Today, at a rehearsal, a friend poked me: "My mother is in the orchestra, guess who she is!" I jokingly answer: "Erm…The fat singer?". It was. FML

by LadyJane / 01/04/2009 at 5:15am / Miscellaneous

Today, I went shopping with a friend. She went to try some clothes on and came out to ask for my opinion. "Hell no! That shirt is awful!". She wanted to show me the pants. The shirt was hers. FML

by noname / 01/04/2009 at 12:39am / Miscellaneous

Today, I got unbelievably drunk and pissed in the corner of my room, all over a plug socket, which blew out the electrics. FML

by Anonymous / 01/04/2009 at 12:22am / Miscellaneous

Today, to amuse my girlfriend I put on her sexy nightshirt and go out on the balcony for a smoke, wriggling about in front of her window. She laughs until one of her neighbors shouts "HELLO!" from the upper floor, grinning at the show. FML

by gabess / 01/03/2009 at 8:59pm / Miscellaneous

Today, I was eating at a nice restaurant. Feeling curious, I daringly asked for the surprise "Maiden's Dream" dessert. The waiter came back with a banana between two balls of ice-cream on a plate, and no spoon. FML

by [email protected] / 01/03/2009 at 3:38am / Miscellaneous

Today, my mother bought me some "biodegradable" tissues. Indeed, they melted… in my hand. FML

by mc / 01/02/2009 at 9:12pm / Miscellaneous

Today, and for the last 8 months my upstairs neighbours have been making a tremendous noise. I finally decided to go up to complain: "The amount of noise you make is unbelievable ! It sounds like you're driving tractors up here!". The woman replies: "My husband is paraplegic..." FML

by Jared / 01/01/2009 at 3:49am / Miscellaneous

Today, I celebrated the new year. Alone. FML

by Nick Nameous / 01/01/2009 at 1:22am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend tried to clean out the fireplace with a vacuum cleaner, she sucked up a bunch of embers which set the vacuum on fire. After a crying for a bit, she went back to finish cleaning up only to find that some embers she dumped in a bucket melted through and set part of the carpet on fire. FML

by blck / 12/31/2008 at 9:53pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Miscellaneous

Today, as a prank I shook my girlfriend's can of soda. I hadn't noticed that it was already open. FML

by Simon / 12/30/2008 at 6:14am / Miscellaneous

Today, I went swimming. While I was walking along side of the pool, everyone was staring at me. I began to think that my diet was really working. It was only an hour later, in the changing rooms, that I noticed the string from my Tampax that was sticking out of my swimming costume. FML

by mimimi / 12/30/2008 at 1:24am / Miscellaneous

Today, my flatmate was listening to opera on full volume all afternoon and now he's playing James Bond on the trumpet. FML

by noname / 12/29/2008 at 1:09am / Miscellaneous

Today, I used my Christmas holiday time to open up a load of old letters. There were a lot of bills, of course, but there was also a note telling me that I'm due for a tax inspection. Merry F*ing Christmas! FML

by TodX / 12/27/2008 at 3:23am / Miscellaneous