Today, I moved back home because I got laid off and could no longer afford my apartment. I decided to take a nap and when I woke up I overheard my Mom telling my Aunt that she used to be so proud of me and wonders when I became such a loser. Burn. FML

by TotallyFkd / 01/22/2009 at 3:49pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was making a smoothie. I didn't plug in the blender until after all the ingredients were inside. I pushed the 'on' button. It was still on when I went to plug it in. With no lid. FML

by JBone / 01/22/2009 at 2:02am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, my study partner for my biology class didn't go to lecture. Not once has he gone to lecture. I went to almost every lecture. He got better grades than I did. FML

by noodle / 01/21/2009 at 5:36pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to the bathroom and didn't realize my skirt was tucked in my ugliest underwear until I reached the elevator. Thanks for not telling me girl-in-the-yellow-shirt. FML

by Ella / 01/21/2009 at 12:56pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, me and my family watched the video of my birth. In the video, when my mother sees me for the first time, she says "God he's ugly!" FML

Today, I went downstairs to grab a snack and a glass of Silk (you know, the soymilk). When I get back to my room, I go to throw the snack on my bed to shut the door, but I tossed with the wrong hand. FML

by crystalwho / 01/20/2009 at 4:06pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mom just handed me a book called "100 Ways To Motivate Yourself." FML

by JackAttack / 01/20/2009 at 3:27am / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, the phone rang. I run to get the call, I trip, fall on a metal chair. Tears in my eyes and out of breath I pick up... "Hi, do you have a minute to answer a few questions? It's for a survey." FML

Today, in the forest, I hit my foot against a half-buried metal thing. I dug into the ground, and found a beautiful box, heavy enough to not be empty. I imagined myself with gold coins. Inside was the corpse of a cat. FML

by mainche / 01/20/2009 at 2:13am / Miscellaneous

Today, I put my paint brush into my cup of tea. FML

by Petridishoflove / 01/20/2009 at 1:12am / Hong Kong / Miscellaneous

Today, I discovered that Paolo has a big penis, that he's good in bed and that the hotel sheets still remember it all. Mum, the walls won't get any thicker just 'cause you're on the telephone. FML

by Anonymous / 01/20/2009 at 12:42am / Miscellaneous

Today, I had a dream that I was 25, unemployed, living with my parents, and still completely in love with someone who no longer feels the same way about me. Oh wait... it wasn't a dream. FML

by HeadTrauma / 01/19/2009 at 11:23pm / United States (West Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I bought a party bowl of Bud Light for a get-together. Around midnight, I realized that I didn't have the tap to get the beer out. Fifty-five cans of untappable beer and no more beer money. FML

by Colleen / 01/18/2009 at 6:14pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous