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Only FMLs I didn't vote on | All the FMLs

Today, I was the designated driver for my friend's 21st birthday. On the way home from the bar, he threw up all the pasta and tequila he'd had onto the back seat of my car, and told me it was part of his whole party plan. FML

#13457559
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22417) - you deserved it (3638)

On 10/15/2010 at 10:08am - misc - by IhatebeingtheDD - United States

Today, as I was taking out the trash, I spotted my cute neighbor doing the same. In a rush to get out before he went back inside, I slipped on my iced-over porch. I passed out and woke up with a note on my chest saying, "I unlocked your door but you were too heavy to drag inside". FML

#21027337
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46977) - you deserved it (7329)

On 01/14/2014 at 1:48am - misc - by rholt (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, I'm working for a company that makes over a million dollars a year, yet leaves me with no choice but to pee in a cup because they won't pay to fix the only toilet in the building. FML

#21355373
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28165) - you deserved it (2059)

On 02/13/2015 at 2:05pm - work - by Anonynonynon (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I was working at the checkout of a nearly empty store, so I picked up an empty box, closed my eyes, and slow-danced with it to the 80s love ballad playing on the radio. I don't know what's worse, dancing with a box, or opening my eyes to see ten or so wary customers waiting to be served. FML

#20161561
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7071) - you deserved it (29298)

On 11/13/2012 at 5:23am - work - by foreveralone (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I thought it would be a good idea to sneak out of work early and pay a little visit to the pub. I ended up staggering home, drunkenly making myself a nacho cheese dorito milkshake with the blender, then promptly puked my guts out all over the kitchen table. FML

#19964691
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (4867) - you deserved it (41472)

On 07/20/2012 at 5:38pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - Ireland (Wexford)

Today, I went to my boyfriend's house so that he could break up with me. I went out to my car to leave only to discover that all of the wheels had been stolen. Even the spare. I had to spend the rest of the day with my ex-boyfriend finding a way to get my car home. FML

#7174533
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26224) - you deserved it (2905)

On 01/06/2010 at 12:24am - love - by lug_nut (woman) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, my mom put me in charge of her business's Facebook. Later, I was doing homework and took a Facebook break, changing my status to "So fucking boring." I'd forgotten to log out of the business account. FML

Today, I have a final for my precalculus class. After hours of studying this week, I felt pretty optimistic. Until I got to class and realized that I'd forgotten my calculator. FML

#20172402
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23359) - you deserved it (7074)

On 11/21/2012 at 1:16pm - misc - by anonymous - United States (Arizona)

Today, I confiscated a 1st grader's cell phone. It was better than anything I could come close to affording. FML

#21256659
154 comments

Today, at my all-night senior party, I was talking to the blind girl who I haven't had classes with since 9th grade. I unthinkingly opened the conversation with "Nice to see you again." FML

#21167586
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38117) - you deserved it (8927)

On 06/08/2014 at 10:17pm - misc - by It'd be nice to see you too. - United States (Minnesota)

Today, through sheer luck, I got talking to an actor from the Harry Potter films who I've had a crush on since I was about ten. I tried to play it cool, and pretend I didn't know who he was. Then my phone rang, with the Harry Potter theme tune. FML

#20633236
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24520) - you deserved it (43873)

On 04/30/2013 at 6:23pm - misc - by itsellie27 (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, while in class, a cute boy came up and asked me for my number. I giggled and wrote my phone number on a piece of paper and told him to call me sometime. He gave me a weird look and walked away. He was asking which number math problem I needed help with. FML

#5896023
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11183) - you deserved it (30701)

On 10/19/2009 at 1:43pm - misc - by loser (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I couldn't contain my laughter when a patient told me she'd named her unborn daughter Twinkie. FML

#18728006
404 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32755) - you deserved it (4941)

On 01/06/2012 at 5:49pm - work - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I flew from Chicago to San Francisco to get some of my stuff out of a storage unit. I left the keys for the padlock at home. FML

#2530639
195 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20766) - you deserved it (50426)

On 06/02/2009 at 12:14pm - misc - by Tom (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my dad came to my 8-year-old daughter's birthday party wearing a shirt that said "Small penis, huge dick." FML

#21414312
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27885) - you deserved it (2114)

On 05/23/2015 at 3:03am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

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