FMLs submitted from Arkansas

Today, my iPhone got back from being fixed. When I opened the box there was a note attached to my phone that said, "All you had to do was turn it on." FML

by ryanharp2 / 07/27/2012 at 1:05am / United States (Arkansas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I came home from the minimum-wage job I suffer through to support my now ex-boyfriend's ailing music career. It seems his time management skills suck almost as badly as his music, because I found him in my bedroom, licking whipped cream off my step-sister. FML

by Anonymous / 05/05/2012 at 12:28pm / United States (Arkansas) / Love

Today, I gave my grandparents my old cell to use since they needed an upgrade. I thought I had deleted everything until I received a text from my grandmother. It was a vagina shot I had taken for my fiancé with a message that said "You need to wear more makeup". FML

by ashleynicolle / 02/25/2012 at 1:16am / United States (Arkansas) / Intimacy

Today, feeling out of shape, I went for a jog. I got mugged. FML

by Anonymous / 02/15/2012 at 10:59pm / United States (Arkansas) / Health

Today, after a twelve week dry spell followed by an eight week one, I decided to take a bit more initiative at seducing my girlfriend. Not only was she "not in the mood" again, but she offered me Trident Layers gum instead. She apparently thought that it was a fair trade. FML

by dasnich / 02/04/2012 at 10:46pm / United States (Arkansas) / Intimacy

Today, I had to send a picture of my Grandma at her funeral to my girlfriend, because she thought I was out cheating on her. FML

by Jeff G. / 01/22/2012 at 7:31pm / United States (Arkansas) / Love

Today, I got pulled over for a busted tail light. The officer gave me a warning and told me to fix it. Ten minutes later I was pulled over again for the same busted tail light by the same cop. This time he wrote me a ticket. FML

by Anonymous / 01/05/2012 at 11:06pm / United States (Arkansas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got a gift from my wife in the form of divorce papers. She waited till after New Year's so it wouldn't show up on her taxes for 2011. FML

by haphazard2007 / 01/02/2012 at 4:44am / United States (Arkansas) / Love

Today, my dad made me quit my online school classes and go back to public school, because apparently when I'm on the computer, it makes his video games lag. FML

by exiledliscense / 11/09/2011 at 2:18pm / United States (Arkansas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I caught my boyfriend cheating on me. His response? "It's not like I liked it." FML

by Cat / 11/06/2011 at 11:43pm / United States (Arkansas) / Intimacy

Today, the man I love still thinks that female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one. FML

by ksamp / 10/12/2011 at 12:26am / United States (Arkansas) / Intimacy

Today, my younger brother decided it would be funny to put rubbing alcohol in my contact lens case while I had them soaking overnight. I didn't realize this until I put the first one in. FML

by redeye / 09/19/2011 at 1:03am / United States (Arkansas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I excitedly showed my new roommate my pet fish. She then told me about how she purposely starved her last fish to see how long it would take before they started eating each other before starving to death. FML

by Anonymous / 08/27/2011 at 6:59pm / United States (Arkansas) / Animals