FMLs submitted from Alberta

Today, my neighbour was practicing his opera singing, drunk. FML

by Thesuz / 09/05/2013 at 11:27pm / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous

Today, a soon-to-be-ex co-worker flew into a rage when she saw she wasn't on the schedule for next week. The boss told her it's because she quit. She reminded the boss she wants to keep working part-time. My new job is inventing tasks for her to do to keep her calm. FML

by Zuzubat / 09/05/2013 at 7:29pm / Canada (Alberta) / Work

Today, my car window got smashed, because someone somehow confused the doll my daughter always leaves strapped into a carseat for an actual kid. It's a cabbage patch kid. FML

by mother to an ugly doll / 09/04/2013 at 2:10pm / Canada (Alberta) / Kids

Today, after I explained to my waitress that I have an allergy to butter, she nonetheless put some on my baked potato. When I had her get me another, without butter, she came back with one and then asked if I would like butter with it. FML

by Anonymous / 09/01/2013 at 12:40am / Canada (Alberta) / Health

Today, my crew and I were berated by a client for not installing her new hardwood floor on time. We were only halfway through the day, but apparently it should have only taken "like, an hour?" because "The guys on the TV shows do it that fast." FML

by smashyonewfloors / 08/31/2013 at 12:44am / Canada (Alberta) / Work

Today, my mom came into my room to give me a goodbye kiss. Due to the routine of my girlfriend doing the exact same thing in the exact same spot, I held the kiss way longer than what a mother/son kiss should last. My mom actually had to tell me to "let go". FML

by deadman / 08/15/2013 at 9:06pm / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mom got a cat. I'm allergic to cats, so I politely asked my mom why she got it. Her response: "I want you to finally want to move out." I turned eighteen two weeks ago. FML

by skaterboy / 08/13/2013 at 11:36am / Canada (Alberta) / Animals

Today, I had a dream in which I was being mugged. I started fighting the muggers off, while in reality, my fist smacked my wife in the face. Now she has a black eye, nobody believes my story, and they think I'm a wife beater. FML

by Anonymous / 08/11/2013 at 2:11pm / Canada (Alberta) / Health

Today, I was told that I have to apply to keep the job that I've held for the past two years. There are so many other applicants that it's basically a free-for-all. FML

by TheStressComesFree / 07/31/2013 at 12:47pm / Canada (Alberta) / Work

Today, I received some unwanted anal sex tips. They were unwanted because I'm not into anal sex, and the tips came from my drunk mom. FML

by moms know best??? / 07/27/2013 at 5:41pm / Canada (Alberta) / Intimacy

Today, my eldest daughter has 'officially' removed herself from our family and will no longer communicate with any of us. Apparently it's my fault that her younger sister is having a baby before her, and she can't be part of a family that 'treats her so unfairly'. FML

by JealousBratMuch / 07/25/2013 at 8:51pm / Canada (Alberta) / Kids

Today, while arguing with my newly ex-girlfriend over how she cheated on me with a mutual friend, she tried to wash her hands of any guilt, saying that I was "selfish" and "just slut-shaming, really". FML

by Anonymous / 07/21/2013 at 5:49pm / Canada (Alberta) / Love

Today, I was on drive-thru where I work. Our policy is that we can give free treats to dogs that come through. A woman came in and I noticed her dog. Without a thought, I grabbed a treat and asked if her dog wanted one. I looked again. The 'dog' was her daughter. FML

by Treats For Days / 07/19/2013 at 9:54am / Canada (Alberta) / Work