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FMLs submitted from Arizona

Today, during dinner with my wife's family, my daughter suddenly yelled, "DADDY TICKLES MOMMY'S BUM BUM!" I don't think I've ever received dirtier glares in my life. FML

#21477793
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23934) - you deserved it (2600)

On 10/09/2015 at 3:06am - kids - by shh (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, at age 27, I went to pick up the girl I like for my first ever date. Her brother answered the door with a baseball bat, said the date was off and threatened to smash my kneecaps to pieces if I ever came back. FML

#21477785
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25498) - you deserved it (1749)

On 10/09/2015 at 2:39am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I made some brownies to take over to my dad's place for his party. He started yelling at me when I told him I'd added a special ingredient for taste, demanding to know what I had slipped them. Cinnamon. It was cinnamon. FML

Today, I was driving students home on my school bus. I looked up in time to see a student wipe what would be one of many boogers across the window. As I'm cleaning the window, I tell her, "This is disgusting." Her reply? "No, it's not. It's PERFECT!" FML

#21469702
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20624) - you deserved it (1627)

On 09/17/2015 at 10:18pm - kids - by bigmozwoman (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I took my boyfriend to a family dinner. It went well, until my dad got drunk and started telling everyone about how "midgets" are assholes and are ruining America. FML

#21464495
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21146) - you deserved it (1613)

On 09/04/2015 at 12:27pm - misc - by FML (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I found my cat who's been missing for three days, sitting inside my neighbor's window. He won't answer the door. FML

Today, my husband told me that he is done having sex because it eats up his online gaming time. FML

#21460573
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28580) - you deserved it (3278)

On 08/25/2015 at 3:54pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I let out a huge fart during a job interview. I was the one conducting the interview. FML

#21455368
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20991) - you deserved it (4906)

On 08/12/2015 at 9:18pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Arizona)

Today, my parents sent me to the hospital because they thought I had diabetes. One of the symptoms is that you a pee a lot. The only reason I go to the bathroom so often is so I can masturbate. FML

#21449844
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18678) - you deserved it (28076)

On 07/31/2015 at 1:38am - intimacy - by doodoobref - United States (Arizona)

Today, I got fired from my new job on my first day. Why? Because I'm 19 and company policy says you have to be 21. But they can't ask how old you are. FML

#21449086
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24499) - you deserved it (2290)

On 07/29/2015 at 2:40pm - work - by jobless and broke - United States (Arizona)

Today, after vacuuming, I struggled to pull the nozzle attachment out. I yanked it too hard and it flew out, hitting me in the face and causing my head to jerk back into the wall behind me. My girlfriend had to drive me to the hospital for my concussion. FML

#21446817
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21978) - you deserved it (3084)

On 07/25/2015 at 12:20am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, my sister told me that the only reason I like one guy is because he looks exactly like the guy that dumped me. I showed her two pictures to argue against it, and ended up proving her right. FML

#21424094
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22654) - you deserved it (5469)

On 06/10/2015 at 7:14pm - love - by didn't notice for 2 years - United States (Arizona)

Today, a customer yelled at me because the cherry pie he bought had cherries in it, and he wanted a refund. FML

#21419579
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28033) - you deserved it (1786)

On 06/02/2015 at 4:59am - work - by IrNatalie - United States (Arizona)



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