Today, I got together with a small gathering of friends in a bar. I go up to the bar to order something, but with all the music and noise, the barman can't hear what I'm trying to say, so he leans forward, cocking his ear towards me. For some reason, I thought he was being friendly so I kissed him as if we were saying hello to each other. FML

by Ad-s / 01/14/2009 at 12:01am / Miscellaneous

Today, I stole one of my cousin's chocolates. I didn't tell her, after I ate it, I read the box and realized that it was a chocolate laxative. I'm posting this from the bathroom. FML

by dannij08 / 01/13/2009 at 8:05pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I threw a rock in the air and watched it soar. And watched it come back down and hit me in the face. Gravity. FML

by Gale / 01/13/2009 at 10:01am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, I'm a 23 year old girl who often has to wear two pairs of socks. I don't have four feet, but I have no boobs. FML

by carrie / 01/13/2009 at 1:41am / Algeria / Miscellaneous

Today, I saw a friend in the street but he didn't see me, so as a joke I decided to ring him. He took his mobile out of his pocket, sighed and didn't pick up. FML

by patty / 01/12/2009 at 9:47pm / Miscellaneous

Today, as I came out of some changing rooms in a clothes shop, I gave back all the stuff I'd tried on to a saleswoman. I then walk off, make it about a couple of yards, change my mind and decide to purchase one of the items I'd tried. When I get back, the saleswoman was spraying the changing room I'd used with deodorant. FML

by carla / 01/12/2009 at 8:35pm / France (Languedoc-Roussillon) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mother bought me Mickey Mouse shaped burgers for my dinner. I'm 19. FML

by ana9 / 01/12/2009 at 10:56am / Miscellaneous

Today, I was putting a new lightbulb in when my wife walks into the room and says "you can't see a thing, i'll turn the light on for you". And she did. FML

by Christoams / 01/11/2009 at 11:35pm / Miscellaneous

Today, I have a degree in electrical engineering, my wife was doing a crossword and asked me what are the units of capacitance, I couldn't remember. FML

by jibjab / 01/11/2009 at 11:46am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, at the age of 22 I started eating my boogers. FML

by Snotmyfault / 01/11/2009 at 9:33am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, we were out smoking a bit of spliff just walking around. We saw a place to sit down in this little car park we were walking past. The cops came over and busted us. Turns out we were in the main car park for the cop shop. FML

by karl / 01/10/2009 at 1:50am / Ireland (Dublin) / Miscellaneous

Today, I made some popcorn. Returning to the kitchen a couple of minutes later, I realized I was supposed to put a cover on the saucepan. FML

by csully / 01/10/2009 at 1:34am / Miscellaneous

Today, I woke up to find that the large container of leftover beef stroganoff that I put down the garbage disposal last night had backed up into my bathtub this morning. FML

by Noname / 01/09/2009 at 6:21am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous