Today, before a big formal banquet, I went tanning because I wanted to look good in my cocktail dress. I got out of the tanning bed only to realize that I had left my socks on. FML

by Sh.H / 02/22/2009 at 11:09pm / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous

Today, I celebrated my birthday with my friend who has the same birthday by going out to dinner with a bunch of our friends. The waiter brought out a cake for my friend but not for me. No one noticed my exclusion. I sang happy birthday on my birthday. FML

by jet8725 / 02/22/2009 at 11:05pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I arrived at my parents house for dinner. When I got there, I noticed that they had gay pride flags hanging from the porch, and gay rights bumper stickers plastered to their cars. There was also a huge "We accept you, Nick" banner hanging from the garage. I'M NOT GAY! FML

by Nick / 02/22/2009 at 10:04pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

Today, I saw my mom sneaking meat into her spaghetti sauce. She told me she sneaks meat into most of the food she cooks. I've been a vegetarian for 8 years. FML

by j0hn / 02/22/2009 at 9:35pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, my parents met my boyfriends parents for the first time. Bailing us out of jail. FML

by DB / 02/22/2009 at 9:29pm / United States (South Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, at my softball game, there was one spot left for center field. The coach had to choose between me or the girl who forgot her glasses and was blind without them. He chose her. FML

by JRock / 02/22/2009 at 3:41pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was at a party and all my friends started asking me ways they could leave so no one would notice because the party sucked. It was MY party. FML

by SIK of everything / 02/22/2009 at 9:37am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, while walking through the fragrance area in a shopping center a women behind me asked; "Excuse me miss, would you like to sample our new fragrance line." I'm a 19 year old male. I turned around expecting her to correct herself. She didn't. FML

by highlycontagious / 02/22/2009 at 4:45am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, my Grandma was showing me an ancient family letter. It was apparently written by someone historically famous. She was going on about how important it was, in such good condition too, worth a lot. I dropped my glass of juice. It spilt all over it. FML

by damn-it / 02/22/2009 at 1:41am / Australia (Queensland) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was happy because my exact shirt and sweater were in seventeen magazine. They were in the "what not to wear" category. FML

by secenteenmagazine. / 02/22/2009 at 1:34am / Canada (Newfoundland and Labrador) / Miscellaneous

Today, while changing my tampon in the stall of my high school's bathroom, I lost control of the plastic applicator. The blood-covered apparatus shot out like a rocket underneath the stall door. For a moment I thought no one noticed, then the screaming began. FML

by isuckatlife / 02/21/2009 at 10:16pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mother told me she was going out of town this weekend. I re-assured her that I would not throw a party. She replied "Oh, like you have enough friends to do that." FML

by stinker / 02/21/2009 at 8:20pm / United States (Kansas) / Miscellaneous

Today, while working on a carpentry project with my friend at 2am, and enjoying some beers, I cut my hand and realized I needed medical attention. Neither of us being in driving shape, I knocked on my parents bedroom door to request a ride. I was told I had to wait for them to "finish." FML

by Whothrewhim / 02/21/2009 at 7:39pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.