Today, I looked at the facebook of the girl I really liked, and I saw she wrote on her friend's wall "Last night was the biggest mistake of my life." We hooked up last night. FML

by YeahWhatOkay / 02/08/2009 at 7:37pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mum decided that me being bisexual meant that I was "deciding whether or not to be a lesbian" because supposedly, no man will have me. Thanks mum. FML

by lil_munchkinjen / 02/08/2009 at 7:01pm / United Kingdom (Worcestershire) / Miscellaneous

Today, I changed the C on my report card into a B so that I wouldn't get in trouble with my parents. I spent the entire day perfecting the B's positioning and cut exactly around the edges of the size 10 font and sliced my finger in the process. Turns out, I'm still grounded for getting a B. FML

by olivia_stealth / 02/08/2009 at 6:50pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I auditioned for the musical at my school. Before I sang my song, I gave my music to the director. She said "Oh, I love this song!". After I sang it, she told me, "Its okay, I still like the song." FML

by None / 02/08/2009 at 12:18pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, I told my mom I loved her a lot. Her reply? "Thanks." FML

by KaLa / 02/08/2009 at 11:30am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, my best friend told me she wanted to rape my throat. I did not know that was possible. FML

by N / 02/08/2009 at 3:04am / United States (Indiana) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was watching 24 and realized that Jack Bauer had gotten more action in 5 hours than I had in 5 months. FML

by Noname / 02/08/2009 at 2:39am / Canada (Quebec) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was kicked out of my track team's locker room because the coach said there weren't enough lockers for everyone on the team. There are 74 lockers and only 52 girls on the team. FML

by Noname / 02/07/2009 at 10:39pm / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous

Today, I accidentally unplugged my headphones in the quiet section of the library, causing my music to play from my laptop at full volume. I was listening to Celine Dion. I'm the captain of the football team. FML

by misc / 02/07/2009 at 9:31pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, after leaving a store I got stuck at a red light. A car pulled up next to me and there was a half retarded man jerking his junk at me. Nasty image burned into my corneas forever. FML

by Noname / 02/07/2009 at 8:23pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, the creepy skin care guy at the mall with the heavy accent asked me if I was pregnant. When I said no he replied "Oh, too many donuts then?" FML

by notpreggers / 02/07/2009 at 7:54pm / United States (Indiana) / Miscellaneous

Today, the alarm on my phone went off. I picked it up, hit snooze, and dropped it back on my desk without looking. I woke up an hour later to find that I had dropped it directly in a full glass of water. FML

by tarheels526 / 02/07/2009 at 7:53pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, I tried hallucinogenic mushrooms for the first time with my friend. Little did I know, they last for around 6 hours, and I had class at 3, when I had to give a presentation in front of 30 people. FML

by facepalmshroomer / 02/07/2009 at 6:24pm / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous