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FMLs submitted from Alberta

Today, my friend texted me from a bar, saying they had just called my name in a raffle to win a trip to Aspen, CO. You had to be at the bar to claim the prize. I had left the bar half-an-hour earlier, not knowing they were even having a raffle. FML

#20920627
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43851) - you deserved it (4269)

On 10/14/2013 at 8:14pm - money - by Anonymous - Canada (Alberta)

Today, some ass-bandit broke into my house by smashing a window, just so he could steal the ancient VHS cassette player that my wife wouldn't let me throw away. Thanks, scumbag, but the front door was unlocked. FML

#20919168
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47506) - you deserved it (4176)

On 10/13/2013 at 5:50pm - money - by and she blames me -_- (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I woke up from a night of heavy drinking to find my girlfriend dumped me. Apparently I drunk-called her last night and told her that someone as beautiful as her could be with someone way better than me. She agreed. FML

#20897714
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42428) - you deserved it (17261)

On 09/27/2013 at 3:33am - love - by drinkdrankdrunk (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I asked my boyfriend about his views on personal growth. He replied, "What, you mean dick size?" FML

#20895521
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43243) - you deserved it (8605)

On 09/25/2013 at 10:42am - intimacy - by what (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my English teacher handed back my creative story assignment with a 74% on it. Apparently, she docked 10% because I had an unrealistic, overly dramatic plot line. That plot line was based on my life. FML

#20887417
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46509) - you deserved it (4125)

On 09/19/2013 at 2:15am - work - by Sua - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I had an interview for my dream job. I spent all of last night preparing, researching the company, and making sure everything was perfect. My interview was for 8am. I woke up at 10:30 to an alarm that had not gone off. FML

#20886551
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48476) - you deserved it (7837)

On 09/18/2013 at 1:41pm - work - by Anonymous - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my 16-year-old cousin came to visit for the week. So far, she's said "raunchy", "cray-cray", "legit", and "like" an uncountable number of times. She's only been here for a half hour. FML

#20881272
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43121) - you deserved it (3585)

On 09/14/2013 at 5:51pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Alberta)

Today, a man walked into the bank I work at and asked what he would need in order to open an account. I had to look him in the eyes with a straight face, say, "Two pieces of identification," and ask him to put some pants on. FML

#20880767
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39812) - you deserved it (2887)

On 09/14/2013 at 11:04am - work - by Anonymous - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I told a guy he should be ashamed of himself for parking in a handicapped space. He hit me with his prosthetic leg. FML

#20875582
218 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18425) - you deserved it (92902)

On 09/10/2013 at 9:23am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, while working at Home Depot, I was asked to cut some wire. When I asked her how much, she said, "From my computer to the wall". After explaining for a while that I didn't know how far that is, she left. FML

Today, my neighbour was practicing his opera singing, drunk. FML

#20869663
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34997) - you deserved it (3214)

On 09/05/2013 at 11:27pm - misc - by Thesuz - Canada (Alberta)

Today, a soon-to-be-ex co-worker flew into a rage when she saw she wasn't on the schedule for next week. The boss told her it's because she quit. She reminded the boss she wants to keep working part-time. My new job is inventing tasks for her to do to keep her calm. FML

#20869282
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38550) - you deserved it (2461)

On 09/05/2013 at 7:29pm - work - by Zuzubat (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my car window got smashed, because someone somehow confused the doll my daughter always leaves strapped into a carseat for an actual kid. It's a cabbage patch kid. FML

#20867513
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49962) - you deserved it (3944)

On 09/04/2013 at 2:10pm - kids - by mother to an ugly doll - Canada (Alberta)



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