Today, I wanted to see if the frying pan was hot. I no longer have fingerprints. FML

by bip / 12/15/2008 at 12:36am / Miscellaneous

Today, I aimed at the little blue thing placed at the bottom of the urinal. I learned the hard way that it splashes off it and makes little blue stains on jumpers. FML

by Guuu / 12/14/2008 at 6:31am / Miscellaneous

Today, I help myself to a piece of a cake brought by guests at a birthday party. I don't like it much so I discreetly attempt to give it to the girl next to me. I ask her "Do you want some? It's sort of disgusting." She replies: "Thanks, I made it." FML

by Nawel / 12/13/2008 at 1:54am / Miscellaneous

Today, I cut my nice and tasty home-made sandwich in half to give to a homeless man. He tasted it, pulled an unimpressed face, and then stuck it in his pocket. FML

by groom / 12/11/2008 at 9:30pm / Miscellaneous

Today, I argued with a boy from school over a girl. I didn't know he was a black belt judoka. I'm still in pain. FML

by Pfff / 12/11/2008 at 5:40am / Miscellaneous

Today, a girl in my class turned around and said, "Wow, you've got your photo on a rubber! That's amazing!" The rubber was designed to look like a £10 note, and the picture was of the Queen of England. FML

by Elizabeth / 12/11/2008 at 12:13am / Miscellaneous

Today, I was working and eating. I was so tired that I crunched my pen and crushed my chocolate-filled pastry on my exercise book. FML

by Heyme / 12/09/2008 at 8:50am / Miscellaneous

Today, I wanted to join the bus drivers strike. I couldn't… the buses were on strike. FML

by noname / 12/08/2008 at 9:03pm / Miscellaneous

Today, I met someone with the same name as me for the first time ever. I'm 20 years old, he is 97. FML

by Heyhey / 12/08/2008 at 3:46am / Miscellaneous

Today, I'm heading towards my car clutching a bunch of flowers for my girlfriend, when along comes a sweet old lady who says: "it's not flowers she wants, it's some lovin'!". The elderly sure aren't what they used to be. FML

by DarkPhoenix / 12/04/2008 at 6:16am / Miscellaneous

Today, my philosophy teacher asked me about my parents. I replied that my mum was a cleaner and my dad was a bus driver. In an astonished voice, she said, "But, you're clever..." FML

by lamb-chop / 12/02/2008 at 1:32am / Miscellaneous

Today, I had an important interview. On the way there, I stopped in front of a car window to look at my reflection, checking I didn't have salad stuck between my teeth. Having pulled several faces, I realised that there were two girls inside the car, cracking up with laughter. FML

by Groom / 11/30/2008 at 5:51am / Miscellaneous

Today, while shopping for a pair of shoes, I saw a pair I really liked lying around, so I sat down to try them on. Then, a man came up to me and pointed out that they were actually his shoes. FML

by Gregory / 11/28/2008 at 5:28am / Miscellaneous