FMLs submitted from Alaska

Today, an elderly woman was crossing the street and dropped her bag of groceries. I got out of my car to assist her, but she beat me repeatedly, yelling that I was "enforcing a stereotype". Sorry for trying to help. FML

by I_AM_READING / 10/14/2014 at 3:15am / United States (Alaska) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got married. It was a beautiful ceremony with all of our family and friends. Too bad it ended with us leaving the reception before dancing even started, since my groom couldn't stop bawling his eyes out from all the stress. FML

by mdwillow / 10/12/2014 at 3:46am / United States (Alaska) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I confronted my girlfriend over how she and a male friend have been going out together, drinking and partying, and at one point holding hands in the street. She angrily accused ME of cheating, because "confronting people like that" is apparently something only cheaters themselves do. FML

by Anonymous / 06/13/2014 at 3:13pm / United States (Alaska) / Love

Today, my brain decided to go into suicide mode. So far I've managed to open a fridge door into my face, walk balls-first into the corner of a table, and sliced my finger while trying to cut open some thick plastic packaging with scissors. I'll probably be dead by the time this is posted. FML

by FMyBrain / 06/06/2014 at 5:26pm / United States (Alaska) / Health

Today, while on the highway, a guy in a truck sped up to pass me. He was hauling a trailer, which hit me and ran me off the road. I called the cops and followed him all the way into town, where the cops pulled him over. They let him go without even a ticket, because, "He didn't know he hit you." FML

by Off_Road / 06/04/2014 at 3:30pm / United States (Alaska) / Transportation

Today, my wife's cat ran away. After spending a lot of money making "Lost Cat" flyers and driving around for hours passing them out and searching for her cat, he walked downstairs. FML

by PsychoBillyGoat / 05/25/2014 at 8:47pm / United States (Alaska) / Animals

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my coworkers decided to throw me a surprise baby shower. I'm not pregnant. FML

by fat girl / 04/29/2014 at 6:58pm / United States (Alaska) / Work

Today, I told my mom that my boyfriend had broken up with me. She was more upset about it than I was. She actually almost cried. FML

by Chilly / 03/03/2014 at 2:13am / United States (Alaska) / Love

Today, I texted my boyfriend of two years and asked if he wanted to go to ball with me. His response was "The person you are trying to message cancelled their phone service and moved to Mexico. Taco taco burrito." I'll take that as a no. FML

by rollergirl13 / 01/11/2014 at 12:55am / United States (Alaska) / Love

Today, I tried proving to my best friend that I wasn't a lesbian by telling her I once liked her brother. She was mad because I never told her and now she's calling him. FML

by Anonymous / 01/02/2014 at 4:50am / United States (Alaska) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went on a 70-mile drive to the next town over to finally meet this beautiful girl I had talked to online. To my surprise, she looked exactly how she did in her pictures, minus the ring on her finger and the fiancé who wanted to punch me in the face. FML

by William Johnson / 12/26/2013 at 6:57pm / United States (Alaska) / Love

Today, my dad met my boyfriend for the first time. He soon "casually" took a huge knife from the kitchen drawer and told my boyfriend that he's always wondered what it'd be like to stab someone. FML

by quit fucking up my life / 11/22/2013 at 8:08pm / United States (Alaska) / Love

Today, my mom made fun of me because I'm 16 and have never had a boyfriend, then bragged that at my age she was already pregnant with me. FML

by roundtherose / 10/12/2013 at 9:59pm / United States (Alaska) / Miscellaneous