Today, I accidentally unplugged my headphones in the quiet section of the library, causing my music to play from my laptop at full volume. I was listening to Celine Dion. I'm the captain of the football team. FML

by misc / 02/07/2009 at 9:31pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, after leaving a store I got stuck at a red light. A car pulled up next to me and there was a half retarded man jerking his junk at me. Nasty image burned into my corneas forever. FML

by Noname / 02/07/2009 at 8:23pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, the creepy skin care guy at the mall with the heavy accent asked me if I was pregnant. When I said no he replied "Oh, too many donuts then?" FML

by notpreggers / 02/07/2009 at 7:54pm / United States (Indiana) / Miscellaneous

Today, the alarm on my phone went off. I picked it up, hit snooze, and dropped it back on my desk without looking. I woke up an hour later to find that I had dropped it directly in a full glass of water. FML

by tarheels526 / 02/07/2009 at 7:53pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, I tried hallucinogenic mushrooms for the first time with my friend. Little did I know, they last for around 6 hours, and I had class at 3, when I had to give a presentation in front of 30 people. FML

by facepalmshroomer / 02/07/2009 at 6:24pm / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I sang at a retirement home with my school choir. Afterward we went to speak to the old people, just to get to know them a little. The first woman I shake hands with ask "Are you a boy or a girl?" FML

by ChoirGuy / 02/07/2009 at 6:02pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was walking down the street with my newly healed implants, when a drag queen approached me and asked who my doctor was, because I was the "most convincing transgender he had ever seen." I'm a woman. FML

by woo. / 02/07/2009 at 4:51pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went looking for a childhood doll - I remembered that my mum kept her in her bedside cabinet. I could see the doll at the back, but there was stuff in the way, so I reached in and took some of it out, only to find I was holding one of my mum's toys... a big black rubber cock. FML

by J / 02/07/2009 at 4:16pm / United Kingdom (Stockport) / Miscellaneous

Today, while I was trying to take off my eye make up, I accidentally used nail polish remover. FML

by Snow / 02/07/2009 at 3:43pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mom was telling me a funny story about when I was young. So I said 'yeah I was funny huh?' She replied 'Yep, I had a funny one and a pretty one'. FML

by Noname / 02/07/2009 at 3:42pm / United States (Indiana) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was passing a building and saw a fat, ugly person inside. I started to laugh and noticed it was my reflection. FML

by name50 / 02/07/2009 at 1:16pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I realized my best friend has had it off in my apartment more times than I have. FML

by paradox / 02/07/2009 at 2:23am / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous

Today, My roommate texted me and warned me to be careful on the stairs leading to our place because they were icy. I got the message. After I fell down an entire flight of stone stairs. FML

by CBM2012 / 02/06/2009 at 11:58pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous