FMLs submitted from Alberta

Today, I yet again purposely avoided the 'Health and Fitness' section on pinterest to keep my self-esteem up. FML

by fatty / 11/21/2012 at 1:20am / Canada (Alberta) / Health

Today, on my job as a police officer, I received a typical domestic disturbance call. Not so typical was the address. Guess my wife's affair went terribly wrong while I was on shift. FML

by SebastianMiko / 11/09/2012 at 2:18am / Canada (Alberta) / Love

Today, my teacher wore a bikini at the pool. She is 68. FML

by Owen / 11/07/2012 at 1:39pm / Canada (Alberta) / Work

Today, my mom hosted a high-school reunion. I had to prepare dessert, while my brother cooked dinner. Being the absolute dickhead that he is, he switched the sugar with salt. All the desserts I made tasted like shit, everyone left, and I got grounded for my supposed prank. FML

by HOPE YOU GET PEGGED / 10/21/2012 at 7:00pm / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went out for a few drinks with some friends. All night, I kept smiling and showing off my newly brace-free teeth. Later on, one of my friends drunkly asked, "Why does she keep smiling? Her teeth are fucking jacked." FML

by murp / 10/18/2012 at 12:26pm / Canada (Alberta) / Health

Today, I woke up and found a little note where my husband should have been. It said, "We've had some good times, hun, but it's time for me to move on." We've been married for 15 years, and have 3 children. FML

by AbandonedHouseWife / 10/17/2012 at 4:16pm / Canada (Alberta) / Love

Today, I have such bad diarrhea that every time I sneeze I poop. I've discovered it's very hard to run to the bathroom every time I feel the urge to sneeze. FML

by monkers / 10/06/2012 at 3:12am / Canada (Alberta) / Health

Today, I fell down the stairs and landed heavily on my foot. Because I wasn't crying, my mom refused to take me to the hospital. It took me an hour of agony to convince her. It turned out to be broken in three different places. FML

by ... / 10/02/2012 at 4:55pm / Canada (Alberta) / Health

Today, I got yelled at for providing horrible customer service, in a store I don't even work for. FML

by anonymous / 09/30/2012 at 1:32am / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous

Today, it's my best friend's birthday. It's also the first year I've had her gift purchased, wrapped and mailed on time. The post office lost the parcel. FML

Today, I saw a dog trying to attack a man. I have experience working with aggressive dogs, so I pulled the dog off him and got it under control. The man punched me in the face for not having my dog on a leash. It wasn't my dog. I don't even own a dog. FML

by Anonymous / 09/27/2012 at 11:31am / Canada (Alberta) / Animals

Today, I went to my gynecologist's for a check-up. After the doctor checked me I went to the bathroom. It turns out the walls aren't soundproofed, because I could hear the doctor telling his assistant, "God! How did she ever find a husband?" FML

by N/A / 09/25/2012 at 12:13am / Canada (Alberta) / Health

Today, I was having a race with a little kid. I let him win to make him feel like a champion. After the race, he turned to me and said, "Maybe if you weren't so fat you would have won." FML

by tiredeolfatty / 09/20/2012 at 10:40pm / Canada (Alberta) / Kids