Today, I was talking with some of my friends who are girls. They were all complaining about how there was no good boys left to ask to the Sadie Hawkins Dance. Hoping for an invite I mentioned I was still availiable. They just laughed at me and invited me to come dress shopping with them. FML

by Noname / 02/09/2009 at 6:47pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, I learnt that nail polish remover is, in fact, VERY flammable. And I learnt it the hard way. FML

by adrenochrome / 02/09/2009 at 4:21am / Lithuania (Vilniaus Apskritis) / Miscellaneous

Today, I can't decide what's worse, my mom walking in on me doing the five knuckle shuffle, or the one hour talk the next day about how it's perfectly normal and even she does it. FML

by oops / 02/09/2009 at 12:12am / United States (Kentucky) / Miscellaneous

Today, I called my dad to inform him I was coming home from college for the weekend. Expecting him to be excited, he responded with "why?" This weekend was my birthday. FML

by seb21 / 02/08/2009 at 9:32pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, I looked at the facebook of the girl I really liked, and I saw she wrote on her friend's wall "Last night was the biggest mistake of my life." We hooked up last night. FML

by YeahWhatOkay / 02/08/2009 at 7:37pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mum decided that me being bisexual meant that I was "deciding whether or not to be a lesbian" because supposedly, no man will have me. Thanks mum. FML

by lil_munchkinjen / 02/08/2009 at 7:01pm / United Kingdom (Worcestershire) / Miscellaneous

Today, I changed the C on my report card into a B so that I wouldn't get in trouble with my parents. I spent the entire day perfecting the B's positioning and cut exactly around the edges of the size 10 font and sliced my finger in the process. Turns out, I'm still grounded for getting a B. FML

by olivia_stealth / 02/08/2009 at 6:50pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I auditioned for the musical at my school. Before I sang my song, I gave my music to the director. She said "Oh, I love this song!". After I sang it, she told me, "Its okay, I still like the song." FML

by None / 02/08/2009 at 12:18pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, I told my mom I loved her a lot. Her reply? "Thanks." FML

by KaLa / 02/08/2009 at 11:30am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, my best friend told me she wanted to rape my throat. I did not know that was possible. FML

by N / 02/08/2009 at 3:04am / United States (Indiana) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was watching 24 and realized that Jack Bauer had gotten more action in 5 hours than I had in 5 months. FML

by Noname / 02/08/2009 at 2:39am / Canada (Quebec) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was kicked out of my track team's locker room because the coach said there weren't enough lockers for everyone on the team. There are 74 lockers and only 52 girls on the team. FML

by Noname / 02/07/2009 at 10:39pm / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous

Today, I accidentally unplugged my headphones in the quiet section of the library, causing my music to play from my laptop at full volume. I was listening to Celine Dion. I'm the captain of the football team. FML

by misc / 02/07/2009 at 9:31pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous