FMLs submitted from Arkansas

Today, I learned it is best not to let your cordless mouse die while secretly watching porn right when your mom walks in. FML

by nickyy / 11/28/2009 at 9:11pm / United States (Arkansas) / Intimacy

Today, I got a phone call from my dad that I haven't heard from in months. I didn't answer, but it left me an accidental voicemail saying "Oh s***, I didn't mean to call her!" FML

by assdialed. / 11/04/2009 at 12:15am / United States (Arkansas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was giving a speech to my 300 some-odd person class. All throughout it, people had been giggling and cackling while I was speaking. I soon realized that my pants had been unzipped. I accidentally fell asleep with all my underwear in the washer last night and had gone commando that day. FML

by BluesMan1990 / 09/16/2009 at 6:21am / United States (Arkansas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was hanging out with my best friend. I have been getting explicit texts and phone calls so I just joking said to my friend, "I think someone wrote my number on a bathroom stall." At which point he said, "Sorry, I didn't think people really called those numbers." FML

by Casden / 09/13/2009 at 11:57am / United States (Arkansas) / Miscellaneous

Today, the guy I have been in love with for years decided to tell me all about his women problems and how he can't find someone. After telling him I loved him he responds, "do you know if anyone else does?" FML

by ksgirl / 09/12/2009 at 3:39am / United States (Arkansas) / Love

Today, I was home alone and I started to sing Halo by Beyonce. I was starting to get into it and began singing with more passion until the phone rang. It was my neighbor begging me to please shut the hell up. FML

by Ricky / 08/16/2009 at 9:00pm / United States (Arkansas) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mom, sister, and I were talking about a friend's girlfriend. My sister's opinion of her was that she was cute but not hot. My mom agreed, saying that she didn't think that someone without boobs could EVER be hot. She then looked at me and said "no offense." FML

by Atomic_Tangerine / 06/29/2009 at 7:07pm / United States (Arkansas) / Miscellaneous

Today, my husband of one week lost his wedding ring while we were preparing for a dinner party. After a thorough search and no luck, I started to cry. He told me to quit being a drama queen because we had guests. He then got drunk with his friends, puked on the patio, and called me a bitch. FML

by honeymoonisover / 06/28/2009 at 12:05pm / United States (Arkansas) / Love

Today, I was invited out to a date by my ex-boyfriend. He seemed really excited to reconnect and kept holding my hand and complimenting how I looked. Out of nowhere a girl runs up to him screaming. It was his current girlfriend, he was using me to make her jealous. FML

by savvylady / 06/18/2009 at 12:52am / United States (Arkansas) / Love

Today, I was helping my church clean up a park. I was given a sledgehammer and told to break up a concrete picnic table so we could haul it off. About half way through I swung the sledgehammer REALLY hard, completely missed the table, and hit myself in the shin. FML

by rubmytummy / 06/10/2009 at 5:12pm / United States (Arkansas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to a barbecue and noticed a girl that I had be interested in. When I walked up to ask how she was doing I noticed she had some BBQ sauce on her face. Jokingly I licked my thumb and reach to remove it. It turned out to be a scab from a pimple she had popped earlier. FML

by eayers2689 / 05/30/2009 at 12:19pm / United States (Arkansas) / Miscellaneous

Today, at work as a cashier, I had a male customer come up to me and ask me what hours I worked today, like he has done for several weeks now. Immediately after, my manager calls my lane to tell me to watch out for that guy. He has been stalking a co-worker of mine. Apparently, I'm next. FML

by be_nj / 05/28/2009 at 11:51pm / United States (Arkansas) / Work

Today, two of my cousins sat me down and said they wanted to give me an early Birthday present. With straight faces, they look at me and say: "we signed you up for eHarmony, and paid for 12 months." Not only do my cousins think I need help finding a boyfriend, but they think it take a year. FML

by imnotTHATlonely / 05/18/2009 at 4:43pm / United States (Arkansas) / Love