Today, I broke, shoveled, and salted the ice covering my entire driveway. The size is roughly 8 cars' worth, and took me two hours of back-breaking effot to clear. I completely forgot that it was supposed to rain later today. FML

by bedrockmike / 01/28/2009 at 9:15am / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was discussing my family heritage with my girlfriend's parents. The moment I told them that I came from a German background, her seven-year-old brother pointed at me and yelled, "HITLER!" FML

by razzmataz / 01/28/2009 at 8:38am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I gathered the courage to participate in a class discussion. My professor laughed at me. FML

by Noname / 01/28/2009 at 6:03am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to buy some Ibuprofen and got asked for ID. You have to be over 16 to buy it. I'm 25. FML

by noneoftheabove / 01/28/2009 at 12:21am / United Kingdom (Nottingham) / Miscellaneous

Today, at the mall my brother and I went to look at a vendor's items when my mom said not to touch anything. Thinking my brother was standing next to me, I saw him touching stuff so I smacked him in the arm and told him to stop. I turn to see that the old lady to my side was giving me a mean look. FML

by Noname / 01/27/2009 at 2:36pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, I realised I like Britney Spears. FML

by embaressed / 01/27/2009 at 12:33pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got bored on the toilet and decided to paint my nails. I ended up having to wait half an hour to wipe. FML

by crazyvulva9216 / 01/26/2009 at 8:17pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I heard my mom moan in the other room. FML

by glittercat / 01/26/2009 at 6:44pm / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was at the gym and as I was pulling out my earphones and getting off my treadmill, I heard the girl behind me say to her friend on the treadmill next to her, "Wow, there have no cute guys today." Her friend replied, "None at all. It's like everyone suddenly got gay or ugly." FML

by Rothaar / 01/26/2009 at 5:19pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, one of the kids I was babysitting tried to hard boil eggs using the microwave. You cannot hard boil eggs using the microwave. It makes a mess. This we have learned. FML

by Danana / 01/26/2009 at 4:08pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I woke up and it was Monday. FML

by buddy / 01/26/2009 at 9:58am / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got caught stealing lollies. I am 25. FML

by Timmy / 01/26/2009 at 8:28am / Miscellaneous

Today, I saw a homeless man asking for money for food. Not wanting to give him money so he'd spend it on booze, I decided to buy him a full big mac meal from McDonalds. When I went to hand it to him, he quickly waved his hand, denying it saying, "Thanks but I'm a vegetarian". FML

by Michelle C / 01/25/2009 at 10:44pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous