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Today, and for the last week, I've resorted to driving myself to the nearest corner store to take my daily dump. I'm doing this because I recently moved in with my boyfriend, and I'm afraid he'll be disgusted at how often I clog the toilet. FML

#19822934
237 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9993) - you deserved it (22701)

On 06/21/2012 at 6:02am - health - by TheDumper (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, my husband thought it would be funny to scare me by maniacally zooming in and out of traffic while we were on his motorcycle. His mood turned to anger when I nervously admitted to having voided my bowels. FML

#19350917
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17636) - you deserved it (2693)

On 03/26/2012 at 12:15pm - misc - by Shantwozzlah (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I had a double wedding with my sister. My mother, being as encouraging as she always is, told us that statistics say one of our marriages will end in divorce. She then explained she thinks it'll be mine because I'm 'a self-absorbed bitch'. FML

#4780151
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37264) - you deserved it (8030)

On 08/24/2009 at 7:33am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Romania (Constanta)

Today, I attended the reading of my grandfather's will. I didn't expect to receive anything, since his side of the family had always ostracized me for being born out of wedlock. I did get something: $3,500, on the binding condition that I use a portion of it to get a vasectomy. FML

#20543737
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33413) - you deserved it (2443)

On 03/14/2013 at 6:04pm - misc - by grandson of a p.o.s. (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend getting it on with the neighbour's daughter. As soon as he saw me, he started singing 'It Wasn't Me' by Shaggy, completely naked, still sitting with the girl. FML

#4933603
244 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51910) - you deserved it (4130)

On 08/30/2009 at 5:26pm - love - by shaggy (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I had to fire an employee because she constantly calls in, or is late to work. She became very emotional and I felt kind of bad, so I walked her out myself. We then got stuck in the company elevator. FML

#17750469
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20746) - you deserved it (2521)

On 09/15/2011 at 9:47am - work - by thatsmejl (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, a parent came into my class and told one of my 6 year old students that their grandma died. Then the parent left. The kid started crying from the news, which then got all the other students crying. I spent the rest of the day comforting a class of kids crying over someone else's grandma. FML

#1902044
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47339) - you deserved it (3061)

On 05/13/2009 at 1:46pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Yukon Territory)

Today, I went to sit on the ground next to my crush at our college's free concert. Just as I took the final step toward him, somone ran into me causing me to trip and kick him in the crotch. He had to go to the emergency room. FML

Today, I saw a shady looking person on the street. As I walked past him, he said, "Hey, come here." Thinking he needed something, I went over. He handed me several pictures of my wife, in public and at home. I've never seen this man before in my life. FML

#20089025
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24711) - you deserved it (1319)

On 09/26/2012 at 12:07am - misc - by ahappypenguin -

Today, I told my boss that I quit, and handed in my two week's notice. A couple of hours later, I found my letter of resignation had been photocopied and copies hung all around the office with "Best day ever" written on the bottom. FML

#20176308
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19519) - you deserved it (4451)

On 11/24/2012 at 6:54am - work - by sad face - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my dad was teaching me how to drive. He told me that stop signs with white outlines are "optional." I ran through the next one I saw and got pulled over by a cop. My dad is making me pay the ticket for being "that stupid." Thanks dad. FML

#20129645
191 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9611) - you deserved it (32709)

On 10/23/2012 at 9:19am - money - by Dinger1992 - United States

Today, my cat played dead just so I would leave him alone. FML

#20126149
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16545) - you deserved it (4998)

On 10/21/2012 at 1:59am - animals - by Anonymous - United States

Today, the people living below me have been blasting their music so loudly that I can hear every word as clear as day. The people next door think it's my music and feel the need to bang on the wall and blast their music just as loudly in revenge. I have two very important exams tomorrow. FML

#20515010
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31916) - you deserved it (2776)

On 02/20/2013 at 3:40pm - misc - by Ughh! - France

Today, I was having an argument with my girlfriend in front of our friends. I didn't want her to spoil my good time, so I ignored her until she disappeared. She re-appeared thirty minutes later just to throw a punch that would make Muhammad Ali jealous. Our friends' reaction? They clapped. FML

#19884925
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6976) - you deserved it (36940)

On 07/03/2012 at 7:51am - misc - by ali (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was putting a wristband on a little boy's wrist so he could swim in the waterpark. Just before I finished, he coughed all over my hands and arms. I finished and looked up at the boy just in time for us to make eye contact and for him to cough directly into my face. FML

#1471
14 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15025) - you deserved it (1631)

On 01/17/2009 at 3:57pm - kids - by kallens - United States (Minnesota)

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