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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, I asked my best friend why she didn't ask our other best friend Anna to be a bridesmaid in her wedding. She said, "She's too pretty. I need ugly bridesmaids to make me look better." I am the maid of honor. FML

#2187535
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58625) - you deserved it (3495)

On 05/22/2009 at 6:21pm - misc - by Neverthebride - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I was kicked out of my parents house. I was sleeping in my truck bed because I had nowhere to go. I awoke to a "beep beep beep" noise. I was being towed while sleeping in the truck bed. FML

#2183304
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43093) - you deserved it (5611)

On 05/22/2009 at 4:08pm - misc - by tootles (man) - United States (California)

Today, as I was closing my car door, I realized I had left the keys in the ignition. Not wanting to lock myself out, I reached to stop the door from closing. Not only did I scream when the door slammed on my hand, but in my furious pain, I leaned on the door, locking my keys inside. FML

#2177372
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42789) - you deserved it (12520)

On 05/22/2009 at 11:16am - misc - by Ouch (man) - United States (North Dakota)

Today, my grandpa took out the family for dinner and paid for everyone. He paid the bill and my family and I were waiting by the door. I realised I probably should thank him for dinner. I turn around without thinking and give him a big hug and say thanks for dinner Grandpa. It wasn't my grandpa. FML

#2170558
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13884) - you deserved it (42557)

On 05/22/2009 at 1:12am - misc - by dummy (man) - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, my car died on a major road, a cop pulled over to help, he offered to jump me, while doing so because my battery was so dead he told me to put the gas on the floor, I did and my car roared to life, he then pulled me over five feet from where my car died to give me a ticket for a loud exhaust. FML

#2168919
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63373) - you deserved it (5077)

On 05/22/2009 at 12:17am - misc - by fmlcops (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, while cleaning out a closet with my mother, I found a wish list from when I was five. On that list, I wished my parents would divorce. Not only did that seriously hurt my mom, but now she thinks I'm the devil because my wish came true. FML

#2165517
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47399) - you deserved it (12214)

On 05/21/2009 at 10:45pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, I was walking in Walmart and this cute guy walked by me and winked. I thought he wanted to talk so I followed him around the store trying to catch up. Turns out it wasn't a wink, he had something in his eye. And he told the security person that a weird girl was stalking him. FML

#2156907
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10566) - you deserved it (46875)

On 05/21/2009 at 7:46pm - misc - by liz (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I brought some cupcakes to my class for my birthday, like all the cool kids do. When it came time to sing happy birthday, the entire class said "happy birthday to" then forgot my name. Except my teacher. She said Steve. My name's Jeff. FML

#2150029
304 comments

I agree, your life sucks (69709) - you deserved it (6203)

On 05/21/2009 at 4:49pm - misc - by theman (man) - Sent from mobile version

Today, I was looking over some old notes from high school when I came across a list of things I wanted to accomplish by the time I'm 25. I haven't accomplished a single one. I'm 26. FML

#2144492
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42570) - you deserved it (15489)

On 05/21/2009 at 1:16pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my parents bought me a wine glass with "Who needs a man?" painted all over it. Cute, until after dinner my mom looked me in the eyes and asked with complete sincerity, "Kara, are you gay?" My parents tried to get me to come out. I'm straight. FML

#2140497
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51617) - you deserved it (3360)

On 05/21/2009 at 9:06am - misc - by pa (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was desperate for a pee so I used some public toilets which were full of obviously underage girls drinking. I didn't think anything of it until halfway through my business when I looked up to see two of them leaning over the top of the stall taking pictures with a mobile phone. FML

#2139202
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51936) - you deserved it (3771)

On 05/21/2009 at 6:52am - misc - by PublicToiletEspionage (woman) - United Kingdom (Glasgow City)

Today, I was visiting my sick grandmother in the hospital when my cousin and I were playing in some empty wheelchairs. After goofing off I said, "They're fun, but I would kill myself if I was in a wheelchair." A little boy rounded the corner and said, "Tell me about it." He was in a wheelchair. FML

#2138736
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12059) - you deserved it (78276)

On 05/21/2009 at 5:48am - misc - by boyo (man) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, after a few drinks my dad decided to tell me the story of how I was born. He wanted a baby girl after my brother, and mum didn't want any more children. So he tricked her by giving her the wrong pill. That should explain a lot. FML

#2137630
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52731) - you deserved it (2524)

On 05/21/2009 at 3:31am - misc - by verycre8tive (woman) - Romania (Bucuresti)



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