The Top

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She works hard for the money…

By Anonymous - 20/02/2025 13:00 - United States

Today, a guy asked me out. I accepted and gave him my rates for a night, as well as my cash apps. He immediately freaked out and said, “I meant on a date, you fucking weirdo.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 93

You deserved it 837

By lonely - 31/07/2019 02:00

Today, not only can I not get a real boyfriend, I can't even get one on the Sims. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 480

You deserved it 318

Casual

By Anonymous - 16/09/2023 23:02 - United Kingdom

Today, my dad casually mentioned my half-sister in conversation. He had her out of wedlock when he was only 13. NEWS TO ME, HE'S NEVER MENTIONED I HAVE A HALF-SISTER BEFORE AND I'M FREAKING 22 YEARS-OLD. Apparently he and mom thought I knew, and just forgot to tell me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 770

You deserved it 101

By Jackal - 20/08/2019 12:00 - United States - Trumbull

Today, I found out the time I'd requested off for a trip in 2 months, that my boss said that I could go on, wasn't fully processed, just in case he decided I couldn't go. He told me the second part after I'd bought no refund tickets for shows for both me and my girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 796

You deserved it 166

Sounds like a plan

By just…no - 29/09/2023 10:00

Today, I asked my son what his goals in life are. He said he doesn’t have any career goals, and the only thing he wants out of life is to play Dungeons and Dragons. I have failed as a parent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 253

You deserved it 743

By forreal - 23/08/2019 02:00

Today, my boyfriend called me in tears because the love of his life has decided to move on with another man. He is currently on his way over to cry on my shoulder about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 937

You deserved it 411

Targeted vagueposting

By Craig - 04/10/2023 16:00

Today, a girl I rejected is making passive-aggressive posts, and posting stories with anti-dating quotes, and “Fuck love” and “All men are dogs”, making me look like an asshole. Am I an asshole just for having free will about who I date? FML

I agree, your life sucks 892

You deserved it 103

Smash the patriarchy

By Anonymous - 05/07/2022 02:00

Today, at the gym, a guy yelled at me to stop lifting more than his son, because I was embarrassing him by being a girl and lifting more. His son must have been 15 and I almost qualified for the Olympics, but sure I’ll hold back to spare the feelings of a misogynistic 15 year-old little bitch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 324

You deserved it 195

UXB alert!

By Uncle Victim - 09/10/2023 22:00

Today, my three idiot nephews dug up a vintage bomb while "digging a hole to China." I told them not to touch it, and went in to call the police. As I did so, they took it to a pawn shop to sell as an antique. The pawn shop called the cops on them, and the cops are now on to me as they're crying, saying selling it was my idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 908

You deserved it 112

By I'mNotIntoThat - 07/10/2017 16:00 - Austria - Baden

Today, I'm sharing a hospital room with an 80-year-old. She's a nice lady, but keeps walking around in her hospital gown with no underwear on. I accidentally glanced in her direction as she was bending over. I saw everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 342

You deserved it 346

Oops, I Did It Again

By Anonymous - 12/09/2019 04:00 - United States - New York

Today, I had to explain to my mom that the bruises I have all over my body are not due to abuse, but because I'm into really rough sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 819

You deserved it 770

Unappreciated

By Viscerion - 26/10/2023 14:30 - Australia - Adelaide CBD

Today, I'm unloved by my partner. She has not made love with me for one and a half years. On our anniversary two years ago, she told me we had nothing to celebrate, that I had achieved nothing in more than a decade we have been together. I lost 25 kgs and got a new job earning around 80K a year. Still nothing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 117

You deserved it 254

What a wuss

By Furbabies - 10/05/2021 06:01 - Canada

Today, a few few friends, along with my long-time crush of mine came over to my house so we could finish a school project. As soon as he stepped into my house, he went pale, turned heel, and refused to step foot in my house. Why? Because the bison taxidermy above my fireplace scares him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 859

You deserved it 466

Experiment with awkwardness

By awkward times two - 21/07/2022 14:00

Today, I got a new trainee at work. She was the experimental one-night stand I’d had several months back and never called again. She kept making remarks about how excited she is to be working under me again and winking. This is gonna be a long couple of weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 611

You deserved it 1 399

0 to 100mph real quick

By Anonymous - 16/07/2022 14:00

Today, I noticed I was starting to get a double chin. I’ve only just gotten to a healthy weight after a serious battle with anorexia. FML

I agree, your life sucks 860

You deserved it 128

CPTSD

By Made to be miserable - 06/08/2022 09:00 - United States

Today, I realized my parents are pretty much single-handedly responsible for all of the mental illnesses and personality disorders I have now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 813

You deserved it 278

Not on a plane

By Surewhatever - 16/10/2019 14:01

Today, when I warned my guests to check the toilet for snakes, I meant it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 481

You deserved it 151

Toxic community

By Anonymous - 07/06/2021 07:59 - United States - Rochester

Today, I donated money to a gaming streamer I like(d) who's been struggling. He later yelled at me and timed me out for "derailing the stream" with "dumb" questions. Then I found out a troll community that follows him doxxed me, and people are dunking on me and calling me "retarded" on social media for donating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 953

You deserved it 423

Joe Smooth

By Anonymous - 09/12/2023 18:00 - Australia - Perth

Today, I thought I was being smooth by using a pickup line on a cute barista. I confidently said, "Are you a magician? Because whenever I look at you, everyone else disappears." She replied, "Actually, I'm a barista, and everyone else is waiting for their coffee. Next!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 125

You deserved it 1 191

Turn that frown upside down

By sdfg - 12/12/2023 05:00 - United States

Today, I was written up at work for not smiling. It’s winter, therefore smiling will cause my lips to crack and bleed. I drink 8 glasses of water a day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 516

You deserved it 163

Like a scene from a bad movie

By BWWsux - 27/08/2022 06:00

Today, I learned to never eat chicken wings, loaded mashed potatoes with sour cream, cheese, bacon, ranch, and bubbly soda prior to a esthetician appointment. I had uncontrollable gas and made the most foul smelling farts in her face while she was trying to wax my butthole. I was asked to leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 263

You deserved it 2 272

Not into it, sorry

By Foreverjerkingit - 11/09/2022 20:00

Today, it was my wedding night. My new wife decided that she was going to be “asexual” because “there are other ways to show your love without sex” and “If you wanna bust a nut, that’s what your hand is for.” She had the nerve to be confused as to why I am upset. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 164

You deserved it 393

You give me fever

By Boredstoner420 - 14/03/2020 21:00

Today, I got way too bored and stoned, so I created a Tinder profile named "Covid" with a picture of the Coronavirus and a funny description. I'd never had so many matches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 248

You deserved it 810

Worst sniper ever

By Anonymous - 23/07/2021 19:59

Today, I had to ban my teenage son from taking his phone into the bathroom, not because he looks at porn, but because he’s so engrossed in the screen, he doesn’t aim while he pees all over the seat and sometimes the floor, without cleaning it up. He’s not incapable, just fucking lazy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 071

You deserved it 195

Rookie mistake

By Lokimagnus - 25/03/2020 23:05

Today, I was working from home. I felt very sleepy, so I set my online status “Active” and went back to bed. I woke up to 3 missed calls from my boss and an email from him, containing a webcam screenshot of me asleep in bed. I totally forgot he has remote access to my computer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 734

You deserved it 3 052

Heavy sleeper

By PolarBear2020 - 27/07/2021 21:58

Today, maintenance was supposed to come in to replace my broken washer. I worked late last night until 4 AM, and then dozed off. I slept so soundly that they managed to enter the apartment, haul away the broken washer, and install the new one, all while I was fast asleep in the next room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 810

You deserved it 228

Am I even here?

By Anonymous - 29/03/2020 05:00

Today, I got written up at work for not cleaning up the breakfast area, and because multiple guests complained how sloppy and messy it looked. I'm on lockdown in a completely different country. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 071

You deserved it 140

Trashcan addiction

By Anonymous - 13/08/2021 00:01

Today, I finally got my 18 month-old to throw away her trash and dirty diapers. Now she throws everything away, and I can't get her to stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 686

You deserved it 458

Red thong, I mean red flag

By Anonymous - 07/10/2025 03:00

Today, I got the silent treatment from my boyfriend because my high waisted sweatpants accidentally slipped a little when I bent down, just as my creepy neighbor happened to walk by and my thong was exposed a little. The only thing he said to me all day was right before bed when he said, “Throw out that fucking underwear.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 499

You deserved it 114

Fish and chips is life

By Anonymous - 27/05/2020 17:00

Today, my husband had his hands full with the shopping, so I was carrying the baby and the bag with our takeaway in it. I tripped down the steps and fell over. Did my husband ask if I or the baby were OK? Nope. But he did ask if I’d squashed his fish and chips. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 829

You deserved it 271

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The Top

Today, five hours into my shift, I found out that I had been given the day off. They just forgot to tell me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 121

You deserved it 345

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me, as he'd realised that life is really short, and he's got to enjoy with his friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 766

You deserved it 201

Today, I walked into the bar to meet my Tinder date and sat down next to him at the bar. Without looking up from his phone, his first words to me were, “Piss off fatty, I’m meeting a hot chick tonight.” I guess he didn’t recognise me with my hair done and in a nice dress. FML

I agree, your life sucks 726

You deserved it 218

Today, I found out that last night, when I drank a bit too much and blacked out, I freaked out about "losing my tampon in my vagina" and made my boyfriend fish through to look for it. I had already taken it out before then, and was too drunk to realize. He told me he almost called 911. FML

I agree, your life sucks 353

You deserved it 1 149

Today, I rolled my ankle, got pink eye, and have the flu. Unable to stand long enough to cook myself a meal, I opted for delivery. When I opened the door for the delivery boy, he backed away frantically with his arms up upon seeing me. Apparently, I look just as shitty as I feel. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 055

You deserved it 1 954

Today, while I thought I'd never had an orgasm, my doctor informed me that I'm actually having orgasms almost every time I have sex. They just feel like utterly frustrating, slightly painful, unpleasurable and completely unsatisfying muscle contractions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 955

You deserved it 5 560