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FMLs submitted from Alberta

Today, my mother told me it's okay to be a prostitute, as long as I make sure the clients pay a lot. FML

#19348653
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28297) - you deserved it (3874)

On 03/26/2012 at 12:11am - intimacy - by Teenagegirl (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my boyfriend wrote a song for me. As he was singing it to me I realized it was actually a breakup song. FML

#19342330
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29534) - you deserved it (2308)

On 03/25/2012 at 12:40am - love - by lil123 (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, two drop dead gorgeous Australians asked me for directions. Being so shocked by their beauty and accents, I couldn't get words out of my mouth. The one said to the other "Nope she doesn't speak English", then walked away. FML

#19337051
205 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21007) - you deserved it (9551)

On 03/24/2012 at 2:45am - misc - by jennag5 - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I gave in and let my friend give me a makeover. She couldn't find my eyelash curler, but decided that if she used scissors lightly, it would work just the same. Needless to say, it did not work. FML

#19286759
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10393) - you deserved it (27158)

On 03/16/2012 at 1:11am - misc - by neveragain - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my best friend informed me that she has been sleeping with my boyfriend. She tried to justify it by saying, "He's just going to break up with you anyway." FML

#19248875
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32499) - you deserved it (2136)

On 03/10/2012 at 12:12am - love - by best friend! - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I was in class and felt something tugging on my hair. I thought it was caught on the chair, so I turned around a little to look. The guy behind me was holding my hair and smelling it. He gave me a creepy smile, winked, and continued. FML

#19238857
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27534) - you deserved it (2163)

On 03/08/2012 at 11:23am - misc - by littlekellilee - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I came home to an eviction notice after an apartment inspection. The reason? Having an unauthorized pet that could cause unnecessary damage to my suite. My pet is a goldfish. FML

#19223873
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29989) - you deserved it (3394)

On 03/05/2012 at 9:47pm - animals - by goldfish - Canada (Alberta)

Today, it's my birthday. My mom got me a gym membership and a bunch of clothes that are a few sizes too small. FML

#19207312
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24869) - you deserved it (7337)

On 03/03/2012 at 3:06am - health - by bannana0zoom - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I found out that my wife is pregnant again. During her last two pregnancies, she craved pop-tarts and screamed bloody murder at the drop of a hat, so I went out and bought a box for her. Turns out that this time, pop-tarts make her want to puke. Cue screaming. FML

#19139199
249 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30471) - you deserved it (4026)

On 02/22/2012 at 2:55pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my husband came home late from drinking with his buddies, only to toss and turn and keep me up for an hour. He then sat up and didn't move for a few minutes. I sat up to see what was wrong, only to see him pissing on the carpet beside our bed. FML

#19126336
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26103) - you deserved it (2333)

On 02/20/2012 at 9:15pm - misc - by Carpet cleaner (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I realized the $40 iPhone case I bought to keep my new phone from getting scratched, scratched my iPhone. FML

#19114135
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24264) - you deserved it (5984)

On 02/19/2012 at 10:30am - misc - by LadyGore - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I dropped my bag to run after my two year old who had bolted in the parking lot. Once he was in his seat, I got in and drove away. I felt two large thumps as I drove over my own iPad, cellphone and wallet. FML

#19093347
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27725) - you deserved it (13301)

On 02/16/2012 at 1:36pm - kids - by ray - Canada (Alberta)

Today, was the fifth night I've dreamed of brushing my teeth. I wake up about three times a night because as I spit in my dream, I actually spit on my face as I'm sleeping. FML

#18995010
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23247) - you deserved it (2718)

On 02/04/2012 at 7:35pm - misc - by wetdreams - Canada (Alberta)



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