for almost 3 months, I sit down on my chair to finish off some work. It broke. FML

by babasheep / 06/20/2009 at 1:17am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went for a really important job interview. She loved my portfolio and we got along really well. But I guess that a corner of my skirt got caught underneath my shoe when I stood up to shake her hand, exposing my teeny-tiny underwear and neglected bikini line. She didn't shake my hand back. FML

by ChrissiOfTheHill / 06/18/2009 at 5:01am / Canada (British Columbia) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was at McDonald's and I was going through the drive-thru. As I was driving away, I checked my food and the lady had given me a Night at the Museum Happy Meal toy by mistake. I got so excited that I crashed the car into a pole. I'm 36. FML

by NotSoYoung / 06/17/2009 at 12:35pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to the bar with some friends. When we walked in, we picked a table at random in the same area as a bunch of older men. The oldest, fattest ugliest man at the table looks me over then stares at my chest. He then starts to motorboat the air in the direction of my boobs. FML

by Hotdamnthisismyjam / 06/15/2009 at 8:32pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy

Today, as a prank, my friends put a big bucket of water on my door so that it would spill on me as I exited my room. It would have been funny if I hadn't been holding my $900 laptop as I was walking out. FML

by Dominic / 06/14/2009 at 3:14pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Work

Today, I woke up from a dream about finding a vending machine that gave me free food. I kept eating, it was so satisfying words could not describe how great it felt. Then I realized my hands were in between my legs, I had been touching myself dreaming about free food from a vending machine. FML

by hdat / 06/11/2009 at 1:51pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy