Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

FMLs submitted from Alberta

Today, working as a nurse, I asked a 61-year-old patient if he did any physical activity. His reply was, "Well, I do masturbate a lot". He then went on to describe the various techniques he uses. FML

#17643019
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35399) - you deserved it (4094)

On 09/02/2011 at 8:47am - intimacy - by rochellamaya - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my girlfriend will only speak to me using Lady Gaga lyrics. FML

#17627394
223 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36005) - you deserved it (5525)

On 08/31/2011 at 2:31am - love - by ryanlogan - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I bought my daughter a bunk bed. After spending several hours building it, she climbed up, then fainted. Turns out she's afraid of heights. FML

#17620936
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31156) - you deserved it (3698)

On 08/30/2011 at 12:45pm - kids - by bunkbed - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I found out what it's like to get brain-freeze while recovering from a head injury. FML

#17540688
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26660) - you deserved it (4454)

On 08/21/2011 at 7:09pm - health - by The captain - Canada (Alberta)

Today, a stripper came into my work to get some posters copied. She asked if she could pay in small bills. I just touched $50 that have probably rubbed up against a stripper's twat. FML

#17529546
297 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29738) - you deserved it (6251)

On 08/20/2011 at 2:26pm - work - by ChePow (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my father described my method of hiding porn on the computer as "extremely naive." I don't know what's worse, that he found my porn or that he's better at hiding his. FML

#17355866
197 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15367) - you deserved it (30652)

On 08/03/2011 at 2:31pm - intimacy - by Alohaporno (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I was presented with a bill for $27,601 by my single, alcoholic, deadbeat father. Why? "For having to raise your goddamn lazy ass." FML

#17350517
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37492) - you deserved it (2893)

On 08/03/2011 at 12:45am - money - by bigbill - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex, and it was my first time being on top. I got so into it that when I went to put my hands on the wall for support, the shelf above my bed snapped, with my favorite little cactus falling onto his face. FML

#17294808
224 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40857) - you deserved it (10309)

On 07/29/2011 at 3:24am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, the gift my mother had mailed me for my birthday finally arrived. It was a gift card for Starbucks. A gift card that had already been redeemed. FML

#17219052
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31610) - you deserved it (2300)

On 07/22/2011 at 4:31pm - misc - by coffee girl (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my neighbor finally cut the grass on his front lawn. At 2 in the morning. FML

#17187293
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32314) - you deserved it (3212)

On 07/20/2011 at 3:55am - misc - by anon - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I learned that my girlfriend is cheating on me when she was arrested for having sex in public. Not with me though. FML

#17173696
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44366) - you deserved it (3480)

On 07/19/2011 at 3:40am - intimacy - by ken - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I have horrible morning sickness. I was helping my daughter fingerpaint, when suddenly the smell of the paint set my stomach off. I threw up all over myself and her painting. FML

#17162768
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31140) - you deserved it (4108)

On 07/18/2011 at 12:22pm - health - by deeenalynn - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I was standing at airport security. One of the bag inspectors asked me to remove my travel pouch, pointing to the lump under my shirt. I didn't know how to tell him that it was just one of my fat rolls. FML

#17058882
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33330) - you deserved it (13163)

On 07/10/2011 at 10:34pm - health - by muffintop (woman) - Canada (Alberta)



Maïté Verjux's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Auntie Bernie delivers in 2016
  • Greetings my young friends! It's 2016 and I'm late. No, I'm not pregnant, I'm way too old for that sort of thing, even though I've been trying a lot recently (hey there Didier, you randy rascal…

Friday 5 February 2016

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: