FMLs submitted from Alberta

Today, my high school guidance counselor tried to convince me NOT to go to college, mainly because it's been so long since someone from my high school went to college, that she got rid of all the college information she used to have. FML

by CollegeBoy / 04/13/2011 at 9:07am / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous

Today, I saw my unemployed 29-year-old son, who still lives with us, reading the work section of the newspaper and prayed that he was looking for a job. He was looking for the comics. FML

by JT / 04/12/2011 at 10:19am / Canada (Alberta) / Kids

Today, I bought myself a brand-new 52" flatscreen. It was only in my house for 2 hours before my toddler had a tantrum, threw a toy right into the screen and wrecked it beyond repair. I paid to have a nice TV for 2 hours. FML

by ac32 / 04/11/2011 at 12:05pm / Canada (Alberta) / Kids

Today, I woke up to a beautiful sunrise, the smell of bacon in a frying pan, and some dickhead trying to pick the lock on my front door. FML

Today, I found out that using a certain hand sanitizer as masturbation lube will put you in the hospital and result in having to wear an adult diaper for a week. FML

by JJMan217 / 03/29/2011 at 2:28am / Canada (Alberta) / Intimacy

Today, I got a call from my 8 year old son's teacher. Apparently, my kid has been charging girls a quarter to touch his "special area." FML

by omg / 03/24/2011 at 8:43pm / Canada (Alberta) / Kids

Today, my cab driver told me about the time he tried to commit suicide by driving off a bridge... while we were crossing a river. FML

by phantomdriver / 03/24/2011 at 6:51pm / Canada (Alberta) / Transportation

Today, I was at work as a grocery store cashier. I felt a hand slap my ass. Turning around I saw an old man winking at me and I screamed. When my manager came to deal with the problem she didn't believe me and gave the man a $25 gift card for 'the trouble' I caused. FML

by Cashier / 03/09/2011 at 12:36am / Canada (Alberta) / Work

Today, I found out that if you see a picture in your boss's office of a extremely good looking, big breasted woman kissing him on the cheek, not to comment. Because that extremely good looking, big breasted woman, just might be his daughter. FML

by st00pid / 03/04/2011 at 1:07am / Canada (Alberta) / Work

Today, I desperately tried to explain to my boyfriend why he shouldn't talk about the bible during sex. He honestly doesn't understand. FML

by Clare / 02/21/2011 at 6:15pm / Canada (Alberta) / Intimacy

Today, I had my buddies over for a few beers and, trying to be cool, I told my wife to get out of the living room and back in the kitchen. I felt smug, right up until she said, "Why? Your mom doesn't need to be turned over for another 20 minutes, dick." FML

by :/ / 02/20/2011 at 1:44pm / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous

Today, I realized how out of shape I am, when I couldn't finish masturbating because I ran out of breath. FML

by RyanM / 02/13/2011 at 4:01am / Canada (Alberta) / Intimacy

Today, I found out that FedEx delivered my $700 package to the wrong person. The person who signed for it didn't even spell my name right. FML

by bob / 02/07/2011 at 1:52am / Canada (Alberta) / Money