Today, I finished my SAT and was feeling pretty good about it. I decided to turn on my phone, since it was on silent. As the guy was collecting our tests, my phone vibrated a little. My score was cancelled. It was a text from my mom reminding me to turn off my phone. FML

by Anonymous / 05/02/2009 at 4:12pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, in math class we were learning about gravity. To demonstrate my teacher asked me to stand on the desk and then step off. Upon stepping on the desk it curved inward and cracked. Everyone was dying of laughter. Fuck gravity. FML

by systeminitiated / 05/02/2009 at 12:55am / Canada / Miscellaneous

Today, at the awards ceremony at my school, I ended up winning the top achievement award in my grade. The principal spent at least ten minutes talking about my success to the audience, the whole time referring to me as a "he" as I stood right next to him. I'm a girl. FML

by smartgirl / 05/01/2009 at 7:48pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I opened my email expecting to see messages from my friends and family wishing me a happy birthday, but there were none. There were Happy Birthday messages from Pizza Hut and Victoria's Secret, however. FML

by Anonymous / 05/01/2009 at 2:36pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I ran into my serious boyfriend of two years at a restaurant. He was sitting with another girl. I went over and asked him who she was. He replied, "Who are you?" Apparently I was the secret girlfriend. FML

by Anonymous / 05/01/2009 at 7:36am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I paid 11 dollars to see the new Wolverine movie. I arrived an hour early and waited patiently for the movie to start. 3 minutes before it began, a drunk guy stumbled in and took the last empty seat in the theater... next to me. He talked to me the whole movie. FML

by 21yearoldvirgin / 05/01/2009 at 5:46am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I got in the shower, washed my hair and shaved because I wanted to look great for a big date. I got out, brushed and dried my hair and spent an hour putting it up in the perfect hairstyle. Running late, I quickly put on my new dress, looked down and realized i had only shaved one leg. FML

by kam3221 / 05/01/2009 at 12:33am / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous

Today, I called my mom for the first time in a few weeks, just to chat because I miss her. When she picked up, the first thing she said was, "Why are you calling? What's wrong? Do you have swine flu??" When I told her that I didn't, and I just wanted to chat, she hung up. FML

by thanksmom / 05/01/2009 at 12:23am / United States (Indiana) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had to pee really bad so I tried to unlock my door as fast as I could. I put my key in and turned it too hard, the key snapped inside. I ended up peeing on myself. FML

by Anonymous / 05/01/2009 at 12:11am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, my wife and I decided it would be funny to pull a prank on her family who we were going to see for dinner. I hid in the foyer while she went in and announced to her parents that she was leaving me. I watched as her mother hugged her daughter and cried "Finally..." FML

by goner / 05/01/2009 at 12:05am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went for a hike with the local search and rescue volunteer group that I recently joined. I got lost and spent 5 hours wandering aimlessly. FML

by Wouldntitbeniceif / 04/30/2009 at 11:13pm / United States (New Mexico) / Miscellaneous

Today, my sister had her batmitzvah. During the party, there is a tradition where the batmitzvah gets lifted on a chair, and so does her family. It was my turn after my sister's. I got in the chair. They couldn't lift me. FML

by ashley / 04/30/2009 at 4:54pm / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous

Today, a telemarketer called for my dad. Jokingly, I said, "I haven't seen him for like five days...I'm starting to get worried," in my best child-like voice. Apparently the telemarketer called Child Protective Services. I'm 20. FML

by Telemistake / 04/30/2009 at 2:03pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous