FMLs submitted from Alberta

Today, I got my very first tattoo. Excited, I sent a picture to my best friend. Her response? "You're joking, right?" FML

Today, I tried to explain autism to my classmates. One of them, a professional cunt who's always looking for an excuse to lecture people, accused me of being "ableist" because my explanations weren't accurate, and said I shouldn't explain things I don't understand. I'm actually autistic. FML

by Ishikur / 02/03/2016 at 8:33am / Canada (Alberta) / Health

Today, I rushed over to stop my infant daughter from falling off her swing. Luckily just before she hit the ground, I woke up. Unfortunately, I woke up because I'd rolled off my bed and hit the floor. FML

by MandieL / 01/30/2016 at 3:56am / Canada (Alberta) / Kids

Today, I was at school deleting documents I no longer needed on my school account. After clicking empty trash can, I saw a final paper on political science deleted. I'm not in political science, and I wasn't deleting files on my account. FML

by Jennifer / 01/20/2016 at 2:20pm / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was told that if I was caught yawning again, I'd be fired. FML

by Anonymous / 01/19/2016 at 6:36pm / Canada (Alberta) / Work

Today, I went for bloodwork. It's routine for me, so I was ready for the nurse to put in the needle and take my blood. It went in fine, but right after, she slowly pulled the needle out, then wondered why the blood stopped. She then moved it back and forth in my arm while I panicked silently. FML

by bloodless / 01/05/2016 at 12:17am / Canada (Alberta) / Health

Today, I fell asleep while using my laptop. The next thing I know, it's 8am and my dad is screaming at me for posting "u skank-ass cunt-face" on my mom's Facebook timeline. I never made that post, but he won't believe me. My asshole brother, meanwhile, can't stop smirking at me. FML

by Anonymous / 12/10/2015 at 8:27am / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mother went through my bag and found what she thought was rolling papers. I was yelled at and called a stupid pothead with no future. They were facial blotting papers. FML

by ugh / 11/30/2015 at 10:52pm / Canada (Alberta) / Health

Today, my stepmom asked me to bake pies for a dinner party she was having. Since I love baking, I said yes. When I went to deliver the pies, I found out they were for a family dinner I wasn't invited to. FML

by anon / 11/27/2015 at 3:21pm / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous

Today, my dad went to a hardware store to replace the broken shower head in my bathroom. He got the cheapest shower head he could find, and so when I took a shower, the shower head burst out and hit me square in the face. FML

by NoBasement4U / 11/26/2015 at 3:24pm / Canada (Alberta) / Money

Today, I learned that I cannot cook or clean in my kitchen because it's too noisy for my neighbour. Every time I do, she bangs on the wall. FML

by anonymous / 11/24/2015 at 9:59pm / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous

Today, I asked my school counselor in strict confidence for advice on how to help a friend of mine, who has bulimia. When I got home, I found out that "someone" had called my parents and told them that I'm bulimic. They won't believe the truth. FML

by Anonymous / 11/06/2015 at 4:23pm / Canada (Alberta) / Health

Today, I was called a ruthless bitch for not waking up early to search for my car keys, so my boyfriend could go get his pipe and get high before work. FML

by cantfallbackasleep / 10/22/2015 at 10:05am / Canada (Alberta) / Love