Today, I spent almost my entire English class turned on thinking that the hot girl next to me was playing footsie with me. That is until she stood up and I realized I had been rubbing my foot on her backpack. FML

by Kevin / 02/05/2009 at 1:04pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, I walked past a man handing out miniature Bibles on my way to class. He handed me one, commenting "here, you look like you need this." FML

by Michigan / 02/04/2009 at 8:18pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

Today, I discovered my mom has over 20 sites bookmarked on her laptop, all having to do with 'How To Boost Your Insecure Teen's Confidence' or 'How To Help Your Overweight Teen Have A Positive Self Image'. Thanks, mommy. FML

by Noname / 02/04/2009 at 6:04pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got in line at the grocery store. The woman in front of me looked right at me, turned to her friend, and said "That reminds me, I forgot to get acne cream." FML

by 918boyz / 02/04/2009 at 5:23pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Miscellaneous

Today, a guy in the library came up to me and said, "You look very unproductive. It makes me depressed just watching you". FML

by Noname / 02/04/2009 at 12:04pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, I walked past a girl in the cafeteria and she threw up. Naturally, a crowd was drawn. Her friend asked her what was wrong. She pointed at me and said, "Get him away from me!" I had never met this girl. FML

by disgusting / 02/04/2009 at 11:51am / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I realized that I know more about Paris Hilton's cervix than how my government is run. FML

by parishiltonsbff / 02/03/2009 at 7:11pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was taking the elevator down with a group of people. It stopped on the 2nd floor and I said "What asshole can't take the steps from the 2nd floor?" Then a kid in a wheelchair got on. FML

by j0natron / 02/03/2009 at 3:30pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, the only girl I'm friends with deleted my comment off of her profile because she was too embarrassed that people would see we were friends. FML

by sh33zy / 02/03/2009 at 3:27pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Miscellaneous

Today, my 4 year old niece asked me why I didn't have a job or wife. FML

by Noname / 02/03/2009 at 3:25pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, after a late night at a bar, I stepped into my building's elevator with a Chinese man who was carrying a plastic bag. Without thinking, I said, "Oooh, are you still delivering?" His response was, "I live here." FML

by Noname / 02/03/2009 at 2:57pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I finally got the guts to walk out of class 30 min. early only to find that the back door was locked. As I stood there like an idiot trying to get it open, all 200 people in my class turned to laugh. My professor stared at me. I then walked back to my seat sat down and unpacked. FML

by baller12 / 02/03/2009 at 10:25am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I tried helping an old lady with her groceries. When I asked if she needed help she smiled. When I took one of her bags she yelled. I didn't know she was deaf. FML

by Cob / 02/03/2009 at 8:03am / United States (South Carolina) / Miscellaneous