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FMLs submitted from Alberta

Today, my 6-year-old daughter barged into the bathroom while I was peeing, inspected the toilet and said, "You're well hydrated, good job." FML

#21405462
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30576) - you deserved it (3827)

On 05/06/2015 at 1:22am - kids - by seethroughpee - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my grandma told me point-blank that she despises gays, but that she'll go to my wedding for the booze and nothing more. FML

#21396211
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33741) - you deserved it (4902)

On 04/19/2015 at 12:34pm - love - by leonuniz (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I woke up to my boyfriend repeatedly whispering in my ear, "You want to give me a blowjob". Yes, he actually thought it would work. FML

#21389410
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31915) - you deserved it (4160)

On 04/07/2015 at 5:00pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I came back from a week-long vacation where I had no internet whatsoever. I turned on my phone to get notifications, hoping to see a message or two that I'd missed while gone. There was 1 notification, telling me how many FMLs were posted while I was away. FML

#21388075
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31101) - you deserved it (3126)

On 04/05/2015 at 2:03pm - misc - by supercharged - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I found out that my friend's family has been using red paper to help his little brother with his potty training. "Aim for the red!" they would say to him. I guess today was a bad day to wear red pants. FML

#21381127
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29676) - you deserved it (2745)

On 03/25/2015 at 2:26am - kids - by ILoveLamps (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, while working at McDonald's, a guy asked me to deep fry his salad. FML

#21376328
109 comments

Today, my boss chewed me out for leaving a work function early. I explained it was to avoid a former co-worker I constantly fought with. The boss revealed he purposely invited that former co-worker, hoping our fight would provide entertainment. FML

#21376314
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33797) - you deserved it (2812)

On 03/17/2015 at 10:54am - work - by Anonymous - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I fell in the shower and knocked myself out. When I came to I turned off the water and called my mom. She seemed more worried about the amount of water I "wasted" than she was about me. FML

#21374975
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33151) - you deserved it (2911)

On 03/15/2015 at 11:01am - health - by lordtimbit - Canada (Alberta)

Today, the phone rang while I was on the toilet. I asked my 3-year-old daughter to answer it, only for her to loudly say, "Mommy's on the toilet pooping." FML

#21372435
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28438) - you deserved it (8502)

On 03/11/2015 at 9:55am - kids - by birdisnottheword (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I got a new job and told everyone about it. A few hours later, I got an email from the executive saying I actually don't have the job anymore. FML

#21366823
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28290) - you deserved it (2581)

On 03/02/2015 at 8:42pm - work - by dontplaywithmyfeelings - Canada (Alberta)

Today, the guy I've been seeing for a few months told me he couldn't stay overnight because his mom would yell at him for not coming home. We're both 30 and I didn't know he still lived at home. FML

#21350278
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34007) - you deserved it (4060)

On 02/05/2015 at 11:42am - love - by thenewgirl29 - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my boyfriend uploaded a pic to snapchat that said "the love of my life." It was a pic of our beautiful baby girl. Then he uploaded another pic that said "the 2nd love of my life." It was a pic of the fuel truck he drives for work. FML

#21342658
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32057) - you deserved it (4280)

On 01/23/2015 at 1:33am - love - by Anonymous - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I saw a little old lady trying to cross the street. I went over and tried to help her. Turned out she was actually just a really short young woman. As soon as I took her arm, she screamed in front of everyone and accused me of trying to molest her. FML

#21339220
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29685) - you deserved it (8009)

On 01/17/2015 at 10:45pm - misc - by Help Me (man) - Canada (Alberta)



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