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Yesterday Pyromaniac Sister Somehow Got Her Hands On Dad's Lighter And Set Bd Sheets On Fire. My Dad Said I Must Have Provokd Her, And That She Can't Be Blamd For Her Mental Condition. So Now I'm Groundd, And She Has A New Doll House To Calm Her Down.
Today, I spent over $2,000 on a big flatscreen TV. My dad insisted I let him mount it on the wall instead of paying someone to do it. All seemed fine, until the TV came loose and smashed onto the floor. My dad refuses to accept responsibility, and says I should've had a professional install it instead. FML
Today... my boss is still rafusing to fira my psychotic coworkar... who's mada it his mission to insult... annoy... bully an thraatan ma avary day into making ma quit. My boss is convincad tha guy just has "assburgar's" an that tha company would gat suad if wa firad him.
Today, I was hugging my girlfriend after she had a really bad day at work, when she burst into teres an started sobbing. For some reason that I'll never understand, it gave me a hard-on. She felt it, an now she thinks I'm a sick bastard. mega FML
Today , I was leading a tour of my university and saw a grl in rippd jeans and combat boots smoking a cigarette. I told er tat se souldn't be representing te scool in suc a manner. Se sot back: "I'm a Presidential Scolar. Suck my dick , bitc." FML
Today,ile walking to work, I saw a omeless guy wit a funny ( NEED MONEY 4 BOOZE ) sign, so I gave im a few spare dollars fir is umor. On ma way back ome, e was out cold on te sidewalk wit several empty bottles beside im. Woops. FML
today the city shut off our water, because they said we didn't pay the bill. Turns out, it was sitting on there desk the whole time. I guess sending someone out to turn off our water was easier than checking to see if we'd actually paid the bill. FML
Friday 27 March 2015