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FMLs submitted from Alberta

Today, it was my wedding. Every good wedding has slutty wedding sex, and I thought it would be over after my cousin and his girlfriend were caught in the parking lot. I was wrong, the sluttiest wedding sex goes to my drunk husband and sister in the coat room. FML

#20684997
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (78399) - you deserved it (4857)

On 05/25/2013 at 2:55am - love - by lizzie - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I confronted my boss to find out why I was denied a promotion that she promised to me. Her response? "You should know by now I'm a liar. Not my fault if you believe the things I say." FML

#20680205
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36651) - you deserved it (3346)

On 05/22/2013 at 5:48pm - work - by Snurkles McGee (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I was going on a blind date with a girl. She walked up to the table, said "Nah, no thanks" and left. FML

#20675286
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48296) - you deserved it (4224)

On 05/20/2013 at 12:02pm - misc - by well okay then - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my wife gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. She's perfect in every way, except for her birth mark. It's under the corner of her left eye and looks almost exactly like a prison teardrop tattoo. FML

#20673142
198 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50062) - you deserved it (7011)

On 05/19/2013 at 2:33pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I brought my girlfriend home for the first time to meet my parents. They were having a heated argument because my mom had bought "the wrong toilet paper" and my dad was angry because "she should know that he has a sensitive anus". FML

#20668913
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47953) - you deserved it (3365)

On 05/17/2013 at 11:52am - misc - by Sonofa - Canada (Alberta)

Today, while packing for a trip, my mom bumped my bag and it started to vibrate. She flew into a huge rage calling me all sorts of colourful names, thinking it was a sex toy. It was my tooth brush. FML

#20649670
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (71843) - you deserved it (5306)

On 05/08/2013 at 10:44am - intimacy - by oops - Canada (Alberta)

Today, it's my birthday. I worked late, so I was looking forward to spending a quiet evening with my husband. When he suggested we go grocery shopping, I got excited thinking he had organized a surprise party or something. He actually just took me grocery shopping. FML

#20647398
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48947) - you deserved it (8930)

On 05/07/2013 at 8:48am - love - by Anonymous - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my dog had her stomach pumped because she ate some cookies. The 100 cookies I made for a bake sale to be exact. FML

#20636616
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39524) - you deserved it (6172)

On 05/02/2013 at 8:50am - animals - by Anonymous - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my boyfriend and I attempted sexting for the first time. After about twenty minutes of Star Wars references, I gave up. FML

#20604154
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48138) - you deserved it (9425)

On 04/19/2013 at 1:14am - intimacy - by Anonymous - Canada (Alberta)

Today, when I was talking to my younger brother, he suddenly said "Oh, I was supposed to tell you that there's this girl who has a huge crush on you!" I asked who and he answered, "I totally forgot her name, that was like 2 months ago." FML

#20589493
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48881) - you deserved it (3881)

On 04/14/2013 at 3:28am - love - by MissedTheBoat (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my social teacher thought it would be a great idea to have a casual debate about Margaret Thatcher and her legacy. Within 10 minutes, the entire class was yelling, screaming, throwing stuff at each other. I got hit in the face with a binder. FML

#20584117
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37506) - you deserved it (3525)

On 04/10/2013 at 8:40pm - misc - by great idea - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I was babysitting, and after the kids fell asleep I started hiding the Easter candy. They woke up when I was half-done, and it didn't take them long to figure out what was going on. They won't stop crying, and every time I go near them, they scream "LIAR!" FML

#20569899
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34215) - you deserved it (7492)

On 04/01/2013 at 12:02pm - kids - by Anonymous - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I gave my girlfriend an orgasm for the first time. She's a screamer. Her dog must have thought I was attacking her, because he immediately came over and started savaging me. FML

#20562430
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50309) - you deserved it (5742)

On 03/27/2013 at 2:26pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Alberta)



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