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FMLs submitted from Alberta

Today, my girlfriend surprised me with what was allegedly a birthday "cake". It was so horribly deformed, I wasn't sure whether to eat it or wear it as a hat. I had to pretend it didn't taste like play-doh, and ended up throwing it up in the toilet. Happy birthday to me. FML

#21408360
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25936) - you deserved it (3886)

On 05/11/2015 at 12:06pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my 6-year-old daughter barged into the bathroom while I was peeing, inspected the toilet and said, "You're well hydrated, good job." FML

#21405462
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28458) - you deserved it (3357)

On 05/06/2015 at 1:22am - kids - by seethroughpee - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my grandma told me point-blank that she despises gays, but that she'll go to my wedding for the booze and nothing more. FML

#21396211
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31340) - you deserved it (4315)

On 04/19/2015 at 12:34pm - love - by leonuniz (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I woke up to my boyfriend repeatedly whispering in my ear, "You want to give me a blowjob". Yes, he actually thought it would work. FML

#21389410
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28175) - you deserved it (3381)

On 04/07/2015 at 5:00pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I came back from a week-long vacation where I had no internet whatsoever. I turned on my phone to get notifications, hoping to see a message or two that I'd missed while gone. There was 1 notification, telling me how many FMLs were posted while I was away. FML

#21388075
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29347) - you deserved it (2762)

On 04/05/2015 at 2:03pm - misc - by supercharged - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I found out that my friend's family has been using red paper to help his little brother with his potty training. "Aim for the red!" they would say to him. I guess today was a bad day to wear red pants. FML

#21381127
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27700) - you deserved it (2388)

On 03/25/2015 at 2:26am - kids - by ILoveLamps (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, while working at McDonald's, a guy asked me to deep fry his salad. FML

#21376328
105 comments

Today, my boss chewed me out for leaving a work function early. I explained it was to avoid a former co-worker I constantly fought with. The boss revealed he purposely invited that former co-worker, hoping our fight would provide entertainment. FML

#21376314
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31967) - you deserved it (2541)

On 03/17/2015 at 10:54am - work - by Anonymous - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I fell in the shower and knocked myself out. When I came to I turned off the water and called my mom. She seemed more worried about the amount of water I "wasted" than she was about me. FML

#21374975
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (101) - you deserved it (2349)

On 03/15/2015 at 11:01am - health - by lordtimbit - Canada (Alberta)

Today, the phone rang while I was on the toilet. I asked my 3-year-old daughter to answer it, only for her to loudly say, "Mommy's on the toilet pooping." FML

#21372435
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26472) - you deserved it (7816)

On 03/11/2015 at 9:55am - kids - by birdisnottheword (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I got a new job and told everyone about it. A few hours later, I got an email from the executive saying I actually don't have the job anymore. FML

#21366823
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26498) - you deserved it (2338)

On 03/02/2015 at 8:42pm - work - by dontplaywithmyfeelings - Canada (Alberta)

Today, the guy I've been seeing for a few months told me he couldn't stay overnight because his mom would yell at him for not coming home. We're both 30 and I didn't know he still lived at home. FML

#21350278
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30998) - you deserved it (3593)

On 02/05/2015 at 11:42am - love - by thenewgirl29 - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my boyfriend uploaded a pic to snapchat that said "the love of my life." It was a pic of our beautiful baby girl. Then he uploaded another pic that said "the 2nd love of my life." It was a pic of the fuel truck he drives for work. FML

#21342658
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29163) - you deserved it (3755)

On 01/23/2015 at 1:33am - love - by Anonymous - Canada (Alberta)



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