FMLs submitted from Arizona

Today, I took a swig of my Dr Pepper while having a meeting with my manager. As soon as I was about to swallow, I began coughing, and spat a whole mouthful all over her face. FML

by westwoodcosmo / 01/27/2016 at 5:35pm / United States (Arizona) / Work

Today, I woke up after a two-day drive to go to my cousin's wedding. The view is beautiful, there's mountains everywhere, and my new backless dress is gorgeous. Too bad the hotel has bed bugs and my whole body is entirely covered in bright red bumps. FML

by wedding leper / 01/23/2016 at 12:25am / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous

Today, I told a customer the bread he wanted has been discontinued. He replied with, "Are you serious? What is your name? I'm going up front to complain about you." I still don't understand how that's specifically my fault. FML

by fritzile / 01/10/2016 at 6:53pm / United States (Arizona) / Work

Today, I discovered my dog humping my sister's five month old baby while babysitting. FML

by Sleep_lover654 / 01/07/2016 at 1:46am / United States (Arizona) / Kids

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was at a small secret Santa with a group of friends. Everyone got each other some amazing gifts, the first person got a homemade self portrait, the second person got some professional grade playing cards, the third person got an album of past memories, and I got a pack of pens. FML

by ET / 12/21/2015 at 6:30pm / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was at my job as a bagger in a grocery store when I felt the intense need to shit. On my way to the bathroom, an elderly customer insisted I go with her to find an item she needed, despite my telling her exactly where it was and that I was in a hurry. I didn't make it back to the bathroom. FML

by chocolateninja22 / 12/16/2015 at 11:42am / United States (Arizona) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I picked up an elderly woman walking alone in the cold. I asked her where she was going but she didn't respond. Thinking she was just cold, I kept driving until a man driving erratically kept honking at me. Turns out he's her husband and she has severe Alzheimers. FML

by Anonymous / 11/15/2015 at 12:36pm / United States (Arizona) / Transportation

Today, I figured out why my 'best friend' hasn't talked to me in weeks. She assumed an FML post she read was about her. It was posted in 2009. I met her last year. FML

by likecomeon / 11/02/2015 at 10:55pm / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mom ended up having a midlife crisis. She decided it was finally time to get those tight leather pants that she has always wanted, and is now planning on putting a stripper pole in her room. FML

by cookie_lover_xx / 10/15/2015 at 2:24am / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was talking with some friends and the girl I like. During a lull in the conversation, she looked at me and said, "Ugh, I really wanna pop your zits." FML

by Anonymous / 10/14/2015 at 9:45am / United States (Arizona) / Love

Today, I walked in on my teenage son passionately making out with one of his sister's Barbie dolls. FML

by JGarz / 10/10/2015 at 3:21am / United States (Arizona) / Kids

Today, during dinner with my wife's family, my daughter suddenly yelled, "DADDY TICKLES MOMMY'S BUM BUM!" I don't think I've ever received dirtier glares in my life. FML

by shh / 10/09/2015 at 3:06am / United States (Arizona) / Kids

Today, at age 27, I went to pick up the girl I like for my first ever date. Her brother answered the door with a baseball bat, said the date was off and threatened to smash my kneecaps to pieces if I ever came back. FML

by Anonymous / 10/09/2015 at 2:39am / United States (Arizona) / Love