Today, the phone rang. I run to get the call, I trip, fall on a metal chair. Tears in my eyes and out of breath I pick up... "Hi, do you have a minute to answer a few questions? It's for a survey." FML

by Kika / 01/20/2009 at 2:59am / Miscellaneous

Today, in the forest, I hit my foot against a half-buried metal thing. I dug into the ground, and found a beautiful box, heavy enough to not be empty. I imagined myself with gold coins. Inside was the corpse of a cat. FML

by mainche / 01/20/2009 at 2:13am / Miscellaneous

Today, I put my paint brush into my cup of tea. FML

by Petridishoflove / 01/20/2009 at 1:12am / Hong Kong / Miscellaneous

Today, I discovered that Paolo has a big penis, that he's good in bed and that the hotel sheets still remember it all. Mum, the walls won't get any thicker just 'cause you're on the telephone. FML

by Anonymous / 01/20/2009 at 12:42am / Miscellaneous

Today, I had a dream that I was 25, unemployed, living with my parents, and still completely in love with someone who no longer feels the same way about me. Oh wait... it wasn't a dream. FML

by HeadTrauma / 01/19/2009 at 11:23pm / United States (West Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I bought a party bowl of Bud Light for a get-together. Around midnight, I realized that I didn't have the tap to get the beer out. Fifty-five cans of untappable beer and no more beer money. FML

by Colleen / 01/18/2009 at 6:14pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mom gave me and my brothers each a cd of her recent photoshoot for her book. I found out later that my mom didn't know how to burn only SOME of the photos on the CD, and ended up burning all of the photos onto the CD. Some of the photos were provocative. FML

by scarred4life / 01/18/2009 at 2:18pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to get a scratch off lottery ticket, and the dude in front of me got the same one I was going to get. He won 500 dollars. I got 2 bucks. FML

by steveinnewsoh / 01/18/2009 at 2:12pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

Today, I tried buying a video game that was rated "M - for mature". The Cashier told me "you have to be 17 to buy this game". I didn't have any ID on me. I'm 25. FML

by Noname / 01/18/2009 at 5:24am / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, I logged on to Facebook for the first time in nine days. No new notifications. FML

by zuut / 01/18/2009 at 12:22am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was in a toilet cubicle, when I overheard two of my friends at the sink talking about how ugly and skinny I was. FML

by Youknowwho / 01/17/2009 at 9:55pm / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous

Today, I posted a question on a forum asking if my week old nipple piercing would get hooked on anything easily. People assured me that it would be fine. An hour later I had to climb over a wall to get something and in lowering myself down I forgot about it and dragged my nipple along the wall. FML

by jdot747 / 01/17/2009 at 8:48pm / Canada (Newfoundland and Labrador) / Miscellaneous

Today, my house got egged and since it is the winter the eggs froze. They used two dozen eggs. FML

by Noname / 01/17/2009 at 7:52pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous