FMLs submitted from Alberta

Today, I got a new job and told everyone about it. A few hours later, I got an email from the executive saying I actually don't have the job anymore. FML

by dontplaywithmyfeelings / 03/02/2015 at 8:42pm / Canada (Alberta) / Work

Today, the guy I've been seeing for a few months told me he couldn't stay overnight because his mom would yell at him for not coming home. We're both 30 and I didn't know he still lived at home. FML

by thenewgirl29 / 02/05/2015 at 11:42am / Canada (Alberta) / Love

Today, my boyfriend uploaded a pic to snapchat that said "the love of my life." It was a pic of our beautiful baby girl. Then he uploaded another pic that said "the 2nd love of my life." It was a pic of the fuel truck he drives for work. FML

by Anonymous / 01/23/2015 at 1:33am / Canada (Alberta) / Love

Today, I saw a little old lady trying to cross the street. I went over and tried to help her. Turned out she was actually just a really short young woman. As soon as I took her arm, she screamed in front of everyone and accused me of trying to molest her. FML

by Help Me / 01/17/2015 at 10:45pm / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous

Today, my aunt and uncle came into the restaurant I work at to give me a late Christmas gift. The gift was the $20 tip they left, which got divided amongst all the staff. FML

Today, I witnessed my dad rummage through his nostrils, thoughtfully examine the contents, and flick them nonchalantly onto the carpet. All of this he did with the biggest demented grin on his face. Sadly, this has become a regular occurrence. FML

by blech / 12/08/2014 at 6:08pm / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous

Today, my teacher "busted" me for writing down answers on my arm for a test. The so called "answers" was just a duck my little nephew had drawn on my hand the night before. She's actually trying to get me suspended over it. FML

by really / 11/13/2014 at 1:17pm / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous

Today, realized I need a new job. This happened when I was seriously considering ways to break my leg so I could stay at home for a day and not have to deal with my boss. FML

by I don't want to be here anymore / 11/03/2014 at 4:16pm / Canada (Alberta) / Work

Today, I had my first job interview. The manager asks me to sell him his pen. Thinking I'm all smart, I reenact the scene from the Wolf of Wall Street and say, 'Write down your name'. He calmly reaches into his drawer, takes out another pen and writes his name down. He then looks at me and laughs. FML

by shadysheikh / 10/29/2014 at 12:55am / Canada (Alberta) / Work

Today, after emptying the dishwasher, I noticed something in the back by the drain. It looked like a turkey bone. Upon closer inspection, it was a mouse carcass. I have no idea how many loads of dishes have gone through with it in there. FML

by MouserMan / 10/22/2014 at 10:47am / Canada (Alberta) / Animals

Today, I made up an ingenious plan to finally hook up with the guy I really like at a party. Well, the plan itself worked great. Too bad I got so drunk that I used it on the wrong person. FML

by Anonymous / 09/28/2014 at 12:42pm / Canada (Alberta) / Intimacy

Today, I was home sick and playing with my dog. I suddenly felt the urge to throw up, so I sprinted to the bathroom. My dog thought this was an invitation to chase me and tackle me to the floor. FML

by furryfriend / 09/16/2014 at 2:46pm / Canada (Alberta) / Animals

Today, I discovered that one of our cats is super creepy. He humps the blankets on my mother's bed while staring at her while she's sleeping. FML

by Anonymous / 09/13/2014 at 2:56am / Canada (Alberta) / Animals