FMLs submitted from Arizona

Today, my boyfriend of over a year told me he wanted to learn Korean before Spanish. Apparently, being able to sing along to Gangnam Style is more important to him than being able to speak with my family. FML

by Latina / 01/11/2013 at 5:24am / United States (Arizona) / Love

Today, I took my boyfriend to meet my parents. As he was loading his truck, I went inside to take a surreptitious shit. I ended up clogging the toilet, and so the first thing my mom said to my boyfriend was, "You'll have to find another bathroom; she just clogged it all up." FML

by thanksmom / 01/09/2013 at 2:57pm / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found my diary on my mother's nightstand. Bookmarked. FML

by Anonymous / 12/24/2012 at 1:07am / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous

Today, I started my first day of work at our local humane society. I asked where the break room was, so my coworker directed me to a small room in the back of the building. The only place I get to take my lunch break is the same room where they euthanize, freeze and cremate the animals. FML

by Anonymous / 12/21/2012 at 9:22am / United States (Arizona) / Work

Today, I noticed my wife put a bumper sticker on our car that says "Cowboy butts drive me nuts." I've driven that car to work every day. FML

by idontevenlikebuttsthatmuch / 12/18/2012 at 4:44pm / United States (Arizona) / Transportation

Today, I have a final for my precalculus class. After hours of studying this week, I felt pretty optimistic. Until I got to class and realized that I'd forgotten my calculator. FML

by anonymous / 11/21/2012 at 1:16pm / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had my wisdom teeth taken out. I vaguely remember telling the doctor that I'm a virgin. Several times. FML

by NOIDIDNOT / 11/19/2012 at 1:21am / United States (Arizona) / Health

Today, I was bitched out by my supervisor because of my lack of "customer service" skills. I work at a jail and all my "customers" are criminals. FML

by jailofc / 11/07/2012 at 12:48am / United States (Arizona) / Work

Today, I looked up the side effects of the antidepressants I've recently started taking. Inability to orgasm is one of them. I can either not be depressed, or I can have an orgasm. FML

by HappinessOrOrgasms / 11/05/2012 at 2:25pm / United States (Arizona) / Intimacy

Today, I had surgery on my arm. My mom has recently had the same surgery and my dad is having his first rib removed and won't be able to move his arm. My family combined now has three functioning arms. FML

by Anonymous / 11/01/2012 at 1:08am / United States (Arizona) / Health

Today, I was woken up by my teenage son pulling down my shirt and taking pictures of my breasts. FML

by Anonymous / 10/20/2012 at 4:42am / United States (Arizona) / Kids

Today, I had a cyst in my butt removed. The doctors had to make a hole, and then fill it with gauze before sending me home. As soon as I got back, my sister decided to kick me in the butt as hard as she could. FML

by hurtinrealbad / 10/16/2012 at 1:25pm / United States (Arizona) / Health

Today, I surprised my boyfriend with a bag containing condoms and sexy lingerie. He looks into it and says, "I hope you kept the receipt." FML

by juliette / 10/08/2012 at 1:39am / United States (Arizona) / Intimacy