FMLs submitted from Alabama

Today, it's my sixth day taking care of my family's seven animals while my parents are in Singapore. So far, I've emergency-called the vet twice, taken a dog to the vet once, and cleaned up liquid dog shit five times. FML

by KennyDidIt / 12/09/2012 at 8:18am / United States (Alabama) / Animals

Today, my cat went into labor. This is surprising since 6 years ago, we paid to have her spayed. FML

by Anonymous / 11/22/2012 at 8:34pm / United States (Alabama) / Animals

Today, I dressed up like a pirate, dressed my dog as a parrot and bought $30 worth of candy to pass out to trick-or-treaters. I waited by the door for 3 hours. Not one kid came. FML

by hallofail / 10/31/2012 at 8:40pm / United States (Alabama) / Miscellaneous

Today, I realized the only reason why my boyfriend spends the night with me is because my house is closer to his job than his, and so he saves money on gas. FML

by habsgurl0622 / 10/08/2012 at 2:57pm / United States (Alabama) / Love

Today, although I can't dance, I decided to go to a club. A really cute girl asked me to dance, and I politely declined. She kept insisting, so I finally said okay. A few minutes in, she stopped, looked at me, and said, "If you're going to make fun of my dancing, I'm leaving." FML

by IcantDance! / 10/01/2012 at 12:05pm / United States (Alabama) / Love

Today, I went to Waffle House to talk to the manager about getting a job. My boyfriend now wants to beat up the manager for giving me his number so that I can call him whenever I'm done filling in the application. FML

by Anonymous / 09/23/2012 at 8:26pm / United States (Alabama) / Work

Today, my boyfriend thought it appropriate to let me know that doing the "duck face" in my Facebook pictures "highlights my mustache." FML

by mustachio101 / 07/17/2012 at 7:30pm / United States (Alabama) / Love

Today, my brother was playing with the pepper spray on my key chain. He didn't think it was real, so to test it he sprayed me in the mouth while I was asleep. FML

by rkbkate / 07/11/2012 at 1:04am / United States (Alabama) / Kids

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, it was my wedding day. The best part was when we were taking photos and I threw up on my dress. At least the pictures were outside. FML

by whatevershit / 05/13/2012 at 2:28am / United States (Alabama) / Health

Today, I showed off my new tattoo to my friends. Too bad it says "Walk Earless" now instead of "Walk Fearless." That's right, I'm now supporting Van Gogh. FML

by inked / 02/05/2012 at 12:54am / United States (Alabama) / Miscellaneous

Today, my school's 6'2, 270-pound, 375-pound bench-pressing football superstar knocked me unconscious in one hit. With a dodgeball. FML

by Shameful / 01/18/2012 at 2:57pm / United States (Alabama) / Health

Today, my future mother-in-law started shit-talking me on Facebook, and we got into a heated argument. She called me later in the day, saying I'll be lucky if I ever marry her son and that, "You'll suffer to your last breath." I'm now terrified to set foot outside. FML

by Anonymous / 01/14/2012 at 1:26pm / United States (Alabama) / Love

Today, I made a fake Facebook account for a girl, and then set my relationship status to make it look like the fake person was my girlfriend. Someone found out and hacked the fake account. My fake girlfriend just dumped me over Facebook. FML

by Anonymous / 12/18/2011 at 8:24pm / United States (Alabama) / Love