FMLs submitted from British Columbia

Today, I woke up in bed with no pillows. I think the guy I slept with stole them. FML

by Anonymous / 10/13/2010 at 10:12pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy

Today, I went to get a trim. However, follow-up damage control at home afterward shouldn't really be necessary on a fifty dollar haircut. FML

by grow_fasterrr - / 10/13/2010 at 1:28am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was getting frisky with my fiancée when she started talking about her dead great-grandma. FML

by tdiz / 10/12/2010 at 12:48am / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy

Today, I was eating jell-o and was reading a fact website, when I read that gelatin is made from the collagen in cow or pig bones. I'm vegetarian. FML

by Anonymous / 10/10/2010 at 5:47pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Health

Today, we were playing a game at work where whenever someone is in the washroom, we throw a 2 inch lug nut at the door because it makes a huge bang and scares whoever is in there. I was just opening the door to exit when someone threw the nut. It hit me in the face. FML

by PunctureWound / 10/09/2010 at 8:57pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Health

Today, my dad gave me a football signed by my favourite football player. It would've been great, except that I saw my dad sign it in front of me. The worst part is that he denies doing it. FML

by bibobobonnor / 09/28/2010 at 12:40am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was shopping in a store and an employee was mopping the floor. She mopped all around where I was standing then told me to wait until the floor dried to move. I had to go to the bathroom. FML

by Anonymous / 09/07/2010 at 1:51pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I received my first compliment in a really long time. It went, "Hey, you don't look like crap today." FML

by AmICrappyEveryOtherDay / 09/02/2010 at 7:51pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that my employers hired me under the assumption that I was gay. Apparently, they are attempting to be perceived as more open-minded. I'm not gay, but I'm afraid being straight could cost me my job. FML

by confused / 09/02/2010 at 5:09pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Work

Today, I found out that Whoopi Goldberg was NOT Oprah Winfrey's stage name. I was then laughed at for ages by my co-workers. FML

by MisterMisinformed / 09/01/2010 at 12:30am / Canada (British Columbia) / Work

Today, I was having sex with a really hot guy, when suddenly he pulled out and told me that "he had another fat chick meeting him in twenty minutes." FML

by Anonymous / 08/29/2010 at 3:27am / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy

Today, I took my date out for dinner to a seafood restaurant and she ordered expensive prawns. Later, when we had sex, she started to complain about her stomach hurting and then had diarrhea for hours. Great job prawns. FML

by Matt / 08/29/2010 at 12:53am / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy

Today, my aunt asked me to babysit my cousin. She gave me a warning that he says he's allergic to foods to get out of eating them. When I brought out my homemade cooking, he told me he was allergic, so I made him eat it anyway. Turns out he WAS allergic. FML

by Anonymous / 08/17/2010 at 1:06pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Kids