FML : Your everyday life stories

Today, my boss gave our coffee machine to her sister-in-law. I work in a cafe. FML

By DoubleTrouble - / Tuesday 16 October 2018 17:30 / India

World

Germany

Today, I met a really sweet cute guy on a dinner date. Too bad he was the waiter instead of my date. FML

By H.B - / Sunday 14 October 2018 17:30 / Germany

World

Norway

By right date wrong guy - / Sunday 14 October 2018 15:30 / Norway - Oslo

World

Today, after two months of lab research, I finally had a day off. I decided to treat myself to gourmet sun-dried tomatoes, as well as some fresh pasta for dinner. I split the entire pot of boiling water down my body and spent nearly 7 hours at the hospital. I also vomited the tomatoes up. FML

Today, after many months of physical therapy for my broken ankle and months of going to college with crutches, my doctor suddenly noticed that my bones hadn't grown together properly. I'm going to have to have another surgery and redo my entire year in college. FML

By ClumsyDumbsy - / Saturday 13 October 2018 23:00 / Australia

World

Russian Federation

Today, my wife and I finally had the house to ourselves as the kids are away. With all the buildup of a date night after the troubles we've been having, I thought this was the chance to get us back on track. She's asleep on the sofa at 8:30pm. FML

By Anthony - / Saturday 13 October 2018 23:00 / Russian Federation - Saint Petersburg

World

United Kingdom

By rejected Lonely heart - / Friday 12 October 2018 04:00 / United Kingdom - Edinburgh

World

Today, a lady on the subway sat next to me. She kept huffing and burping and was holding a plastic bag. I couldn't even finish the thought, "please don't puke on me" because she puked on me. FML

By 1DisGR8 - / Wednesday 10 October 2018 07:30 / Canada - Toronto

World

Today, I was stopped by a cop whilst opening my front door. Apparently my house has been under investigation for being abandoned and a possible drug lab. I live alone with my cats. I knew it was sad, not that it was suspicious. FML

By ButILiveHere - / Wednesday 10 October 2018 03:00 / Netherlands - Voerendaal

World

Today, while finally settling in our new house after months of being rejected for jobs as I lived in a rural area too far from everything, I heard back from my dream job. I was rejected because our new place is too far from the business. The old place would've been fine. FML

Today, someone stole my fence and my bulldog got out. I had to go look for her yelling her name in the street. When I found her and brought her back home, she peed in the house as revenge for me not letting her play with the terrified old couple. FML

By Aussie girl - / Tuesday 9 October 2018 15:30 / Australia

World

Romania

Today, I flew cross-country. Since the movers with my furniture and car won't arrive for 2 weeks, I packed several bags with most of my clothes and charging cords. The airline lost them. FML

By Lisa - / Wednesday 3 October 2018 23:00 / Romania

World

Czech Republic

Today, I had a one night stand. While lying next to him afterwards, he nervously said, "Listen, I, uh... I bought this when I was drunk." I wasn't really sure what he referred to until I realized: the bed sheets. The Twilight bed sheets. FML

By screwedflyer - / Wednesday 3 October 2018 14:00 / Czech Republic - Prague

World

Denmark

By Anonymous - / Saturday 29 September 2018 22:00 / Denmark

World

Today, I found out that a supervisor at work was rude to two brides, resulting in 30k being refunded. Instead of her losing her job, I now have to take over weddings on top of my already full workload. FML

Today, I finally sought help for my alcoholism. They told me they wouldn't help me until I'd stopped drinking. Um... what? FML

By Salesadmin - / Friday 28 September 2018 20:00 / Australia - Brisbane

World

United Kingdom

By Anonymous - / Wednesday 26 September 2018 16:30 / United Kingdom - London

World

Today, it's my 30th Birthday. The day started with me tripping in the shower and breaking my arm, continued with a car crashing into our car in the hospital parking, and ended with yet another car crash while finally driving home. Happy birthday to me. FML

By Birthdaygirl30 - / Wednesday 26 September 2018 14:00 / Netherlands - Oegstgeest

World

Today, I only discovered that a wasp was caught in the crotch of my undies when I put them on. It didn't like being teabagged very much and in retaliation stung the nearest target, my nuts. FML

Today, I couldn't get out of bed due to severe morning sickness. I have to lay still and I can only hold in some tiny crackers. It's the second day of our two-week holiday in Turkey. FML

By Anonymous - / Tuesday 25 September 2018 16:00 / Australia

World

Turkey

Today, I went on a blind date. As I waited for him in a pet-friendly mall, my friend said, "He's eccentric and has swag!" I didn't exactly know what she meant until I met him. He arrived with a miniature horse with a light pink coat and puffy fuchsia mane and tail. FML

By Snowy - / Saturday 22 September 2018 06:00 / Turkey

World

Philippines

By swag huh? - / Saturday 22 September 2018 04:00 / Philippines - Para?aque

World

Today, my landlady gave me exactly one day to move out. I'm not even in the country. FML

By Sunflare - / Friday 21 September 2018 17:30 / Netherlands - Holten

World

Today, I was heading to Prague with a few friends for a vacation. On the plane ride, I started flirting with this cute flight attendant and we hit it off. I ran into my friend who is a flight attendant for the same company to tell him. He looked at me and said, "Don't freak out, but she has a dick." FML

By labcho - / Thursday 20 September 2018 21:00 / Canada - Ottawa

World

Today, after having severe acne for 7 years and trying every affordable option available to fix it, decided that I would splurge on a $230 face cleanser. I got home and tried it immediately. The results? I had an allergic reaction to it. FML

Today, my wife and I got back from our cruise ship holiday. It was intended to be ten nights of relaxation and romance. The first five nights she had her period, and the next five nights I had painful welts on my tip from the mess in my swim shorts. Ten days later, no sex. FML

By Karls - / Wednesday 19 September 2018 09:30 / Australia

World

New Zealand

By ouchy - / Saturday 15 September 2018 13:30 / New Zealand - Nelson

World

Today, I went to the gym for the first time. I was nervous about using the showers because I'm embarrassed about my dick, but I felt better when I heard that guys don't check each other out in the shower. I was fine until 3 different guys talked about my junk. FML

By Embarrassed - / Friday 14 September 2018 00:00 / Canada - Whitby

World

Today, I was cleaning out my little sister's bedroom as she moved out and left a huge mess. I found her wearable vibrator. FML

By Anonymous - / Thursday 13 September 2018 00:00 / Canada - Ottawa

World

Today, I was kicked out of an Ed Sheeran concert because my friend arrived wasted on chardonnay. She didn't care because it was her 17th time seeing him. This was my 1st time seeing him and 1st time being kicked out of a place. I was dead sober. FML

By Lindora - / Tuesday 11 September 2018 19:30 / Canada - Richmond Hill

World

Today, I discovered my boyfriend enjoys anime, just like me. I discovered this when he said he wanted me to imitate and dress up as an underage character from his favourite anime next time we have sex. When I refused, he got upset and said he thought I would understand. FML

By lunarclaws - / Tuesday 11 September 2018 06:00 / Netherlands - Brielle

World

Today, my girlfriend finally came over to watch a movie with me after weeks of being really busy. As a treat she brought chocolate cookies, which she knows I can't eat. I am allergic to chocolate. FML

Today, all my money was stolen from my room during a stay abroad. I was in the room, I had just fallen asleep with my bag right next to me. When I landed back home, the airline lost my luggage. I am now penniless and don't even have a clean pair of underwear to my name. FML

By Chocolatehater - / Saturday 8 September 2018 18:30 / Netherlands - Wageningen

World

Macedonia

By brokeandalone - / Saturday 8 September 2018 03:30 / Macedonia - Skopje

World

Today, I tried to repay a friend's kindness by taking her visiting brother out for lunch while she was at work. He must have misread my friendliness, as he ended up following me home. I had to call the cops. FML

Today, we had an assembly with my entire grade to elect the graduation committee. When I got up to get nominated for the yearbook team, I stumbled and face-planted on stage. In front of 89 people. FML

By stopfollowingmemeansstopfollowingme - / Saturday 8 September 2018 04:30 / Australia - Matraville

World

Germany

Today I took my date home for sex after quite a long dry spell, only as he took his shoes off I was hit right in the nose by the most disgusting foot odour...

By Sound - / Thursday 6 September 2018 18:30 / Germany

FML

Nearly

Today, my boyfriend came home drunk from town, I know this because he busted the toilet door open crying and proposed to me, with a ring and all. I was...

Today, I got into a huge fight with a 6’3” 200 lb guy over my girlfriend of a month, who he claims to have been dating for 2 months. I'm 6’1” myself, but...

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World

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India

Germany

Today, my boss gave our coffee machine to her sister-in-law. I work in a cafe. FML

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Photos

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Spicy

Today, my girlfriend sent me a video of herself masturbating so I could watch it on my business trip. As I was watching it, I realised someone was filming...

Today, I got to see my fiancé for the first time in 3 months. While we were having sex for the first time, he slipped out and slammed into the back of...