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FMLs submitted from Alabama

Today, I went to a strip club with friends. After accepting a dance offer from a cute girl, we went to the back room where she sat in my lap and told how I creeped her out because I looked like her ex-boyfriend. She talked the whole time. I paid $22 to get in the friend zone with a stripper. FML

#13618340
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16645) - you deserved it (19920)

On 10/27/2010 at 8:07pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Alabama)

Today, finishing up in the shower room, I walked into the kitchen to get a drink. Apparently both bathrooms were occupied and my grandmother really had to go... She was bent over in the kitchen peeing into a cup. I may never be able to erase this image. FML

#13496541
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24386) - you deserved it (2146)

On 10/18/2010 at 7:48am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Alabama)

Today, I started making love to my wife as soon as the kids were occupied. She just laid there the whole time and never responded, except for a few times to say "Ouch." FML

#13439564
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26999) - you deserved it (8881)

On 10/13/2010 at 10:13pm - intimacy - by ahddib - United States (Alabama)

Today, my boyfriend brought me home flowers and candy for the first time in our 1 year relationship. Thinking he was going to finally propose, I got excited. I asked why he was being so sweet, and he responded with, "I thought you'd take the breakup better this way." FML

#13420604
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29647) - you deserved it (5665)

On 10/12/2010 at 1:48pm - misc - by lovelesslonely (woman) - United States (Alabama)

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. I finished too quickly and apologized. She said she was used to it by now. FML

#13217380
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14218) - you deserved it (28316)

On 09/27/2010 at 12:19am - intimacy - by youaresodumb - United States (Alabama)

Today, for the first time, I decided to just be myself at work. My boss thought I was drunk. FML

#13038622
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20671) - you deserved it (5461)

On 09/13/2010 at 7:40pm - work - by Drunk - United States (Alabama)

Today, I woke up to the sound of my roommate's alarm clock going off at 6:00 in the morning. His bedroom door was locked, and he was passed out in his bed from drinking too much. It rang continuously for five and a half hours before it finally ran out of batteries. FML

#12934228
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24347) - you deserved it (2493)

On 09/06/2010 at 2:01pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Alabama)

Today, I have discovered things not to do while drunk. Like shaving my legs. FML

#12846178
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5836) - you deserved it (32188)

On 08/31/2010 at 10:46pm - health - by WIno - United States (Alabama)

Today, I dropped my phone in water, and my friends told me to put it in rice to draw out the water. They put my phone in riceroni. My phone now smells like chicken and has rice seasoning stuck all over it. Needless to say it still doesn't work. FML

#12198521
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11865) - you deserved it (27907)

On 07/30/2010 at 12:40am - misc - by rosesareyellow - United States (Alabama)

Today, I didn't realize until I was home that I'd thrown my retainer away with my tray at Chick-fil-A. FML

#12149322
177 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11514) - you deserved it (24272)

On 07/27/2010 at 6:15pm - money - by idgit42 (woman) - United States (Alabama)

Today, while running late to my sister's wedding and rushing to get ready, I accidentally grabbed my travel size shaving cream can in place of my body spray, and quickly drew a blue foaming line across my rental tux. FML

#10821429
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24373) - you deserved it (11624)

On 05/28/2010 at 2:07pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Alabama)

Today, I found out there is such a thing as eyebrow dandruff, and that I have it. FML

#10775711
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25696) - you deserved it (4979)

On 05/26/2010 at 11:54am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Alabama)

Today, while at the dog park, I suddenly had to use the bathroom really badly. Since there weren't any facilities nearby, I decided to go behind a tree and relieve myself there. While doing this, two other owners, one that's in my math class, noticed me, regardless of me hiding. She definitely saw everything. School will be fun tomorrow. FML

#9001360
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7349) - you deserved it (20518)

On 03/11/2010 at 5:44pm - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Alabama)



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