Miscellaneous: Today, my dad came home drunk at four in the morning. He walked...

By Deadman - 02/04/2012 13:37 - United States

Today, my dad came home drunk at four in the morning. He walked into my room, screaming at me to wake up so he can kill zombies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 908

You deserved it 2 535

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Anger management

By FML - 08/12/2013 18:00 - Puerto Rico - Cayey

Today, my dad came home drunk off his ass. So drunk that he couldn't manage to open the refrigerator, and ended up punching it in a fit of rage. When I tried to calm him down and get him to bed, he told me to fuck off, and grounded me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 687

You deserved it 3 400

By paige - 01/04/2011 03:18 - United States

Today, my dad came home drunk and called me hot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 749

You deserved it 5 792

He's still got it

By Anonymous - 26/10/2019 00:01

Today, my dad got drunk at a party and flashed me and my friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 729

You deserved it 154

Bad guy

By Anonymous - 07/05/2025 00:00

Today, my father got drunk and became crazy. He just kept talking nonsense and swaying while walking. It seemed like he was going to vomit. I hate him being like this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 543

You deserved it 82

By Anonymous - 01/05/2015 20:02 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, a drunk man started yelling at the lamppost outside my house, demanding to be let inside, all while my neighbors watched. That man is my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 380

You deserved it 2 471

By :// - 05/11/2013 21:01 - United States - Romulus

Today, I woke up and went to the bathroom, only to find my dad sitting on the toilet, blind drunk. He screamed "YOU SHALL NOT PASS!" at me. I just wanted to shave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 773

You deserved it 3 758

Asshole

By Anonymous - 21/06/2013 20:38 - Netherlands - Mierlo

Today, my drunk dad decided to wake me up by lobbing our cat directly into my now-mauled face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 152

You deserved it 3 239

By Cecilly2010 - 28/04/2011 15:53

Today, my drunk dad started yelling at my dog for not having a job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 688

You deserved it 5 311

By meeeoow - 22/01/2011 10:05 - Australia

Today, my drunken father decided to walk my quiet street naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 684

You deserved it 2 779

By Sadfaic - 23/01/2012 02:59 - United States

Today, my long lost father came to visit me. He got drunk, then tried to beat me up. My neighbor called the police, and as soon as they got there, my father yelled, "Help! This man tried to stab me!" The sad part is, they believed him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 672

You deserved it 2 154

jonn090 13

Monday 2 April 2012 18:50

Is it me or do I smell a game of COD Nazi zombies?

thejewishfuhrer 17

Monday 2 April 2012 18:50

Don't forget to double tap. Oh and always wear your seatbelt.

Comments

lexie1998 0

Monday 2 April 2012 23:46

I wish my dad was that cool!!

cami197934 3

Tuesday 3 April 2012 1:43

Yur dad is awesome!!

XxblueglazexX 0

Tuesday 3 April 2012 2:48

I'm eleven and I'm scared about the zombie apocalypse ( I'm a girl ) every guy keeps scaring me about it

PawnShopPenguin 4

Tuesday 3 April 2012 7:11

Well maybe you were just a little weary from your sleep and didn't realize that your father was right :o

FmaFangirl 9

Tuesday 3 April 2012 7:16

The Walking Dead. :D

zebruhcakez 0

Tuesday 3 April 2012 7:33

can you blaime him

WALDO_WTF 0

Tuesday 3 April 2012 10:23

Hahaha thats funny I woulda laughed n said "your a zombie" lol just to see if he would start punchin himself lol

streetracerVC 9

Tuesday 3 April 2012 13:03

time to bring out the black ops ;)

dcoy158 9

Tuesday 3 April 2012 15:15

Ya that's a win in my book lol

rockurheart 9

Tuesday 3 April 2012 20:08

I read this at 3am, I woke everyone up laughin my ass off haha that's a really funny dad you got there xD

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The Top

Today, my husband decided he was finally going to quit his job. We literally bought a house last week. His job is/was easy, with pay way above his qualifications. After we'd talked about it FOR THE 50TH TIME, he did the opposite and texted the dept. head that he hates the company and wants to be part time at most. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 079

You deserved it 138

Today, I dropped a box from my dad's attic and blew a hole in my foot. I now have 3 toes missing because dad forgot he once wrestled a gun away from some kid trying to steal his wallet, meant to give it to the police, but kept forgetting, and it wound up in the attic for 11 years until today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 316

You deserved it 137

Today, my husband accused me of having an incestuous relationship with my deceased father, all because we haven’t had sex in months due to my grieving. According to him, no one grieves that hard for someone unless they were in love or fucking them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 664

You deserved it 153

Today, I was at work, when this guy came in and paid for his ice cream, then handed me a dollar. I've never gotten a tip before, so I looked at him and said, "Thank you so much, I appreciate it." He stared at me with a weird look for a moment, and then said, "Can I just get that in quarters?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 140

You deserved it 5 657

Today, the guy I’d been seeing told me he’s asexual and our relationship would never go past holding hands. He called me a 'shallow bitch' after I told him we weren’t a match. Isn’t him asking me to give up sex forever the same as me asking him to have sex? Apparently not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 460

You deserved it 220

Today, I went to a concert with a friend of mine. When his dad came to pick him up, I walked towards the car, expecting a ride. His dad told me he didn't have time to drive me home. I'm his neighbour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 327

You deserved it 4 389