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The all-time greatest FMLs

No nut will do that

By Anonymous - 02/05/2023 00:00

Today, my boyfriend wanted a blowjob, shortly after we've started dating. He said to be careful because he blows a massive load. Thinking he's full of crap, I rolled my eyes and got to work. Had him going and then a massive load shot down my throat and a bunch of fire hoses sprayed out my nose. It burned so bad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 476

You deserved it 1 573

Family business

By Anonymous - 09/08/2023 07:00 - Kenya - Nairobi

Today, I found out on LinkedIn that my dad follows and endorses a successful cousin of ours. I guess I didn't make the cut. FML

I agree, your life sucks 476

You deserved it 135

Let me out!

By Anonymous - 11/01/2025 23:00 - United Kingdom

Today, a bus broke down in front of my house and the rescue vehicle simply couldn’t manoeuvre into position to safely tow it away. For the bus to move, they’re going to need to repair it where it is. I can’t get my car out of my driveway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 476

You deserved it 67

One in hole

By Anonymous - 17/10/2025 03:00

Today, I had to sneak a ladder into a cemetery at midnight because my husband got drunk with his buddies, decided to visit his mother's grave, and in the dark he fell into a fresh grave and couldn’t climb out. Not many women can say they’ve seen their husbands climb out of the grave I suppose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 476

You deserved it 116

Happy birthday, huh?

By Anonymous - 19/01/2026 22:00

Today, I told my family that for my birthday I didn’t want to do any chores and just wanted the house cleaned. What they heard was mom won’t do chores today so let’s leave them all for her tomorrow. I didn’t even have a clean mug for coffee this morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 476

You deserved it 87

You can't handle the truth!

By Anonymous - 16/11/2022 04:00

Today, I went into my dad’s phone out of suspicion and read his texts. Instant regret. He’s 65, goes to various prostitutes, mum’s oblivious, they’re happy and take care of each other. This one’s a weird one to suppress or learn to let go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 476

You deserved it 1 559

By Shiva - 18/03/2014 08:46 - France - Niort

Today, I decided to clean my apartment from top to bottom. Once I was done, I looked over at my puppy, who then woke up, stretched, got out of his basket and started to pee. I shouted, "No!" Scared, he then ran all over the place, still peeing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 476

You deserved it 96

Big man

By Giant - 29/03/2024 08:00 - United States

Today, while doing chemistry, I was repeatedly reprimanded by the teacher for holding the test tubes higher than my partner's head. I'm 6'2, and the person I was assigned to work with is about 5'1. You can't switch partners unless your partner is absent or gets pulled from the lab for being a dangerous idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 476

You deserved it 151

A day in the life

By Anonymous - 19/01/2023 18:00

Today, I kicked my coffee table while barefoot, got an X-ray, and I’d cracked the bone. Got home, kicked the exact same table with the exact same toe, got another X-ray, the crack is now a full-on break. What a day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 476

You deserved it 972

Festive spirit ruined

By MF. - 19/12/2024 03:00 - North Macedonia

Today, I won't be getting any Christmas presents because the Secret Santa activity I take part in was canceled. Why? Some jerks messaged racial slurs to the organizers, who decided volunteering to do something fun for people wasn't worth the abuse. Thanks, idiots (and my apologies to the organizers). FML

I agree, your life sucks 476

You deserved it 111

Meaningful

By Just a guy - 21/03/2024 14:00 - Netherlands - Delfzijl

Today, I learned that the word "cancer" is so misused on social media platforms as a swear word, it's difficult to place a comment explaining that I have cancer without getting an automated response like, "Comment under moderation" or "Comment under review." FML

I agree, your life sucks 476

You deserved it 104

Backstabber

By Anonymous - 26/10/2025 00:00

Today, I found out that my husband asked out another woman on a date five days before our 11th anniversary. FML

I agree, your life sucks 476

You deserved it 84

Love Island is back, baby

By Anonymous - 06/06/2024 15:00 - United States

Today, I introduced the girl I was talking to my best friend, and we all hung out. Until this day, her and I were doing great. After my friend left, she started gushing about how hot he is. He wasn't hitting on her at all. I reminded her that, and that he has a girlfriend. She was calm, but visibly upset. FML

I agree, your life sucks 476

You deserved it 103

Just another cog

By Really?!? - 25/10/2024 18:00 - United States - Cleveland

Today, the director of the library was introducing me to the new HR person. She told the HR person that I'd been working here for 5 years. Actually, I've been working here for 19 years, and had been working here for 3 years before she got hired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 476

You deserved it 65

Impressive dating strategy

By Anonymous - 17/08/2022 22:00

Today, my date took me to some sort of comic book/computer convention. I think he was trying to impress me with his online reputation, but it didn’t come across as tech suave, it was more nerd pathetic, the kind that makes vaginas go dry faster than a sand enema. I went home alone, bored. FML

I agree, your life sucks 476

You deserved it 1 221

Manipulation

By Stephen - 11/08/2024 23:00 - United States - Fort Rucker

Today, I realized that I got set up by my narcissistic ex-fiancée. She'd planned to get pregnant by me, did, then halfway way through the pregnancy put a restraining order on me, and went MIA. Now I don't know anything about my child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 476

You deserved it 149

A fool and his money are soon parted

By blondie - 20/02/2022 12:00

Today, I was scammed by con artists, using a business to send out fraudulent checks for a fake "stay at home" job. Now not only do I have to try job hunting again, I'm also $2,000 in the hole with my bank account. You scam artist losers need to get off your ass and get a real job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 475

You deserved it 1 033

Sponges

By ToxicFamily - 10/12/2024 03:00 - Germany

Today, my brother and sister-in-law come over ONLY to use up the resources at our house - like food, TV subscriptions, and other items. They claim to love my kids and come over for them. If only they would look up from their phone and spend actual time with the kids. Is there a way to block toxic relatives? FML

I agree, your life sucks 475

You deserved it 125

Fixer upper

By failure - 29/10/2025 15:00

Today, my successful, attractive daughter gave me the "Daddy I can fix him" speech about her boyfriend. He brings in no money, exclusively wears old ratty T-shirts and sweats, and always stinks of BO and cheap beer. I have failed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 475

You deserved it 92

Cheap ass

By Anonymous - 11/06/2024 17:00 - United States

Today, on our drive down to California to work on a contract worth 20k with my husband (we own our business and work together), he refused to spend $50 on RV parking, so we didn't get to sleep all night, all because it was hot and the rest-stop was scary. We have two young kids and a dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 475

You deserved it 116

The biohazard next door

By seriously - 25/10/2024 09:00 - United States - San Diego

Today, no matter how many times I've asked, my dumbass neighbor can't get into the habit of regularly picking up after her six dogs. Her backyard is covered in shit with probably just inches between each pile or log. This means the wind blows the smell of shit in the direction of my house. I can't open a window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 475

You deserved it 78

Boys will be boys

By Anonymous - 20/12/2021 04:59

Today, my boys get in so much trouble, I don’t even bother checking on them anymore. Instead, every ten minutes, I yell up the stairs to stop whatever they’re doing, and every time without fail they guiltily apologise and try to blame each other/promise to fix it/swear not to do it again. EVERY TIME. FML

I agree, your life sucks 475

You deserved it 973

Secret life

By Anonymous - 20/02/2026 22:00

Today, I found out my ex has been using AI to fake a whole relationship with me. He’s been sending pics to his family abroad about our supposed lives together, including a wedding, vacations, and even children. I only found out after one of his cousins messaged me wanting to visit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 475

You deserved it 59

Slow down

By any future girls must take an IQ test - 22/02/2026 20:00

Today, my brain-dead now-ex-fiancee "read on the internet" that cops can't give you a ticket at home, so when a cop tried to pull her for speeding on the way home from work, she sped up and rushed home. What would have been a $200 fine is now serious charges and jail time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 475

You deserved it 76

Unreliable

By Anonymous - 21/04/2024 11:00 - United Kingdom

Today, despite getting to the bus stop early, the first bus didn’t turn up. The second one was late, and severe traffic caused me to be late for work. I can’t afford for my wages to be docked from this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 475

You deserved it 125

Miss you

By Anonymous - 17/09/2024 20:00 - United States

Today, I saw a text from my mom asking, “Are you still with that girl from last year? I miss her.” She was talking about my ex. The girl I’m dating now saw the message before I did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 475

You deserved it 97

Bad timing

By Anonymous - 09/12/2024 08:00 - New Zealand - Wellington

Today, I found out that at my work they are cutting one and a half of our departments, and I might need to find a new job. The problem is it's going to be really hard to get new job, as nowhere will want to hire someone who needs surgery. FML

I agree, your life sucks 475

You deserved it 86

Crap

By Anonymous - 30/04/2025 09:00 - United States

Today, I hurt my back at work due to faulty, outdated, and just crap equipment. Workers’ comp offered me two Tylenols and a pamphlet about "mindfulness over medical bills." FML

I agree, your life sucks 475

You deserved it 64

Spooked

By Marina - 20/09/2024 06:00 - Australia

Today, I was FaceTiming with my mum when she interrupted me to ask who 'the man behind me' was. I live alone, so I had a bit of a jump scare moment. She was so proud of her 'hilarious' prank, her laugh still haunts me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 475

You deserved it 100

Tough luck

By Anonymous - 23/10/2025 12:00

Today, as if it wasn’t bad enough my dumbass daughter would seduce and hookup with my boyfriends throughout her teenage years, she’s now ruined her own marriage by sleeping with married men, and wants to move back in with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 475

You deserved it 195

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The Top

Today, I got a gift from my wife. It was a beautiful watch. The same exact watch I'd sold to our local jewelers for 6k. She bought it for 10k. When I told her, she said, "Hmmm, I thought it looked familiar." There goes 4K from our joint account. I could’ve thought of 4000 ways to spend that money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 942

You deserved it 690

Today, I thought I'd make my own coffee at home to save money. As I was grinding the beans, my flatmate's pet parrot decided to join the party and imitate the noise of the coffee grinder. For an hour. I ended up with a headache, a half-finished cup of coffee, and a parrot that now thinks it's a barista. FML

I agree, your life sucks 477

You deserved it 171

Today, I was talking to my grandma and I mentioned the fact that tomatoes are technically fruit. It's been an hour and she's still yelling, accusing me of lying to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 847

You deserved it 4 619

Today, I literally had to say the words, “Please stop twerking” to my niece. She’s seven. FML

I agree, your life sucks 314

You deserved it 68

Today, I decided to pull a prank on my girlfriend by hiding in the closet and scaring her when she came home. I got in and closed the closet doors, only to realize I couldn't open them from the inside. She just texted me to say she covered for a friend and won't be home for 6 more hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 301

You deserved it 5 477

Today, whilst on a date I recieved my sixth missed call from my mother. I excused myself and went outside and called her, she and my father wanted to know why I was having dinner and holding hands with another man. It turns out they were also on a date. At the same place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 370

You deserved it 12 083