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Only FMLs I didn't vote on | All the FMLs

Today, I asked my ex-boyfriend how things were going since our breakup. We broke up because he admitted he was questioning his sexuality, and wanted to play for the other team. He took the conversation as an opportunity to talk about his new, amazing girlfriend. FML

#14867173
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34893) - you deserved it (4564)

On 02/06/2011 at 1:26pm - love - by poop (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I felt frisky, so I went over to my boyfriend's place, hoping to have some fun. I brought over a movie, and part-way through it, I started feeling him up. He responded by sighing, "That's really fucking annoying, babe. Cut it out, yeah?" FML

#20565796
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40871) - you deserved it (8968)

On 03/29/2013 at 5:36pm - love - by sarajj (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I got a call about my dog who went missing a week ago. The guy who called said "We have your dog, but you aren't getting her back." Then he hung up. FML

#14294990
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41653) - you deserved it (2763)

On 12/22/2010 at 4:50am - animals - by ks.swan13 -

Today, I was doing the laundry, but couldn't tell if one basket contained dirty clothes or clean clothes. I put my head down into the basket and took a whiff to check, and smelled something strong. I looked down and noticed I had shoved my nose into my mother's dirty panties and inhaled deeply. FML

#2771794
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22255) - you deserved it (59187)

On 06/10/2009 at 1:37pm - misc - by potpurri_needed (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I had a dentist appointment. While waiting, I pulled out my Cosmo magazine to entertain myself. The woman sitting across from me points and tells me I'm reading "Satan's Manual." I told her I don't believe in Satan. She said, "You'll know he's real when you become his bitch!" FML

#2442070
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54828) - you deserved it (8101)

On 05/30/2009 at 7:22pm - misc - by satanlovesme (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I walked into the kitchen at 5 am, to have my 7 and 9 year olds throw a bucket of water on me. To their surprise and horror, I didn't melt. FML

#20116347
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26217) - you deserved it (3433)

On 10/14/2012 at 10:57am - kids - by Nickki - United States

Today, at the nail salon, a Korean woman was making fun of me. I kindly told her, in Korean, that I understood. She kindly told me, in English, that she didn't care. FML

#18150713
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45636) - you deserved it (4092)

On 11/03/2011 at 8:16pm - work - by EunJung - United States

Today, I overheard my mom telling my younger sister not to use my razors because she "doesn't know what I may have." FML

#18604441
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28233) - you deserved it (4761)

On 12/25/2011 at 2:28am - health - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, I had to call a few different women and explain to them that my little brother had catfished them. I had to do it because he is mute and my parents were too busy screaming at him. FML

#21335978
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28285) - you deserved it (2146)

On 01/12/2015 at 8:11pm - misc - by PO'd big bro - United States (Georgia)

Today, I found an old jock strap in my tuba. FML

#18244771
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26766) - you deserved it (4137)

On 11/14/2011 at 8:23am - misc - by jocksblow - United States

Today, I spent the day studying with one of my classmates whom I've just met. While studying, she kept bragging about her boyfriend and decided to show me a picture of him. It was my boyfriend. FML

#7372755
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44045) - you deserved it (2560)

On 01/16/2010 at 2:17am - misc - by shockedgirl (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I realized I wasn't getting notifications for my voicemail, so I decided to check it and found out that I had 3 job offerings that are no longer an option. FML

#21521192
30 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21031) - you deserved it (3418)

On 01/30/2016 at 4:05pm - work - by thanks iphone - United States (Kentucky)

Today, my two best friends decided to boycott Valentine's Day, ditching their boyfriends to hang out together. Not only am I single, but I wasn't invited. FML

#43145
18 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39034) - you deserved it (2449)

On 02/14/2009 at 6:14pm - misc - by Noname - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I tried to tackle my fear of heights by riding a rollercoaster. Once we were near the top, it malfunctioned, causing it to stop, and we all had to get out and climb back down. My girlfriend laughed at me for how scared I was. FML

#20931509
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46430) - you deserved it (4714)

On 10/23/2013 at 7:16pm - misc - by monsterdanceman (man) - United States (Arkansas)

Today, I got yelled at by my boss for being insensitive to a customer. I'd told her I never heard of the requested item even existing. She walked off shouting, screaming and throwing stuff from the shelf. She wanted to order a bird feeder with heated perches so the bird's feet won't get cold. FML

#18198042
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32934) - you deserved it (2599)

On 11/08/2011 at 11:06pm - work - by midwesternpetclerk - United States

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