FMLs submitted from Birmingham

Today, being the clean freak that I am, I bought an expensive pair of 'mop socks'. As I walked upstairs to show everyone, I slipped on the corner of the bottom step and landed on my face, breaking my toe in the process. FML

by chloeleigholivia / 01/10/2016 at 2:55pm / United Kingdom (Birmingham) / Health

Today, a week after my miscarriage, my little sister thought it appropriate to wrap her belt around her neck and scream, "Hey look, it's your baby!" FML

by Anonymous / 07/09/2015 at 10:38am / United Kingdom (Birmingham) / Kids

Today, I tried to arrange my first gallery exhibition as a photography student. Not even my mother wants to come. FML

by jasondrags / 07/03/2015 at 9:42am / United Kingdom (Birmingham) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had to show my ID to prove I was over 18. I was buying teaspoons. FML

by I-love-my-tea / 06/09/2015 at 6:30pm / United Kingdom (Birmingham) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that my flatmate wears my underwear. FML

by anon / 05/21/2015 at 10:22pm / United Kingdom (Birmingham) / Miscellaneous

Today, I shouted, "Fuck off!" out of reflex when I felt someone behind me grab my bag and pull it off my shoulder. It turned out to be an elderly man with a walking stick, who was trying to steady himself in a busy crowd. FML

by Li / 03/23/2015 at 9:04pm / United Kingdom (Birmingham) / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend got her wisdom teeth removed. I really want to help her out while she recovers, but her swollen cheeks combined with her natural buck teeth keep making me crack up every time I see her. I can't help it and I'm now in the doghouse. FML

by Anonymous / 02/21/2015 at 9:20am / United Kingdom (Birmingham) / Love

Today, my husband came home, drunk and with lipstick smeared on his face. When I confronted him about it, he just slurred, "Ah don't worry babe, it ain't mine." FML

by Anonymous / 01/24/2015 at 3:26pm / United Kingdom (Birmingham) / Love

Today, I spent a quarter of an hour trying to figure out why my car wouldn't unlock, then why my number plate had changed. FML

by Anonymous / 12/22/2014 at 11:27am / United Kingdom (Birmingham) / Transportation

Today, while driving home, I swerved to avoid turning a duck and her babies into roadkill. Another car was coming around a sharp bend at the time and swerved to avoid hitting me. In the end, we both ran our cars off the road, and he took out several ducks in the process. FML

by newly passed, newly grassed / 12/06/2014 at 12:04pm / United Kingdom (Birmingham) / Miscellaneous

Today, the guy I really like acknowledged my existence for the first time. Too bad it was through a text saying "lol ur a fat fukc". FML

by Anonymous / 10/05/2014 at 12:02pm / United Kingdom (Birmingham) / Love

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time, and I tried to be sexy by raking my nails down his back. I guess I did it a little too hard, because he shrieked in pain, leapt off me, and limped around the room cursing and whimpering. Mood ruined. FML

by onepussytwopussy / 03/07/2014 at 2:47pm / United Kingdom (Birmingham) / Intimacy

Today, my mother-in-law yelled from across the house for me to come quickly. She sounded frantic, so I rushed and asked what was wrong. She said, "Nothing." and that she just wanted to remind me that she hates my guts. She'll be living here with me and my wife for the next two months. FML

by Anonymous / 08/10/2013 at 5:30pm / United Kingdom (Birmingham) / Miscellaneous