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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, I went to my best friend's birthday party. After about 15 minutes, I noticed a girl, possibly one of his sisters friends, wearing the same shirt as me. I am a 23 year old bloke. She didn't look a day over 14. FML

#2205796
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33841) - you deserved it (9108)

On 05/23/2009 at 6:53am - misc - by bluewinter (man) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I went to a dollar store with a couple friends to buy cap guns to play with. We were having a lot of fun with them, and took them onto a bus. 5 minutes later, three cops got on, handcuffed us, and sternly talked to us about the dangers of guns. We got arrested for toy guns. We are 17. FML

#2204449
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19193) - you deserved it (55014)

On 05/23/2009 at 3:37am - misc - by arrestedgun (man) - Canada

Today, my brother and I were standing at the baggage claim, waiting for our luggage to come out. We were commenting on all the bags that appeared, and when two large hiking packs came out I exclaimed "What kind of cunts go backpacking in New York?" The old couple standing next to us, apparently. FML

#2203272
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7427) - you deserved it (81634)

On 05/23/2009 at 2:20am - misc - by beavis - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I decided to tell my mother what I thought about religion. I've been raised catholic. I told her I was converting to Wicca, to which she sort of nodded and walked away. I went into my room to study with my earbuds in, music loud. I walked out to see a cross nailed above my door. FML

#2202679
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37688) - you deserved it (32020)

On 05/23/2009 at 1:50am - misc - by Sigh (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was lining a soccer field. I had the entire grid laid out, so I began to paint with a handheld cart. I finished the entire field without looking back once. I forgot to put paint in the cart. I walked around a field for an hour painting with air. FML

#2201893
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14683) - you deserved it (61413)

On 05/23/2009 at 1:15am - misc - by onlyme (man) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, while installing a deadbolt on my closet, I did it wrong. It closed but wouldn't lock so I had to re-install it. Sitting on the floor of my closet, I shut it to make sure it was installed correctly. I locked myself in for twenty minutes, home alone, before kicking the door down. FML

Today, while driving across country, my car broke down while in the middle of nowhere. I had it towed to a mechanic in the nearest town. While he fixed the car, I went to get lunch. The only restaurant in town was an old-fashioned drive-up diner. They wouldn't serve me because I wasn't in a car. FML

#2189691
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43824) - you deserved it (2297)

On 05/22/2009 at 7:25pm - misc - by stillhungry (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I asked my best friend why she didn't ask our other best friend Anna to be a bridesmaid in her wedding. She said, "She's too pretty. I need ugly bridesmaids to make me look better." I am the maid of honor. FML

#2187535
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58577) - you deserved it (3493)

On 05/22/2009 at 6:21pm - misc - by Neverthebride - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I was kicked out of my parents house. I was sleeping in my truck bed because I had nowhere to go. I awoke to a "beep beep beep" noise. I was being towed while sleeping in the truck bed. FML

#2183304
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43051) - you deserved it (5607)

On 05/22/2009 at 4:08pm - misc - by tootles (man) - United States (California)

Today, as I was closing my car door, I realized I had left the keys in the ignition. Not wanting to lock myself out, I reached to stop the door from closing. Not only did I scream when the door slammed on my hand, but in my furious pain, I leaned on the door, locking my keys inside. FML

#2177372
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41119) - you deserved it (12024)

On 05/22/2009 at 11:16am - misc - by Ouch (man) - United States (North Dakota)

Today, my grandpa took out the family for dinner and paid for everyone. He paid the bill and my family and I were waiting by the door. I realised I probably should thank him for dinner. I turn around without thinking and give him a big hug and say thanks for dinner Grandpa. It wasn't my grandpa. FML

#2170558
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13708) - you deserved it (42280)

On 05/22/2009 at 1:12am - misc - by dummy (man) - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, my car died on a major road, a cop pulled over to help, he offered to jump me, while doing so because my battery was so dead he told me to put the gas on the floor, I did and my car roared to life, he then pulled me over five feet from where my car died to give me a ticket for a loud exhaust. FML

#2168919
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63317) - you deserved it (5074)

On 05/22/2009 at 12:17am - misc - by fmlcops (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, while cleaning out a closet with my mother, I found a wish list from when I was five. On that list, I wished my parents would divorce. Not only did that seriously hurt my mom, but now she thinks I'm the devil because my wish came true. FML

#2165517
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46648) - you deserved it (12026)

On 05/21/2009 at 10:45pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New York)



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