FMLs submitted from Alberta

Today, after taking a pregnancy test and carefully disposing of all the evidence so no one would find out, I realized I left the receipt for it on the bathroom counter. I noticed too late as I watch my mom step out of the bathroom, and my step-father go in right after. FML

by Anonymous / 05/14/2010 at 12:33am / Canada (Alberta) / Health

Today, I was working, ripping siding off a house. I pulled off a sheet that was over my head. I got rained with what I thought was woodchips that was behind the siding. Turns out they were dead grasshoppers. Guess what I found in my bra after work. FML

by xUnluckyx / 03/18/2010 at 1:45am / Canada (Alberta) / Work

Today, I accidentally downloaded a virus, which hijacked my email program. I somehow doubt the Dean at my university will thank me for my suggestion that he too could experience 100% natural male enhancement pills. FML

by smarie09 / 03/06/2010 at 5:44pm / Canada (Alberta) / Geek

Today, while waiting to do a presentation in class I felt someone flick my back, but when I turned around no one was there. It wasn't until I got up in front of the whole class that I felt my bra slowly sliding down my body. Turns out that the "flick" I felt was actually my bra clasp busting open. FML

by thewordsicantsay / 02/25/2010 at 2:05am / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had a seizure at work. My boss walked by and saw me, but didn't help or do anything because he thought I was "picking something up off the floor." FML

by argh / 02/24/2010 at 1:29am / Canada (Alberta) / Work

Today, I went skiing. Trying to show off to some inexperienced skiers, I flew past them at my top speed, a bracket snapped off my boot and I slid on my face for about 30 metres. FML

by hoser / 02/21/2010 at 5:01am / Canada (Alberta) / Holidays

Today, I was laying on the bed, naked, waiting for my boyfriend to come home since we haven't had sex in almost a month. Hearing him come in, I struck my sexiest pose. He walked into our room and tossed his backpack at me. Not only did we not have sex, his backpack gave me a black eye. FML

by horny21 / 02/21/2010 at 3:19am / Canada (Alberta) / Intimacy

Today, I learned the hard way that my foundation shows up under a black light. At a black light party. No one told me until afterwards. Everyone took pictures. FML

by makeuuuuup / 02/20/2010 at 8:52pm / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was washing a stainless steel pot at my kitchen job. Every time I pulled it out of the dishwasher and examined it for dirt, I saw something orange inside it. After 3 run-throughs, I realized it was just my shirt's reflection. FML

by 3Airwalk3 / 02/16/2010 at 12:23am / Canada (Alberta) / Work

Today, my friends thought it would be funny to rub Tabasco sauce on my household toilet paper. FML

by dzisfml / 02/14/2010 at 3:42am / Canada (Alberta) / Love

Today, my very drunk mother decided to run down the block naked, screaming at the top of her lungs, "She's trying to kill me" as I followed behind her in my car, yelling for her to get in. FML

by Anonymous / 02/12/2010 at 2:51am / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend decided to name his penis "Jesus". For the last two hours he's been continuously asking if I "want to be touched by Jesus" or will I "let Jesus in to spread his warmth." FML

by syl / 02/11/2010 at 1:18am / Canada (Alberta) / Intimacy

Today, I found out why my five year old has been throwing tantrums while shopping. It turns out my ex-husband has been paying her three dollars for every public tantrum she throws. FML

by inthedark / 02/09/2010 at 12:53pm / Canada (Alberta) / Kids