Today, I got an email from my professor with my grade for a paper. It said, "Solid writing, but you should have proofread your final draft more carefully." In a moment of annoyance, I typed in the reply box, "God should have proofread your FACE more carefully." My elbow hit the send button. FML

by Noname / 02/21/2009 at 4:43pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, at a party I told this guy that I really liked his pirate costume. Turns out he wasn't wearing a costume, his eye was shot out with a BB gun. This explains the eye patch. FML

by story of my life. / 02/21/2009 at 9:33am / Switzerland (Zurich) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went for a run and took my shirt off part way through. The next person I saw was a nine year old girl playing outside her house. She looked at me and said, "Ewwwwww! Gross!" FML

by Jim Smith / 02/20/2009 at 9:37pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, after I got home from school I went to my room to find the maid had cleaned it, also to find a bag labeled "trash" it was all the sketches and paintings I had done in art class, which is my major plan for college. FML

by Photos / 02/20/2009 at 5:46pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I returned from a half-month long trip to China with a group of friends. After throwing myself into my mother's arms and bursting into tears, she stops me to say 'Listen...these last couple of weeks have been some of the best I've ever had. Can we try to keep it like that?' FML

by DuCkBuBbLeS / 02/20/2009 at 4:19pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend and I were up late watching tv when an infomercial for "male enhancement" came on. I grabbed for my phone to make a call when my girlfriend said "O honey, dont buy that, it's okay that you're small." I was checking my voicemails. FML

by allyshah / 02/20/2009 at 3:15pm / United States (District of Columbia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found a note in my locker from a really hot guy asking me to prom. I went up to him saying how excited I was to go. He said "Oh you got the note?" and slipped it into the locker next to me. FML

by caitiexob / 02/20/2009 at 1:42pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, I returned home from college and saw a framed picture of my parents and my younger sister on an elephant in an exotic jungle. I pointed to the picture and asked my mom, "Is this some photoshop job?" She responded, "No, we went to Thailand for a family trip, didn't we tell you?" FML

by OutoftheLoop / 02/20/2009 at 4:24am / China (Beijing) / Miscellaneous

Today, I saw an elderly man fall in a crosswalk, so I jumped off my bike to help. As I helped him across, the light turned green. I then watched across a 6 lane street as someone stole my bike. FML

by Mick / 02/20/2009 at 3:29am / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous

Today, I told my college friend that I considered her to be my best friend. She responded, "I don't think you should call me that." FML

by Oh dear... / 02/20/2009 at 12:25am / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, they were handing out free razors in the mall. I went up to get my free sample, but the woman just smiled and said, "Sorry honey, they're sharp, and not for children." I'm 25. FML

by Noname / 02/20/2009 at 12:17am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I walked home from work when a woman asked me to come inside for a free meal. It was at a homeless shelter. FML

by Kev / 02/19/2009 at 6:42pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was at the library studying. There was a really cute guy across the room. I decided to play it cool and walk his way and grab some water. Right as I walked by, my body decided to let out the loudest fart. He laughed. I kept walking and asked my friend to grab my books. FML

by Noname / 02/19/2009 at 6:17pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous