FMLs submitted from Arizona

Today, my boyfriend gave me a really sweet poem that he wrote for me. I think it was secondhand - the first letter of each verse spelled his ex girlfriend's name. FML

by blaze / 02/16/2010 at 7:00pm / United States (Arizona) / Love

Today, I caught my boyfriend of 8 years cheating on me. I punched him in the face, he broke up with me. And I still had to cook him an entire turkey dinner. FML

by Pushover / 02/12/2010 at 10:30pm / United States (Arizona) / Love

Today, I woke up with a hangover from last night. Last night, I snuck out and went to a party at a club. To hide my hangover, I cleaned myself up and walked into the kitchen to get a drink. My mother looked at me and said, "What's that on your wrist?" I'd forgotten I'd left the wristband on from the club. I'm already grounded. FML

by Tucker / 02/08/2010 at 2:29pm / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was taking a shower and the glass sliding door was jammed. I tugged it, and it shattered all over me. I was naked. FML

by mrmr / 02/07/2010 at 1:32pm / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend of six months dumped me over the phone. I'm in the military and recently had to move away to another fort. We'd agreed that we would try to make long distance work. I'd even offered to buy a plane ticket to come see her each weekend. I've been gone less than two weeks. FML

by Crud / 02/06/2010 at 12:09am / United States (Arizona) / Love

Today, my boyfriend informed me that in the event of a zombie apocalypse, he'd kill me before I got infected. FML

by Anonymous / 02/04/2010 at 3:29am / United States (Arizona) / Love

Today, I went to dinner with my mom and her new boyfriend. At the restaurant, while we were eating, he started clapping and singing "if you're happy and you know it." My mom joined in. And they sang loudly. Loud enough for the entire restaurant to go quiet and stare. FML

by 1thapp3ns / 01/09/2010 at 11:29pm / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous

Today, I slipped on a patch of ice and fell. I would have fallen straight onto my ass, but thankfully my testicles broke my fall. FML

by Soresack / 01/04/2010 at 8:34am / United States (Arizona) / Health

Today, my boyfriend had to be hospitalized to drain poison from a bad spider bite. His mom is convinced that he got it from my house and won't let him come over anymore. I suppose she's right, because guess who found a spider web under their bed today, along with 5 new spider bites? FML

by Anonymous / 01/02/2010 at 2:50am / United States (Arizona) / Health

Today, I needed to job shadow someone for my winter break career project. Not finding someone to take me along to their job, my mom suggested shadowing my dad. Not wanting to hurt his feelings, I went with him. All day I sat and helped him test human poop samples for parasites. Some was diarrhea. FML

by kawaiixalice / 12/28/2009 at 10:14am / United States (Arizona) / Work

Today, I got a call from a girl I fell madly in love with 8 years ago. She disappeared from my life with no trace. Turns out she just finalized her divorce, has 2 wild kids, packed on 75 lbs, has $25,000 in debt and is taking meds to keep from going crazy. Now she wants me back. FML

by Anonymous / 12/28/2009 at 12:03am / United States (Arizona) / Love

Today, I was asked by my mom if I could have a joint-birthday party with her dog because it would be the dog's "big 1-0." She was completely serious. FML

by dog_day / 12/19/2009 at 1:20am / United States (Arizona) / Animals

Today, I had to take a urine test. I drank a lot of water so that I wouldn't force it. When I got there, I had to pee really bad. The cup was too small and when I relieved my bladder, it was a jet that rebounded off of the cup and overflowed going all over my hands, clothes, toilet, and floor. FML

by Tib / 12/18/2009 at 1:42am / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous