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FMLs submitted from Arizona

Today, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. Within minutes, they said I needed to leave. Their reason? Apparently, I was mocking her dad's speech impediment. I also have one but they wouldn't believe me. FML

#21382684
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33634) - you deserved it (2060)

On 03/27/2015 at 10:12pm - love - by biblepain - United States (Arizona)

Today, I accidentally ate a cat treat instead of a cinnamon glazed pecan. I thought it must have been burnt by the way it tasted, so ate a few more before I figured out my mistake and spat them out. FML

#21376174
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22660) - you deserved it (12346)

On 03/17/2015 at 3:14am - animals - by ilovecharliesheen (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I caught my boyfriend cheating on me. He claimed it wasn't cheating because he's not romantically attracted to her. FML

#21375288
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34061) - you deserved it (2991)

On 03/15/2015 at 9:10pm - intimacy - by why - United States (Arizona)

Today, my girlfriend took off my pants for the first time. She was more impressed by the pattern on my boxers than by my cock. FML

#21370915
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33804) - you deserved it (6571)

On 03/09/2015 at 1:13am - intimacy - by fruitoftheloom - United States (Arizona)

Today, I noticed that my son was less excited about losing a tooth than normal. I asked him what was wrong, he said, "Tyler told me that the tooth fairy died yesterday in a car accident." To which Tyler replied, "You're welcome." FML

#21367147
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29321) - you deserved it (2417)

On 03/03/2015 at 8:14am - kids - by Mommycakes (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, my mom asked my siblings and me for help cleaning the kitchen. After working for a half hour while all my siblings sat on the couch, I pointed out that I was the only one working. My mom thanked my siblings for not having attitudes like mine and sent me to my room. FML

#21352465
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35767) - you deserved it (2971)

On 02/08/2015 at 11:47pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Arizona)

Today, we had a drug search at school. After the search, we went back inside. My bag was open, and my lunch was gone. FML

#21341948
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30325) - you deserved it (2052)

On 01/21/2015 at 10:46pm - misc - by blububble412 - United States (Arizona)

Today, after having sex with my boyfriend, we were cuddling when he grabbed his penis and made it say, "That was amazing! Thank you for the sex." He's 21 years old. FML

#21330918
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28924) - you deserved it (6285)

On 01/04/2015 at 9:50pm - love - by myboyfriendisweird - United States (Arizona)

Today, while at work at a call center, I got a call from an elderly man who needed a new credit card because he'd accidentally cut up his own card instead of his wife's. Trying to be funny, I said "Trying to keep her in line, eh?" Turns out his wife had just died. FML

Today, my boyfriend finally played the new guitar I bought to replace the one he broke. He used a $1000 guitar to play me a moving song about my butt. FML

#21328639
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25916) - you deserved it (5227)

On 01/01/2015 at 1:16pm - love - by ButtWorthSingingBout (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, after we had sex, my boyfriend told me how my orgasms used to make him think I was having a seizure. FML

#21327166
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30620) - you deserved it (3939)

On 12/30/2014 at 1:15pm - intimacy - by GladYoureConcerned (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I set up a profile on a dating app, stating that I'm awkward amongst other things. Within minutes, a guy messaged me. I was thrilled, until he started threatening me because he has Aspergers, and according to him, only they are "allowed" to be awkward. I had to delete my profile. FML

#21326703
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27571) - you deserved it (2848)

On 12/29/2014 at 7:41pm - love - by happytuckerhappy (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I got into a fight with my sister. Later on she brought me a bowl of tortilla chips, which I thought was her way of apologizing. I found out too late that she'd licked the flavoring off them and it was really her way of saying "Fuck you." FML

#21325373
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29729) - you deserved it (4568)

On 12/27/2014 at 3:53pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Arizona)



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