FMLs submitted from Alberta

Today, while cuddling with my boyfriend in the dark, he grabbed onto a fat roll and asked, "Is this your stomach or boob?" I didn't have the heart to tell him it was a back roll. FML

by anonymous / 11/06/2010 at 6:37pm / Canada (Alberta) / Love

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. It was the first time in four months since our baby was born, that I could really enjoy it. After we finished up we walked into the livingroom, where my white faced brother was sitting. He said we left the baby monitor on. FML

by Anonymous / 11/02/2010 at 12:26pm / Canada (Alberta) / Intimacy

Today, I got my first university math midterm back. I did so bad that my teacher put a sadface on the first page. FML

by Anonymous / 11/01/2010 at 2:04pm / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was following a makeup tutorial on YouTube. The girl said to apply concealer to any "problem areas" on my face. When I was done, 90% of my face was covered in concealer. FML

by demaris / 10/30/2010 at 7:46pm / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous

Today, I discovered that my new roommate likes to take the loose hair when she showers and make shapes with it on the shower wall. She calls it art. FML

by Anonymous / 10/29/2010 at 9:25pm / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was showering at hockey practice. It would have been business as usual, if not for one of my teammates playing with his junk and not-so-subtly asked me to connect. There are 5 more months of hockey. FML

by thjeltz / 10/27/2010 at 2:48pm / Canada (Alberta) / Intimacy

Today, my boss walked up and smacked my butt. I am a 19 year old guy. My boss is a 50 year old woman. I desperately need this job. FML

by Anonymous / 10/21/2010 at 12:56pm / Canada (Alberta) / Work

Today, I was walking to school. I started running to catch up with my friend. I yelled her name, and she turned around in time to watch me slip on a sheet of ice, fall face first, and pass out. When she ran to my side, I unconsciously peed on her. FML

by anonymous / 10/16/2010 at 11:18am / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous

Today, my ex-girlfriend was having lunch with my parents. Believing she was in love with me and feeling the same, I dropped by. My parents told me that she’s their friend and that she has a boyfriend that they approve of, all while telling me I was never good enough for her. FML

by Anonymous / 10/04/2010 at 3:59pm / Canada (Alberta) / Love

Today, is my 21st birthday. My friends took me to a bar to celebrate, knowing I don't drink. I am now in charge of driving my friends home after they had an awesome night. FML

by happy bday / 09/17/2010 at 12:02am / Canada (Alberta) / Transportation

Today, I procrastinated on doing my on-line training for my new job. Thinking it would only take a few hours to complete, I started it in the early evening. It is now almost 4 am, and I start my new job in 3 hours. There is still about another hour and a half on on-line training left. FML

by Anonymous / 09/13/2010 at 5:40am / Canada (Alberta) / Work

Today, I went with my family to go see a notoriously creepy abandoned house. We noticed the people had left a lot of stuff behind so we loaded up the car with books, records, etc. As we were leaving, we saw the family who lived there drive up. I robbed a house with my grandma. FML

by tikizombie / 08/30/2010 at 8:04pm / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was moving out of my old place. While walking around to make sure I would get my damage deposit back, I stepped on my roommate's lipstick and smeared it all over the white carpet. Then, I tripped on the phone cord and ripped the whole thing out of the wall. FML

by tikizombie / 08/30/2010 at 4:10pm / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous