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FMLs submitted from Arkansas

Today, my boss gave me the task of firing a recently-hired coworker next Friday. This guy spends most of his off-hours working out, probably abusing the fuck out of steroids, and to whom prison is like a bed-and-breakfast. I fear for my life by this point. FML

#20526945
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22792) - you deserved it (1563)

On 03/01/2013 at 1:22pm - work - by cthulhu help me (man) - United States (Arkansas)

Today, I was trying to be sexy and change in front of my boyfriend. As I was changing, he started to talk to me about how we should both try and lose weight. FML

#20523139
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30660) - you deserved it (6905)

On 02/26/2013 at 3:26pm - love - by pooh anne (woman) - United States (Arkansas)

Today, my mom called me a "heartless bitch" for eating the last Hot Pocket. This is coming from a woman who, just last week, faked having cancer to get out of a speeding ticket. FML

#20511194
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28423) - you deserved it (290)

On 02/17/2013 at 7:24pm - misc - by DontGetSlapped - United States (Arkansas)

Today, I decided to change my hair color. After waiting in anticipation, I took a shower to rinse out the dye and reveal my new, blue hair. Rinsing revealed not only blue hair, but blue skin caused by the watered dye running over my body. I now look like a smurf, and it's not coming out. FML

#20480724
271 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15553) - you deserved it (34936)

On 01/27/2013 at 1:10am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Arkansas)

Today, I had a sex dream, which I interrupted by having an OCD-induced panic attack because apparently we weren't using protection. My brain won't even let me enjoy the fantasy action I get in my sleep. FML

#20171880
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20652) - you deserved it (1918)

On 11/21/2012 at 12:48am - intimacy - by Dead_Fox (man) - United States (Arkansas)

Today, my husband came home drunk off his ass at 2am. He started crying on my shoulder because he couldn't go home with some beautiful woman who hit on him, because sadly for him, he's married to me. FML

#20157197
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26968) - you deserved it (2372)

On 11/10/2012 at 5:15am - love - by Helen - United States (Arkansas)

Today, I was walking with my boyfriend when a guy walked up to me and told me I look exactly like Taylor Swift. My boyfriend punched him in the face and told him that Taylor Swift is a lot more attractive. I'm actually considering leaving him for the complete stranger. FML

#20130143
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28232) - you deserved it (2448)

On 10/23/2012 at 6:12pm - misc - by jeanrose2013 - United States (Arkansas)

Today, I was doing my laundry and I saw a dollar bill at the bottom of the washer. I excitedly dove in to retrieve the money, and promptly hit and broke my nose on the washer. FML

#20025943
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6682) - you deserved it (14324)

On 08/17/2012 at 3:30am - misc - by Megan - United States (Arkansas)

Today, my aunt borrowed my favorite shirt. Don't worry, she returned it. Complete with jizz stains. FML

#20024649
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29908) - you deserved it (2900)

On 08/16/2012 at 3:28pm - intimacy - by itwasmyfavoriteshirt - United States (Arkansas)

Today, my iPhone got back from being fixed. When I opened the box there was a note attached to my phone that said, "All you had to do was turn it on." FML

#19986553
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (4783) - you deserved it (33239)

On 07/27/2012 at 1:05am - misc - by ryanharp2 - United States (Arkansas)

Today, I came home from the minimum-wage job I suffer through to support my now ex-boyfriend's ailing music career. It seems his time management skills suck almost as badly as his music, because I found him in my bedroom, licking whipped cream off my step-sister. FML

#19577163
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27107) - you deserved it (3553)

On 05/05/2012 at 12:28pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arkansas)

Today, I gave my grandparents my old cell to use since they needed an upgrade. I thought I had deleted everything until I received a text from my grandmother. It was a vagina shot I had taken for my fiancé with a message that said "You need to wear more makeup". FML

#19158287
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8828) - you deserved it (30370)

On 02/25/2012 at 1:16am - intimacy - by ashleynicolle (woman) - United States (Arkansas)

Today, feeling out of shape, I went for a jog. I got mugged. FML

#19090033
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22947) - you deserved it (2205)

On 02/15/2012 at 10:59pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Arkansas)



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