Today, I fell asleep in English and drooled on my test. Evidently everyone noticed. FML

by Erin / 01/15/2009 at 10:05am / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was told that my mom and her new husband have named my new born brother "Titan". FML

by isthisajoke / 01/14/2009 at 10:49pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was trying to finish an english assignment and I was not sure how to complete it. So I emailed my teacher asking and she said flip over the assignment handout page for instructions. FML

by FUKDOUG / 01/14/2009 at 8:47pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous

Today, a drunk girl asked me for directions to her hotel. I had just bought an empanada and was feeling good, so I agree to look up the address on my phone. Two minutes and a text charge later, I got the address. Out of inebriated glee, she hugged me and knocked the tasty empanada out of my hand. FML

by Hungry / 01/14/2009 at 10:01am / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to the bagel shop down the street for breakfast, the same one I've been going to for over 6 months now. At the counter the same lil' cook guy who's served me over those same 6 months, looks at me and says, "Yes, Ms?". I'm a guy. FML

by dunnough / 01/14/2009 at 6:06am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got together with a small gathering of friends in a bar. I go up to the bar to order something, but with all the music and noise, the barman can't hear what I'm trying to say, so he leans forward, cocking his ear towards me. For some reason, I thought he was being friendly so I kissed him as if we were saying hello to each other. FML

by Ad-s / 01/14/2009 at 12:01am / Miscellaneous

Today, I stole one of my cousin's chocolates. I didn't tell her, after I ate it, I read the box and realized that it was a chocolate laxative. I'm posting this from the bathroom. FML

by dannij08 / 01/13/2009 at 8:05pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I threw a rock in the air and watched it soar. And watched it come back down and hit me in the face. Gravity. FML

by Gale / 01/13/2009 at 10:01am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, I'm a 23 year old girl who often has to wear two pairs of socks. I don't have four feet, but I have no boobs. FML

by carrie / 01/13/2009 at 1:41am / Algeria / Miscellaneous

Today, I saw a friend in the street but he didn't see me, so as a joke I decided to ring him. He took his mobile out of his pocket, sighed and didn't pick up. FML

by patty / 01/12/2009 at 9:47pm / Miscellaneous

Today, as I came out of some changing rooms in a clothes shop, I gave back all the stuff I'd tried on to a saleswoman. I then walk off, make it about a couple of yards, change my mind and decide to purchase one of the items I'd tried. When I get back, the saleswoman was spraying the changing room I'd used with deodorant. FML

by carla / 01/12/2009 at 8:35pm / France (Languedoc-Roussillon) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mother bought me Mickey Mouse shaped burgers for my dinner. I'm 19. FML

by ana9 / 01/12/2009 at 10:56am / Miscellaneous

Today, I was putting a new lightbulb in when my wife walks into the room and says "you can't see a thing, i'll turn the light on for you". And she did. FML

by Christoams / 01/11/2009 at 11:35pm / Miscellaneous