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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, my friend was saying how her "nano" died. I quickly responded by saying, "So? Recharge it." Turns out she didn't say "nano"; she'd said "nana." FML

#760486
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26662) - you deserved it (48277)

On 04/02/2009 at 12:36am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, for april fools day, my entire class decided to prank our religion teacher. During our daily meditation time, while his eyes were closed, we slowly got out of our seats and left the classroom. Two minutes later he opened his eyes, locked us out, and called the dean to give us all detention. FML

#760336
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19705) - you deserved it (72740)

On 04/02/2009 at 12:22am - misc - by aprilfooled (woman) - United States (California)

Today, as a joke, my friends plastic wrapped me to my bed while I was sleeping, I had an allergic reaction to the plastic and had to have the girl I like come cut me out and give me my meds. I sleep naked and was unable to put on clothes during this time. She saw me naked, swollen and with hives. FML

#758026
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (80641) - you deserved it (5467)

On 04/01/2009 at 10:49pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, I went to Starbucks to get coffee. The employees told me that there was no more coffee. I started cursing at them and told them that I am in a really big hurry, and that I need coffee every day. They had been yelling back the whole time. Little did I realize, they were saying April Fool's. FML

#757455
232 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9092) - you deserved it (104357)

On 04/01/2009 at 10:36pm - misc - by lisa321 (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I bitched out my grandmother, who lives with my family, for being lazy and laying in bed until 6-7pm for the past month. When I was done, she told me she had been diagnosed with cancer and was depressed because of it. Nobody had bothered to tell me. FML

#755520
260 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27038) - you deserved it (94584)

On 04/01/2009 at 9:17pm - misc - by Casino (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was playing in a basketball game and blocked this kid's shot. I was really pumped up about it until I realized the kid had cerebral palsy and the coach put him on the team because he really wanted to be on at least one team in his life. FML

#754316
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29270) - you deserved it (49938)

On 04/01/2009 at 8:36pm - misc - by jalapenos99 (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, one of my baseball teammates thought it would be funny to perform a "cup-check", by hitting our crotches with the end of a baseball bat. I was actually watching the game, so I didn't see him when he came up and hit me. I wasn't wearing a cup. My nuts have shrunk by half of regular size. FML

#754264
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56607) - you deserved it (10931)

On 04/01/2009 at 8:34pm - misc - by Nutless (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I got up early to prank my family. I put a bucket of ice water on top of a door frame so whoever walked through would get an icy surprise. After I was done, I went back to bed. I woke up groggy and disoriented like always and walked right through the doorway I had rigged. FML

#742417
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16937) - you deserved it (157214)

On 04/01/2009 at 6:42am - misc - by blackvogue (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I went to the laundromat for the first time. I fit all of my clothes into two washers. Not knowing where to put the soap in, I asked a man doing his laundry, "Excuse me, where do I put the soap in?". He replied, "Ma'am, those are the dryers." FML

#742208
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11287) - you deserved it (75140)

On 04/01/2009 at 5:18am - misc - by esv (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I ran to a public bathroom because of explosive diarrhea. In the middle of it, I noticed there was no more toilet paper nor paper towels remaining. The smallest bill in my wallet was a 5. I had to pay 10 dollars to wipe my own butt. FML

#741988
289 comments

I agree, your life sucks (88491) - you deserved it (18431)

On 04/01/2009 at 4:16am - misc - by highleyj (man) - United States (California)

Today, my 8-year-old sister learned how to type her name into a phone using the number key-pad. I later found my phone on the kitchen counter with all my contacts under her name. FML

#740938
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62119) - you deserved it (9151)

On 04/01/2009 at 2:07am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I was on a crowded subway going home. My trousers were a bit dusty so I tried to dust myself off. As I was slapping the side of my leg I missed and hit a woman behind me in the ass. She called me a pervert and walked off. Everyone stared at me. It takes 40 minutes to get home. FML

#740929
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48437) - you deserved it (11514)

On 04/01/2009 at 2:07am - misc - by Thithien1 (man) - Korea Republic of (Seoul-t'ukpyolsi)

Today, my dad was on the couch and I sat down next to him. As I was reading a text message, I saw my dad's fat stomach sticking out so I patted it. After the first two pats, I realized I was patting in the wrong place. I patted the family jewels. FML

#740213
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20364) - you deserved it (74563)

On 04/01/2009 at 1:15am - misc - by whatashame (woman) - United States (California)



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