FMLs submitted from Alabama

Today, while standing in line at the grocery store, the elderly lady in front of me had forgotten to pay for her milk. In the spirit of the season, I paid for it and wished her happy holidays. She snatched the milk and gave me an ugly look. Then huffed at me before stomping off. FML

by sumerflame07 / 12/01/2010 at 3:18pm / United States (Alabama) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend, when I lifted myself up a little bit. What I was not prepared for was my boyfriend leaning down to kiss my neck. We collided heads, hard. FML

by Anonymous / 11/07/2010 at 5:00pm / United States (Alabama) / Intimacy

Today, my girlfriend was going down on me. She only did it for 30 seconds, stopped, then said, "I'm not in the mood anymore." FML

by Taylor parsons / 10/29/2010 at 12:48am / United States (Alabama) / Intimacy

Today, finishing up in the shower room, I walked into the kitchen to get a drink. Apparently both bathrooms were occupied and my grandmother really had to go... She was bent over in the kitchen peeing into a cup. I may never be able to erase this image. FML

by Anonymous / 10/18/2010 at 7:48am / United States (Alabama) / Miscellaneous

Today, I started making love to my wife as soon as the kids were occupied. She just laid there the whole time and never responded, except for a few times to say "Ouch." FML

by ahddib / 10/13/2010 at 10:13pm / United States (Alabama) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend brought me home flowers and candy for the first time in our 1 year relationship. Thinking he was going to finally propose, I got excited. I asked why he was being so sweet, and he responded with, "I thought you'd take the breakup better this way." FML

by lovelesslonely / 10/12/2010 at 1:48pm / United States (Alabama) / Love

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. I finished too quickly and apologized. She said she was used to it by now. FML

by youaresodumb / 09/27/2010 at 12:19am / United States (Alabama) / Intimacy

Today, for the first time, I decided to just be myself at work. My boss thought I was drunk. FML

by Drunk / 09/13/2010 at 7:40pm / United States (Alabama) / Work

Today, I woke up to the sound of my roommate's alarm clock going off at 6:00 in the morning. His bedroom door was locked, and he was passed out in his bed from drinking too much. It rang continuously for five and a half hours before it finally ran out of batteries. FML

by Anonymous / 09/06/2010 at 2:01pm / United States (Alabama) / Miscellaneous

Today, I have discovered things not to do while drunk. Like shaving my legs. FML

by WIno / 08/31/2010 at 10:46pm / United States (Alabama) / Health

Today, I dropped my phone in water, and my friends told me to put it in rice to draw out the water. They put my phone in riceroni. My phone now smells like chicken and has rice seasoning stuck all over it. Needless to say it still doesn't work. FML

by rosesareyellow / 07/30/2010 at 12:40am / United States (Alabama) / Geek

Today, I didn't realize until I was home that I'd thrown my retainer away with my tray at Chick-fil-A. FML

by idgit42 / 07/27/2010 at 6:15pm / United States (Alabama) / Money

Today, while running late to my sister's wedding and rushing to get ready, I accidentally grabbed my travel size shaving cream can in place of my body spray, and quickly drew a blue foaming line across my rental tux. FML

by Anonymous / 05/28/2010 at 2:07pm / United States (Alabama) / Miscellaneous