FMLs submitted from Alberta

Today, my daughter was going to Bulk Barn so I asked her to pick me up something to snack on. When she got home, she brought over a bag and without listening to her explain what it was, I began eating it. She looked at me confused, then began laughing. It was a dog treat. FML

by oops... / 09/12/2014 at 1:50am / Canada (Alberta) / Kids

Today, I caught my little sister taking a selfie in the mirror with a fake nose piercing, peace sign, and a duck face. She's 12. FML

by MusicLover18 / 09/03/2014 at 7:35pm / Canada (Alberta) / Kids

Today, my roommate came back from camping. My toothbrush magically reappeared as well. FML

by germophobe / 09/01/2014 at 9:53pm / Canada (Alberta) / Health

Today, I found out my girlfriend doesn't really take flute lessons after all. In related news, every time my best friend supposedly drives her to flute lessons, he's actually taking her to his house for a different kind of activity. FML

by Anonymous / 08/23/2014 at 2:16pm / Canada (Alberta) / Love

Today, I woke up to a blood-curdling scream from the living room. I jumped up and went running, only to find out it was my mother, who'd screamed at some dramatic plot twist in a Sex and the City episode. FML

by leastitwasntsurpriseanal / 08/22/2014 at 4:26pm / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous

Today, I'm getting married. I have a big poofy white dress and, oh yes, the shits. Here's hoping I can make it down the aisle without rushing off to the toilet. FML

by ithinkicanmakeit / 08/20/2014 at 1:01pm / Canada (Alberta) / Love

Today, I was out with my boyfriend, when he started browsing wedding rings. He found a ring, proposed to me right there in front of a crowd, and then was promptly denied a payment plan. We left without a ring. FML

by badluck / 07/21/2014 at 3:31pm / Canada (Alberta) / Love

Today, my friends thought it would be funny to slip a condom under my pillow at boot camp. The staff found out, I got bitched out for 30 minutes straight, and now I have to put a condom on the grip of any rifle I'm issued for a week. My new callsign is "Love Glove". FML

by LoveGlove / 06/21/2014 at 5:42pm / Canada (Alberta) / Work

Today, my 8-year-old son microwaved his pet hamster. FML

by sunil / 06/13/2014 at 6:53pm / Canada (Alberta) / Animals

Today, I went to work in my best outfit for the big corporate party we were having later in the day. When I arrived, my boss said, "You missed one hell of a party yesterday!" Shit. FML

by Anonymous / 06/09/2014 at 5:20pm / Canada (Alberta) / Work

Today, I clogged the only toilet at work. Thinking I could escape and blame someone else, I opened the door, only to see a line of people waiting outside. FML

by deservedly / 06/09/2014 at 12:28pm / Canada (Alberta) / Work

Today, I actually uttered the words: "Those are my good sweatpants." FML

by dieana / 05/16/2014 at 8:16am / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous

Today, while at work, I asked an older customer how he was doing. He told me that he'd just lost his wife. I gave my condolences before he clarified that his wife was not dead, but was lost in Walmart. FML

by oh god. / 05/14/2014 at 7:16pm / Canada (Alberta) / Work