FMLs submitted from Arizona

Today, I took my boyfriend to a family dinner. It went well, until my dad got drunk and started telling everyone about how "midgets" are assholes and are ruining America. FML

by FML / 09/04/2015 at 12:27pm / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found my cat who's been missing for three days, sitting inside my neighbor's window. He won't answer the door. FML

by JordanAfml / 09/03/2015 at 5:14pm / United States (Arizona) / Animals

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my husband told me that he is done having sex because it eats up his online gaming time. FML

by Anonymous / 08/25/2015 at 3:54pm / United States (Arizona) / Intimacy

Today, I let out a huge fart during a job interview. I was the one conducting the interview. FML

by Anonymous / 08/12/2015 at 9:18pm / United States (Arizona) / Work

Today, my parents sent me to the hospital because they thought I had diabetes. One of the symptoms is that you a pee a lot. The only reason I go to the bathroom so often is so I can masturbate. FML

by doodoobref / 07/31/2015 at 1:38am / United States (Arizona) / Intimacy

Today, I got fired from my new job on my first day. Why? Because I'm 19 and company policy says you have to be 21. But they can't ask how old you are. FML

by jobless and broke / 07/29/2015 at 2:40pm / United States (Arizona) / Work

Today, after vacuuming, I struggled to pull the nozzle attachment out. I yanked it too hard and it flew out, hitting me in the face and causing my head to jerk back into the wall behind me. My girlfriend had to drive me to the hospital for my concussion. FML

by Anonymous / 07/25/2015 at 12:20am / United States (Arizona) / Health

Today, my sister told me that the only reason I like one guy is because he looks exactly like the guy that dumped me. I showed her two pictures to argue against it, and ended up proving her right. FML

by didn't notice for 2 years / 06/10/2015 at 7:14pm / United States (Arizona) / Love

Today, a customer yelled at me because the cherry pie he bought had cherries in it, and he wanted a refund. FML

by IrNatalie / 06/02/2015 at 4:59am / United States (Arizona) / Work

Today, I sleep during the day because I work nights. My neighbors have a very loud wedding and reception in their backyard including a live mariachi band. FML

by Vlen / 05/23/2015 at 10:38pm / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous

Today, it was the first time a guy has shown any interest in me by calling me pretty. I was so shocked that instead of saying thank you, I hid behind the nearest object and promptly giggle-snorted. FML

by WolfAvenge / 05/21/2015 at 4:01am / United States (Arizona) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I desperately needed to let off some steam at work, so I went outside and screamed obscenities at the top of my lungs, before heading back inside. The police then showed up to investigate complaints of a "raving lunatic" in the area. FML

by RavingLunatic / 05/01/2015 at 6:17pm / United States (Arizona) / Work

Today, I realized that my new haircut makes me look like a movie star. Not Scarlett Johansson, no. I look like Lord Farquaad. FML

by henrylikestreats / 04/30/2015 at 2:04pm / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.