FMLs submitted from Arizona

Today, I walked in on my teenage son passionately making out with one of his sister's Barbie dolls. FML

by JGarz / 10/10/2015 at 3:21am / United States (Arizona) / Kids

Today, during dinner with my wife's family, my daughter suddenly yelled, "DADDY TICKLES MOMMY'S BUM BUM!" I don't think I've ever received dirtier glares in my life. FML

by shh / 10/09/2015 at 3:06am / United States (Arizona) / Kids

Today, at age 27, I went to pick up the girl I like for my first ever date. Her brother answered the door with a baseball bat, said the date was off and threatened to smash my kneecaps to pieces if I ever came back. FML

by Anonymous / 10/09/2015 at 2:39am / United States (Arizona) / Love

Today, I made some brownies to take over to my dad's place for his party. He started yelling at me when I told him I'd added a special ingredient for taste, demanding to know what I had slipped them. Cinnamon. It was cinnamon. FML

by WolfAvenge / 09/30/2015 at 2:49am / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was driving students home on my school bus. I looked up in time to see a student wipe what would be one of many boogers across the window. As I'm cleaning the window, I tell her, "This is disgusting." Her reply? "No, it's not. It's PERFECT!" FML

by bigmozwoman / 09/17/2015 at 10:18pm / United States (Arizona) / Kids

Today, I took my boyfriend to a family dinner. It went well, until my dad got drunk and started telling everyone about how "midgets" are assholes and are ruining America. FML

by FML / 09/04/2015 at 12:27pm / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found my cat who's been missing for three days, sitting inside my neighbor's window. He won't answer the door. FML

by JordanAfml / 09/03/2015 at 5:14pm / United States (Arizona) / Animals

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my husband told me that he is done having sex because it eats up his online gaming time. FML

by Anonymous / 08/25/2015 at 3:54pm / United States (Arizona) / Intimacy

Today, I let out a huge fart during a job interview. I was the one conducting the interview. FML

by Anonymous / 08/12/2015 at 9:18pm / United States (Arizona) / Work

Today, my parents sent me to the hospital because they thought I had diabetes. One of the symptoms is that you a pee a lot. The only reason I go to the bathroom so often is so I can masturbate. FML

by doodoobref / 07/31/2015 at 1:38am / United States (Arizona) / Intimacy

Today, I got fired from my new job on my first day. Why? Because I'm 19 and company policy says you have to be 21. But they can't ask how old you are. FML

by jobless and broke / 07/29/2015 at 2:40pm / United States (Arizona) / Work

Today, after vacuuming, I struggled to pull the nozzle attachment out. I yanked it too hard and it flew out, hitting me in the face and causing my head to jerk back into the wall behind me. My girlfriend had to drive me to the hospital for my concussion. FML

by Anonymous / 07/25/2015 at 12:20am / United States (Arizona) / Health

Today, my sister told me that the only reason I like one guy is because he looks exactly like the guy that dumped me. I showed her two pictures to argue against it, and ended up proving her right. FML

by didn't notice for 2 years / 06/10/2015 at 7:14pm / United States (Arizona) / Love