FMLs submitted from Alaska

Today, after struggling with breastfeeding and trying to build up my milk supply, I was finally able to pump a full 6 oz! I celebrated by immediately spilling it all over my lap. FML

by don't cry over spilled milk / 11/23/2016 at 9:33am / United States (Alaska) / Kids

Today, I was the only sober person at a bonfire. After being hit in the eye with a snowball, taking people's keys away because they were too wasted to drive, making sure no one died and stabbing the bottom of my foot with a nail, I got to sleep in the snow. Without any blankets. FML

by Alaska fire / 11/19/2016 at 5:14pm / United States (Alaska) / Miscellaneous

Today, my country elected a man who thinks global warming is a hoax. FML

by mycountryisdumb / 11/09/2016 at 1:54am / United States (Alaska) / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me for being "too clingy". I haven't seen her in over 3 weeks and texted her first once. Guess that's still too much for her. FML

by I wasn't being clingy geez / 10/23/2016 at 1:18pm / United States (Alaska) / Love

Today, I was woken up by my dad screaming that the ship was sinking. I started freaking out before I realized that I was sleeping on my couch at home and was not in fact on a ship. FML

by Anonymous / 08/16/2016 at 4:26am / United States (Alaska) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got fired from my first job because of the herpes on my lip. It was actually a 2nd degree burn from soup that splashed on to my lips when I was serving it but my manager doesn't believe me. FML

by mog907 / 07/25/2016 at 2:31pm / United States (Alaska) / Work

Today, I let my brother babysit my 6-year-old daughter. She learned 2 new words from him. One of them was "Hail" and the other one was "Satan". FML

by thedancingtit / 06/07/2016 at 1:11am / United States (Alaska) / Kids

Today, I dropped my father-in-law's friend off at the airport, and I got in trouble because he ended up missing his flight. He only missed it because he forgot to check in. FML

by rykelmb / 05/27/2016 at 7:40pm / United States (Alaska) / Miscellaneous

Today, I hit it off with a girl at a club and I brought her back to my place. I was sure I was finally going to score, until my useless cat attacked her as we walked upstairs. She fell down the stairs and dislocated her ankle. Just my luck. FML

by Anonymous / 11/07/2015 at 2:12am / United States (Alaska) / Intimacy

Today, four days after moving into my new house, I woke up to a guy yelling "Fuck you, Claire" followed by a brick smashing through my living room window. Now I know why Claire was so eager to finalize the sale. FML

by Anonymous / 10/16/2015 at 1:12pm / United States (Alaska) / Miscellaneous

Today, I told my boss I need a scrub brush to properly clean the stairs at my workplace. She gave me an old toothbrush. FML

by Anonymous / 09/08/2015 at 2:46pm / United States (Alaska) / Work

Today, I met my wife's mistress, at the maternity ward in the hospital, after she gave birth to our second child. FML

by Anonymous / 08/03/2015 at 9:28pm / United States (Alaska) / Love

Today, while in the waiting room at the dentist's office, I looked up at the news on the TV to see my husband's mugshot. FML

by wtf did he do / 07/19/2015 at 5:02am / United States (Alaska) / Miscellaneous