FMLs submitted from Alberta

Today, I found a mealworm in my cornflakes. I had already finished most of the bowl. I didn't make it to the toilet to throw up. FML

by blowinchunks / 11/24/2009 at 1:00am / Canada (Alberta) / Health

Today, my girlfriend broke up me with for being the "perfect boyfriend". Apparently I'm the best boyfriend she's ever had, and she didn't know how to take it. So she dumped me. FML

by Micheal / 11/22/2009 at 10:59pm / Canada (Alberta) / Love

Today, I was laughing at a story of a girl who had dropped her cellphone in a hottub and ruined it. As I was feeling pretty good about myself, I then realized that my cellphone was in the pocket of a sweater that I had just thrown in the washer 20 minutes prior. FML

by Cellphonetroubles / 11/19/2009 at 2:36am / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous

Today, I canceled my dental check-up because I'm getting busy at work. Then, as I was flossing, my finger slipped, I heard a "crunch" from one of my fillings, and I now have a killer toothache. It's costing me double to go to the dentist because it's now an emergency call. FML

by Anonymous / 11/17/2009 at 11:56am / Canada (Alberta) / Health

Today, while I was in the middle of making love with my boyfriend, I mentioned bringing another lady in the picture to spice it up. He looked at me and said "let's ask your sister." He then got dressed and called her. FML

by 3sacrowd / 11/16/2009 at 10:46pm / Canada (Alberta) / Intimacy

Today, my band played for our school. We were cheered for and everything. Being the lead singer I tried to look cool and push the mic away and pull it back by pushing down the bottom of the stand with my foot. It hit my face and I bled like crazy but I kept singing. No one clapped at the end. FML

by Anonymous / 11/14/2009 at 2:27am / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend of three years sent me a text saying: "I don't think we can see each other anymore, the nights were great, but I think I'm falling in love with Julie". I'm Julie. FML

by JJ / 11/13/2009 at 10:07pm / Canada (Alberta) / Love

Today, I started talking to a friend about how he needs to stop overreacting and getting angry very easily. He kicked sand up in the air, and it came back into his eyes. He started getting angry, and when I told him this is what I was talking about, he hit me in the nose. FML

by angrymadman3542342 / 11/12/2009 at 1:58am / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to a petting zoo to take pictures. I look down to see a goat chewing the sleeve of my new sweater, so as I reached down to get it loose, it started eating my hair. People took pictures of me wrestling the goat before they helped me. FML

by Anonymous / 11/09/2009 at 4:12am / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous

Today, I walked in on my dad and his new "girlfriend". A couple days ago I realized that my sexy clothes that my boyfriend had bought me for our anniversary was missing. Guess who was wearing it? FML

by Meggie / 11/05/2009 at 12:06am / Canada (Alberta) / Intimacy

Today, I went to my university bookstore and tried to use my debit card to pay, but got the "Insufficient Funds" notification. I was buying a single postage stamp, which costs 57 cents. FML

by poorcollegestudent / 10/30/2009 at 4:32pm / Canada (Alberta) / Money

Today, after a long workout I come back to my locker, to find my lock had been cut. I looked inside realizing my phone and ipod had been stolen. If that wasn't bad enough, my keys were gone. I ran out to the parking lot to find an empty spot where my car had once been parked. FML

by abdominates / 10/23/2009 at 12:48pm / Canada (Alberta) / Transportation

Today, I was riding the bus home from college. I was standing in the aisle and there was a rather cute girl sitting next to me. The bus came to an abrupt stop, I tripped, and fell into her lap. She shrieked, "Eww! Get off me!" and shove me onto the floor of the bus. Nice to know I'm revolting. FML

by Chris / 10/22/2009 at 12:57am / Canada (Alberta) / Transportation